I was diagnosed in March 2024 with metastatic breast cancer spread to lung, sternum and femur. Nothing until I went to GP in January with constant cough and breathlessness so it was a complete shock having never had breast cancer. Since then I’ve had numerous types of scans, was put on ribociclib which caused me to black out and fall breaking my wrist in July, so was put on Abemaciclib in August. First CT scan coming in January to see if cancer has spread, but I can’t get it out of my head and just worry so much about the future. So sorry to go on because I know so many have more issues.
10 Likes
I’m so sorry to read this. I don’t have the same as you so can’t comment on the medical aspect at all but wanted to let you know you are not alone and I understand how you feel.
You never need to think you are “going on” or feel that you can’t express how you feel because other people have “more issues”. There is no yardstick to measure one person’s stress and anxiety against another’s based on who has what. It wouldn’t matter if you said you had a pimple on your nose that was upsetting you - if it’s real for you and is causing you distress then it’s something you should be able to talk about. What is small to one person is big to another. Today my brother apologised to me for complaining about his head cold when I have cancer and I said his head cold is just as real to him as my cancer is to me and it’s not a case of one beating the other if it’s making him feel rotten. He sounded lousy and I feel good at the moment so today he was the poorly one and I wasn’t. Simple as that.
You go ahead and say you feel rotten if you need to. That is what we are here for.
Wishing you all the best and sending you a big hug. Xx
7 Likes
Thank you so much. I just feel like I should be feeling positive as my lovely husband says, but it’s really hard sometimes. I do not, as I’m sure you don’t, want to be in this club. It’s good to let off steam though without someone telling me to think positive x.
3 Likes
Have you read anything about “toxic positivity”? It’s very interesting and explains why being positive all the time is a) unrealistic and b) puts tremendous strain on us. It’s actually not healthy to pretend to be positive at a time when we are not genuinely feeling it and although other people may say you should be (with the best intentions) they aren’t being helpful because they are making you feel you should suppress your real feelings…
8 Likes
Julies52
I’m not in the same position as you regarding diagnosis but wanted to show my support.
You’ve got a challenge ahead of you. You can rant, moan, ask questions, whatever you want if it helps process your thoughts and get you through this.
Everyone on here will understand and many can offer some words of wisdom and offer advice from personal experiences.
I wish you well x
5 Likes
Hello @julies52
I got so angry when people told me to be positive - unlike you I was a grade 1 stage 1 but I was diagnosed after a few very difficult years when everything went wrong and my Mum had died a few months earlier - even though I knew I was lucky I was unable to feel that way for quite some time .
You are entitled to feel however you feel about all this and whilst I believe that positivity is a good thing I don’t feel the same about forced positivity . This is the place where you can express these feelings if you can’t do so anywhere else and we all get scared in the run up to investigations tests / scans/ check mammograms.
Have you tried posting in the living with secondary breast cancer section ? There will be people on there who will have a much better understanding of what you are dealing with and may be able to give you some ideas on how to cope . But at the end of the day we are here for you if you need to offload .
Sending 
xx
8 Likes
Hi JoanneN
I thought I had posted this on living with secondary breast cancer, clearly losing my marbles! xx
1 Like
Oh … It wasn’t immediately obvious to me as it came up with another heading but then I see it also says Living with Secondary . So it’s me losing my marbles - not for the first time ! Xx
1 Like
Yes on the message board it just says supporting each other and sharing experiences - neither one of us is losing our marbles you may be glad to know xx
2 Likes
Hi @jules52,
Like the others who have replied just wanted to say I hear you and we’re all on here to support each other. All the best for your January scan.
Take care x
1 Like
I don’t have the same breast cancer as you - mine is TNBC - nor are my mets the same - mine are liver. But I have been metastatic for over 2 years, and I wanted to say it is something you come to terms with. I was given Sir Chris Hoy’s “All that matters” for Christmas, in which he describes his own emotions at diagnosis, and how he has come to terms with it. I hate to use the phrase “new normal”, but that’s exactly what it becomes. I hate the 3-monthly cycle of scans and appointments, but outside that, my cancer isn’t the first thing I think about each day. Many of us live good lives with metastatic cancer.
3 Likes
Hi Coddfish, thanks for your reply and hopefully after my first scan in January I will feel a bit more positive xx.
2 Likes
dear Julie, I am so sorry you are feeling so alone and unsupported. That I can really understand. You have no need to apologise. Cancer treatment stinks and the people involved in it hide behind their professional white gowns because they realise there are no certainties in anything they do. I have not been diagnosed with secondary breast cancer but I have convinced myself that I probably will get it at some point if I stay alive long enough. I am now 69, 70 next year.
I have decided nit to look too far ahead and to stop treatments if their side effects get too bad. I now have pains in my legs which mean I hobble along. That’s caused by letrozole and oestrogen loss. My bones were like rocks before, but now I need other drugs to counteract the bad effects of letrozole.
I also have high cholesterol and high blood pressure, also caused by cancer treatment. The medics are only looking at me as a cancer patient and at statistics which may show overall trends but cannot predict individual outcomes.
when i was diagnosed years ago, I read a book by Susan Sontag who survived a kind of cancer that killed most people. She was one of the small percentage that survived it. Even if 80% die, you or I could be in the 20% who don’t die of it.
The only thing we can’t survive is death itself as we have to die of something. It’s the living that matters, and the quality of that life.
Do not let anyone dictate what you do but if your life is bad, make it as good as it can be. That could be through friendship, art, reading, exploring new places or whatever you are able to do. It could be taking treatments or not, depending on how they agfect your life.
You need to be in control, nobody else. But if you find yourself overwhelmed, stop and decide not to make a decision until you feel able to choose. Good luck and take from this what you will, and leave the rest.
With all good wishes from Seagulls
8 Likes
Hi Seagulls, thank you so much for your support. I too am on Letrozole and have been for 8 months. You’re right the treatments are not pleasant, but I guess we’re all hoping they will provide some miracle in delaying the cancer spread and allow us to have some kind of normal existence. I will be glad to have the scan and get the results, which hopefully will be positive and then maybe I will be a bit more positive 
.
1 Like
I was diagnosed with secondaries over 2 years ago at age 52. Mine is triple negative so I will have had different treatments, but while some have been tough, most of the 2 years I have lived a relatively normal life. I have a scan every 3-4 months and get bad “scanxiety” every time still, so I understand your worry, it’s a scary time. Are you able to access any counselling? Secondary BC usually comes with a whole host of new emotions such as fear, loss, anxiety, sadness etc and it’s good to be able to talk about these feelings with someone who gets it. Try and look after yourself (emotionally) as much as you can and treat yourself as often as possible, whether that’s a coffee/cake with a friend, a relaxing bath, a book in bed, or whatever makes you feel a bit better, because you deserve it with what you are going through.
Take care.
Lisa x
6 Likes
Hi lisa49, I thought I ought to start looking for some counselling, but not sure where to start. I just want to get cancer out of my head for a while instead of it occupying my every thought. Thank you for replying x.
2 Likes
Hi Julie, Macmillan offer free sessions of counselling - six, I think. I’m not sure what form they take because I haven’t tried them but it might be a place for you to start.
I started treatment for SBC two years ago - I have a tumour behind my sternum and metatases in various bits of bone. The treatment is keeping it stable but I’m finding the process hard going. I am seeking some counselling too, but I want it to be face to face and not CBT. Like you, I’d like to get the cancer out of my head for a while.
2 Likes
I would really also recommend mindfulness for doing exactly what you mention. I went on a course with a local charity. It really helped me. This was the book they used and the mindfulness tracks are online.
I do the body scan track if my mind is spinning of to get a better night’s sleep. When I was first diagnosed I did it every day to calm myself down and it really worked.
2 Likes
Hi Hilary, thanks for the reply. I think I will give Macmillan a call and see what they say. Good luck to you too .
1 Like
Thank you, I’ll look into it, it’s not something I’ve ever thought about x.