I wanted to jump on here and give those who have just been diagnosed a peak into the near future.
I know exactly how horrendous you are feeling right now. In fact, every day will bring its fresh set of anxiety, depression, angst, worry and general horribleness. Believe me, I know that feeling well!
I was diagnosed with lobular cancer, hormone positive HER- in October 2022, so coming up to 2 years now.
When I was told, I felt my life had completely tilted on its side. I was terrified, angry, sad and hated being out of control. I worried about everything; my hair, telling my kids, my work etc etc etc
I didn’t realise at the time that even stage 4, in many cases, is being treated as a chronic disease these days. Medicine has leapt forwards so much. I wish I knew that back then when I thought I had reached the end of the road!
The waiting was absolute agony and I woke up all night and trawled through the internet / this forum looking for those in similar situations with the hope I can see what was going to happen.
I read all about side effects for medication I knew were coming my way and just cried my eyes out.
I remember wondering if I would ever feel happy again and at the time, I just could not see how life could return to “normal”.
I used to look around me, see people chatting to themselves and think “they have no idea how lucky they are not to be going through this walking nightmare.”
I had a mastectomy with immediate reconstruction and faced some minor complications.
However, at that point, the anxiety started to subside as the cancer was now out. The relief was absolutely immense and took over any feelings of discomfort that came from the surgery. I had a few more preventative procedures since then and now I am all done (hopefully for good).
So today, 2 years on, my life is very different and I know this will sound crazy but I feel my diagnosis has somewhat been a gift and here is why:
- It made me re-evaluate life. I LOVE my life now. I did before but had never realised how lucky I was. There isn’t a day now where I don’t think I am lucky.
That’s because I see everything through a completely different lens. For example, when a squirrel runs across in-front of me, I marvel at how bushy its tail is. Before, I wouldn’t have even glanced twice.
Believe me this feeling is FANTASTIC! Most people get it afterwards too.
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I have made lifestyle changes to prevent recurrence. This means I have never been so fit and healthy in my life which in-turn has given me great mental wellbeing.
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I don’t get irritated with silly things anymore. In hindsight, lots of things used to upset / annoy me.
I overheard a colleague the other day saying that the painter had used Nutmeg White instead of Elephants Breath and won’t change it without charging her a fortune. She was almost in tears and was seriously upset.
I can relate to that back then. But as I listened, I thought how different bc has made me. I don’t get affected with these things anymore and for me that is a gift (as annoyance used to run rife in my life).
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I cherish family time so much now and seeing how things can change in a day, I don’t take any of my family members for granted anymore. I see more of my aunts / uncles etc than ever before. This has enriched my life. Same with friends, I don’t put things off anymore.
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I love trying new experiences which I would never have done before.
By having such a health scare, I have realised there is so much I want to do and try.
As a result, I have packed my free time with various experiences and lessons of things I have always wanted to learn. Also, doing so much more with my kids. All of this has nourished my soul.
- The whole illness, opened my eyes to just how many people actually love and care about me. That’s something that’s so precious!
Without it, I would never have known as those people who love you illuminate at the time of need.
So if you have just been diagnosed or waiting for results and feeling anxious, trust me, time not only heals, but if you allow it, you can come out better than when you went in.
I once heard the phrase “Never let a good crisis go to waste”. It’s the best saying I have ever heard and if you embrace that saying too, you will start to look for the positives.
I hope this message helps some of you who may be trawling through the internet at night looking for hope.
You are so strong and one day you will be writing a similar message for others.
Sending you all much love
Carrott
