5 and a half weeks post mastectomy and lymph node biopsy. No further treatment required only tamoxifen. But I feel like my body is now cancer free but my head isn’t. I can’t stand the thought of going back to work although only my manager and HR know. If I go out I always want my husband with me. I’m not sleeping because he works nights. And I know my feelings are actually really selfish because I should be thankful it’s gone. Very confused.
Hi there,
I’m really sorry to hear you’re feeling like this but I’m sure there are lots of other women on here with similar feelings. I caught myself the other day telling someone I had breast cancer when I suppose, technically, I haven’t got it anymore as they removed the tumour on April 24th and then I felt like a bit of a fraud for saying it. I definitely feel as if I’m still in cancer mode - I’m facing radio and chemo in a few weeks though. But I do get the loss of confidence that you’re feeling. I’ve started to feel like the safest/best thing to do is just stay home and the hours seem to fly by with me doing very little. This is in stark contrast to what I was like at work where I was head of a department and line managing nearly 50 people. Like you, I can’t imagine going back at the moment but know that one day I will have to face it. I guess it’ll be a case of taking each day as it comes and perhaps by then our heads will be in a different place.
i know my local hospital offers counselling for cancer patients. Have you thought about talking it through with someone? I expect you’ll get loads of support on here too. I know what those sleepless nights are like with a partner on shift! I find having a fairly easy to read novel by the bed helps me focus on something else when I can’t get off to sleep.
Anyway, sorry for the essay. I really hope you managed to get some sleep last night and that you feel a bit brighter today.
x
Hi T,your feelings are completely normal and is still very very early days .It takes a lot longer to recover mentally from this than physically and you can’t really begin to process what has happened to you til you have recovered physically .I found that having cancer made me feel very vulnerable for quite some time afterwards -My body had just tried to kill me - very scary !!! I went back to work after 4 months but then went back very gradually over a few weeks and it was months before I felt vaguely “back to normal” at work.Dont feel selfish or guilty your feelings are totally normal and part of the recovery process.Hopd you feel better soon .Jill.
Hi tgregory, I think your emotional reaction is quite normal. If it helps I’ll share. I had a screaming hissy fit at a friend who came to visit last week and wouldn’t let him in the house with germs! I, like you, was able to recognise what was happening. I was able to speak to a district nurse who went over some germ free precautions. Then I went down to my local Maggies centre and had a counsellor discuss things with me. She gave me some leaflets to take away, as well as booking me on a session for when my treatment is finished. It’s called Going Forward After Cancer. Message is, it’s normal to feel vulnerable, there’s help out there, you recognise the issue so you are on your way to solving it . Hugs. X
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Hi tgregory,
It’s some time since your first post back in May, so I hope you’re now fully recovered and feeling somewhat better, anxiety wise. I was just going to add that the Tamoxifen can produce mood swings, or depression, or exacerbate them.
Hope you’re all doing well, or better.
Delly xxxx
Hi there,
I came on here today to look for support… my issue.? Identical to yours. I am 8 weeks post op mastectomy and DIEP. I feel just like you! We are not selfish at all, it’s just our brain catching up with what has happened to us I think. We have been on a “ hamster wheel” of appointments and recommendations then Surgery etc… Now we are through it, it has hit us … I also think we go through a kind of grief process, grieving for the old us…angry at the cancer and not sure who we are now? I think it will take time.
Good luck and love to you
Twinks xx