Hi everyone,
I’m new to this forum, was diagnosed Oct 2024, had lumpectomy and DCIS. Now on Tamoxifen for the next 3 years.
I’ve read other posts about how family and friends often don’t know how to react to our diagnosis, but I cannot seem to get past the fact that my grown stepson (age 32) has not said ANYTHING. Nothing when I said I was going in for surgery. Nothing when I said I had post surgery complications. Nothing when I said that I was more fortunate than most as I didn’t have to do radiation or chemo. Nothing on Mother’s Day, either.
My other 2 grown stepkids have at least responded with well wishes and to keep them posted, the typical response that we would expect of family. I have been more of a mom to my stepson than his own birth mother, and he has said nothing about any of this nor did he even send a text on Mother’s Day.
People tell me that maybe he has an issue dealing with this or he is lacking social skills. I keep expecting ME from other people. Even with my worst enemy, if they told me they had cancer or some other illness, I would say the polite things to say. So I cannot grasp someone who can’t even bother to send a 1 sentence text on Mother’s Day and someone who obviously does not care that I had cancer.
I am SO angry. SO hurt. I have backed away from friends who have behaved this way, but I can’t exactly back away from family. How do you cope with this? I am literally LIVID 24/7.
So sorry you are have such a sad time at the moment, I think we really find out who our nicest and true friends and family really are when we find ourselves in this situation,
Wishing you well, going forward
Hugs Tili 
I’m wondering if this is a ‘him’ issue. Could he be neurodivergent but you haven’t seen it in him until now?He’s not acting in a ‘typical’ way, maybe as he is atypical. You can get angry, or see him perhaps for how he is, maybe its not been so obvious until now. If he’s never been empathetic or emotional as a person, perhaps he just isn’t made up that way. You dont always recieve back what you put in with neurodivergent people as your efforts can be lost on them.
Can your husband not confront him? If it was me, I would sic my partner on him.
I totally understand your hurt, anger and disappointment. People sometimes act in very odd ways. I too experienced this from my husbands family and still can’t understand it.
I put it down to being their problem not mine and don’t waste my time on them. Sometimes people don’t know what to say so say and do nothing. I don’t think it’s deliberate unkindness but it’s done in ignorance.
Focus on the people who bring you positives and just accommodate the rest
Thanks 
He did and stepson was supposed to call me to talk about it. He hasnt.
True. He is definitely different but ive seen him be empathetic and care about other family members and me in the past. I am not sure if this is just too big for him to accept or he is just being clueless. My husband talked to him about it and stepson was supposed to call me and talk about it, but he never has.
Then it depends on what brings you the most peace. Do you want to cut him off and pretend he doesn’t exist? That’s valid. Do you want to call him yourself or text him a message explaining exactly how hurt you are? That’s valid, too. Personally I just interacted as little as possible with the family members that ignored me and my diagnosis. And then focused on those who were supportive. Those are the ones who get my energy from now on.
Hi, I’m sorry you’re going through this. I think this is quite common, I still wonder about my own friend, what happened to her? She disappeared once my cancer was confirmed. Pretty much the same with my family in terms of what to talk about. I don’t think there’s an easy magic wand that can put this right but be assured that you’re not on your own. Although this is my first post here, your post sounded so familiar that I had to tell you my own experience. We are here to listen so make the most of this forum I’m sure that many ladies will find your post familiar. Take care xxx
My immediate family are not supportive. I expect nothing from them. That way I can’t get hurt. Focus on those who do care. Hugs to you.
Hello @dogmamala
I totally get how hurtful it is when someone close to you does not acknowledge something so big. I have had similar feelings with family too and sometimes it feels like they just don’t care, and it is honestly crushing.
Maybe your stepson just does not know how to handle it? Some people avoid things like illness because they don’t know what to say, or maybe they feel helpless. It does not make it right, but it could be part of his reaction. That said, it doesn’t make it any less painful.
I think focusing on the people who do care might help like your other stepkids who have been supportive. As for him, I’d probably let him know how you feel at some point, even if it’s hard. It might not change things, but you deserve to be heard.
Take care of yourself. You’re doing great with everything you’re facing.