Feeling like you have been hit by a bus?

[Carrott]

I wanted to jump on here and give those who have just been diagnosed a peak into the near future.

I know exactly how horrendous you are feeling right now. In fact, every day will bring its fresh set of anxiety, depression, angst, worry and general horribleness. Believe me, I know that feeling well!

I was diagnosed with lobular cancer, hormone positive HER- in October 2022, so coming up to 2 years now.

When I was told, I felt my life had completely tilted on its side. I was terrified, angry, sad and hated being out of control. I worried about everything; my hair, telling my kids, my work etc etc etc

I didn’t realise at the time that even stage 4, in many cases, is being treated as a chronic disease these days. Medicine has leapt forwards so much. I wish I knew that back then when I thought I had reached the end of the road!

The waiting was absolute agony and I woke up all night and trawled through the internet / this forum looking for those in similar situations with the hope I can see what was going to happen.

I read all about side effects for medication I knew were coming my way and just cried my eyes out.

I remember wondering if I would ever feel happy again and at the time, I just could not see how life could return to “normal”.

I used to look around me, see people chatting to themselves and think “they have no idea how lucky they are not to be going through this walking nightmare.”

I had a mastectomy with immediate reconstruction and faced some minor complications.

However, at that point, the anxiety started to subside as the cancer was now out. The relief was absolutely immense and took over any feelings of discomfort that came from the surgery. I had a few more preventative procedures since then and now I am all done (hopefully for good).

So today, 2 years on, my life is very different and I know this will sound crazy but I feel my diagnosis has somewhat been a gift and here is why:

1. It made me re-evaluate life. I LOVE my life now. I did before but had never realised how lucky I was. There isn’t a day now where I don’t think I am lucky.

That’s because I see everything through a completely different lens. For example, when a squirrel runs across in-front of me, I marvel at how bushy its tail is. Before, I wouldn’t have even glanced twice.

Believe me this feeling is FANTASTIC! Most people get it afterwards too.

2. I have made lifestyle changes to prevent recurrence. This means I have never been so fit and healthy in my life which in-turn has given me great mental wellbeing.

3. I don’t get irritated with silly things anymore. In hindsight, lots of things used to upset / annoy me.

I overheard a colleague the other day saying that the painter had used Nutmeg White instead of Elephants Breath and won’t change it without charging her a fortune. She was almost in tears and was seriously upset.

I can relate to that back then. But as I listened, I thought how different bc has made me. I don’t get affected with these things anymore and for me that is a gift (as annoyance used to run rife in my life).

4. I cherish family time so much now and seeing how things can change in a day, I don’t take any of my family members for granted anymore. I see more of my aunts / uncles etc than ever before. This has enriched my life. Same with friends, I don’t put things off anymore.

5. I love trying new experiences which I would never have done before.

By having such a health scare, I have realised there is so much I want to do and try.

As a result, I have packed my free time with various experiences and lessons of things I have always wanted to learn. Also, doing so much more with my kids. All of this has nourished my soul.

6. The whole illness, opened my eyes to just how many people actually love and care about me. That’s something that’s so precious!

Without it, I would never have known as those people who love you illuminate at the time of need.

So if you have just been diagnosed or waiting for results and feeling anxious, trust me, time not only heals, but if you allow it, you can come out better than when you went in.

I once heard the phrase “Never let a good crisis go to waste”. It’s the best saying I have ever heard and if you embrace that saying too, you will start to look for the positives.

I hope this message helps some of you who may be trawling through the internet at night looking for hope.

You are so strong and one day you will be writing a similar message for others.

Sending you all much love
Carrott

[angharad]

What a lovely post to have taken the time to write

So much of what you have written resonates with me currently. I’ve just had my third surgery since June to try and get clear margins and although I know my cancer is very treatable and I am trying to stay positive it has really all just started getting on top of me this last week.
I’ve just received my follow up appointment for results for over 6 weeks away which has spiralled me again this afternoon, the waiting is horrible!

I’m looking forward to my light at the end of the tunnel. Keep enjoying life!

[sunshine21]

Yes I can agree with Carrott. I am 5 years post mastectomy and lymph node clearance ( no reconstruction) chemo and radiotheraphy. ( Plus being hospitalised ) Looking back I do not know quite how I coped although I was retired and have a lovely supportive husband. I just knew I wanted to see my grandchildren grow up. I struggle with the effects of Letrozole but keep going.- Another 5 years to go. How some of you cope with small children I just do not know. All credit to you. I thought everything was going well and my husband and I booked a 50th Anniversary holiday. Alas it was cancelled as I was rushed to hospital faint and hallucinating. They did tests found I had pnemonia, a wonderful radiographer who looked at my CT scan found I also had bowel cancer. Whoever he or she was, I am eternally grateful as I could still be walking round as a ticking time bomb as I had no symtoms. I was lucky I had a major operation and now all is hopefully ok. I cannot tell you how appreciative of the world I am. Whatever happens there is usually light at the end of the tunnel. I know the treatment is hard, especially chemo and the waiting for test results. Girls just keep trying to smile. I am sending you all big hugs. Take care. We all have so much to live for.
Sunshine21

[hope889]

Thank you for writing this, I’m reading this through very teary eyes.

This summer has been a hell of a rollercoaster. From being diagnosed in July, mastectomy and further surgery in Aug it’s all been a big whirlwind. I’m now trying to pick up the pieces and mentally progress and carry on with my life.

Hope I will be able to write something like this to support others xx

[bluesatsuma]

Thank-you so much for this @Carrott! I needed to hear this today after a second time in hospital with chemo reactions. Felt a bit like I’d never get through all of this.

From now on, i shall remember that carrots are the future! Keep on loving your life and i hope to join you on the flipside of cancer soon. Xxx

[poorlyboob]

What a positive message to anyone who had recently been diagnosed. I wish I read this 1.5 years ago xx

[Carrott]

Thank you all for the comments and I am so pleased my message has helped others. Just keeping taking each day as it comes and I promise you things will get better.
Sending you all big big hugs xxx

[lemoncake]

Thankyou Carrott!! I was meant to read your post today and its made me feel so much better already! I’ve just been diagnosed with BC, lump in axilla and HER2+ and had my first chemo cycle a week ago followed by hormone injections. Its hard isnt it, definitely not a walk in the park and just when i think I’ve had a good day/morning or afternoon, the night brings something else. I’m worrying that i won’t be able to get myself stronger before my next cycle. Reading your post has uplifted me, so thankyou, i pray that I’ll get through this too just as you have x

[macnicos]

Thank you for putting this post up , you have lifted my spirits , i have just been diagnosed and going later today for my first consultation. Scared but hopeful.
I am so glad of this forum as i don’t feel alone .x

[Jill1998]

Welcome to the forum @lemoncake and @macnicos .

[Jill1998]

@lemoncake you might want to join the March chemo starters thread to get some support from others going through chemo at the same time .

March 2025 chemo starters

This topic is for anyone starting chemo in March 2025 to share thoughts and feelings in a supportive environment. You can find more info on chemo on our pages Chemotherapy for breast cancer | Breast Cancer Now

[pat]

@lemoncake I would echo what @Jill1998 says and join the group for the month you start chemo. I did and it was invaluable, and you really felt you could say anything as everyone has similar experiences.

Today I have finished the last of 10 radiotherapy sessions and so I’ve finished all my ‘big’ treatments. I was diagnosed in April last year. After my first chemo, which I had before surgery, I was convinced that there was no way I could do 5 more chemos. By the time I got to the next one 3 weeks later I felt much better. I found the first was the worst as you’re scared, you don’t know what to expect, and the treatments ahead feel overwhelming. I kept a spreadsheet of what drugs I’d had each day, steroids, antisickness, Filgrastim etc, and any side effects. This meant that I could alter things like diet, medicines, etc and see their effectiveness.

I found that I felt pretty grim for 5 days or so, then it improved and by 10 days after chemo I felt ok. I did find though that there is an accumulative effect so each time I was a bit tireder than the time before and it took a bit longer to recover.

I would advise fiddling with your diet if you have tummy symptoms, drink plenty, rest, rest, rest, don’t expect yourself to be doing what you usually do, be kind to yourself.

[fubc]

Thank you for sharing this. Exactly what I needed to read today

[lemoncake]

Thankyou @pat, i will join the group. I’m a week into chemo and it can get overwhelming sometimes when you’re having a side effect.

[Carrott]

You’re all very welcome! I am just pleased it’s helping others. What I didn’t realise when I wrote that is - they are all symptoms of “post traumatic growth”.

Apparently, it really is a thing!

Sending you all much love and strength whilst you go through this - you’ve got this