Feeling Fed Up

I am sitting here thinking I am feeling great the past few days and it has been wonderful to feel normal (well as normal as I ever have been). I had a lovely lazy Sunday morning, my 12 year old son ‘dive bombed’ the bed, we had a lovely time play fighting, talking, tickling, pillow fight, etc. and all was well until he said I am spending time with you this morning cos I know you won’t be well next week and I won’t see much of you (I tend to stay in my bedroom when I am feeling too bad - don’t want him to see how ill I get) - I go for my first of three tax on tuesday - already had 3xEPI, then going to have 5 weeks rads. I felt so sad for him and after breakfast I ended up in tears in the kitchen with my OH questioning the continuation of the treatment as it’s not just me suffering. My 18yr old daughter walked in and soon put me straight. She told me in no uncertain terms that I have no choice - just got to get on with it (then gave me a big cuddle) - after all whats the alternative? But it has made me realise that although I think I am protecting them, they are very much aware of whats going on behind closed doors - don’t know what to do for the best. I know I have to carry on with my treatment - just feeling a bit fed up with it all knowing that I am going to be ill next weekend. Not fair on them, me,OH or any of us on this site!

Sorry for the ‘poor me’ rant but just felt the need to get it out of my system.

By the way, I think my hair is growing back, was totally bald now have a ‘5 o’clock shadow’, daughter says it feels like velcro. OH thinks I will lose it after this next bout of chemo - has this happened to anyone else?

Thanks for ‘listening’

Hugs to all


Hi Jean, sorry to hear you are feeling so down, its truly rotten what this disease does to us. It sounds like you are very much loved by your family.
I have had 4x EC and 4x docetaxel and my hair started growing after i had finished the EC. But i must say that after starting the docetaxel my eyebrows and eyelashes did start to fall out.
Good luck with your treatment, it will be worth it to say to your family that you have it beat.
take care

Hi Jean

I didn’t have EPI but AC instead and did not get the nausea with Taxotere that I did with the other, so you may find that you feel better on Tax than you did on EPI.

I had a fuzz on my head by the end of AC and it stayed through Tax but didn’t grow any more. I lost my eyebrows and eyelashes too, but they started to grow 7 weeks after finishing.

Depending on how ill you are your 12 yr old may well be comfortable having you around when you are ill so that he can be with you. My son was 13 during my treatmemt and he was happy to go get me a drink or whatever I needed during my bad days. Perhaps helping to look after you…getting you a drink or whatever…might make him feel that, in some small way, he can help you to feel better. Just a thought. It’s difficult to know what to do for the best sometimes.

I hope you do not feel so bad after Tax. Keep on with the treatment…you are half way through your chemo.

Best wishes


Hi Jean, I had 3 fec and have had 2 tax so far. My hair seems to be growing back very slowly, but my eyebrows and eyelashes are starting to fall out.
Hope the rest of your treatment goes ok for you.
I have found the tax ok so far apart from really bad constipation and heartburn. ask chemo nurses for meds for this.
take care. Debbie. xx

Hi Jean

As well as the support you are receiving from your fellow users you may find it helpful to read the BCC booklet ‘talking with your children about breast cancer’. It gives information about how to approach talking to children of different ages and how to deal with emotional issues that may arise. If you would like to order a copy or read this on line just follow this link:-


I hope this helps.

Kind regards
Sam (BCC Facilitator)

Hi Jean
your family sound like they are doing just great - they can be open with you and sound very spontaneous, you have to take credit for that.
This is a horrible disease and robs us of so much, but having done the whole treatment thing you’ll be able to feel that you did whatever you could to protect all of you from this happening again.
I have finished 6xFEC (on 6 Jan) and my hair started to grow back after number 4, although I continued to lose little bits, so it looks quite patchy to me, but everyone else thinks its looking pretty thick now.
Hang in there, as Macc says, you are halfway through your chemo
be kind to yourself
monica xx

Well, thats the half way mark past! Thanks for your lovely comments -did give me strength for today.

Been in hospital from 8.30am till 5.15pm - what a long day but was expected as this was my first herceptin and tax. All was going well until nurse advised me that my blood count had dropped quite a bit - will need another full blood count done on monday and if it hasn’t picked up will need another transfusion - oh the joys!

Met two lovely ladies in the day unit today and we are all due back in 3 weeks so have ‘reserved’ our seats with the nurses ha ha.

Not feeling too bad at the moment but I know the side effects will kick in by the weekend.

Take care and thanks again