Was not quite sure which category to start this thread in ; hope some of you out there may be able to help.
Diagnosed with BC in 2011, 3 normal mammograms down the line but I find it really hard to socialise ever since this has happened to me . I have lost confidence in life and in myself and when I am with people , I think to myself : well , you can’t understand what it’s like and I think that whether the people know about my history or not . I also feel some anger I suppose because they haven’t been through it and I think why me ? And then I feel guilty for thinking things like that . The net result is I feel lonely and I do avoid social occasions as much as I can . I was wondering whether anybody else is feeling like this and if anybody has got any tips , words of advice or whatever ? Do I need to take antidepressants ( something I don’t really want to do ) Hope someone can help.
Hi froggy
I am sorry to read that you are feeling lonely, have you read the BCC ‘Moving forward’ information pages?, you will find lots of support ideas here which you may find helpful. Please also feel free to call our helpliners for practical and emotional support on 0808 800 6000, lines are open weekdays 9-5 and Sat 10-2
I feel the same diagnosed Jan 2013. I find it very difficult to speak to people whether this will improve in time I am not sure. I sometimes think it is due to other peoples attitude they are either overly sympathetic or treat you purely as the person with cancer however this may be due to my own sensitivity. I have joined support groups not sure if it always helps in the outside world. I suppose the only thing to do is battle on I was very cheered the other day when I found myself getting angry with someone I felt a bit more like my old self. Love Pam
I’m sorry to hear you are feeling this way. I only have one suggestion, and it might not be possible for you. This link is to the Maggies online maggiescentres.org/
Maggies is a cancer charity, and you can find out if there is one near you. They have all kinds of activities and is specially for cancer patients. If you can get to one, you will know that everyone you meet there has been through a cancer journey and will understand your feelings. You will find support and advice too.
Froggy and Pam,
Cancer diagnosis is life changing and all of us do have our wobbles.
We try to pretend everything is OK or we don’t feel to like to talking to people around us because they just can’t relate to our issues.
Without having to start a course of antidepressant, you can get great help by seeing a councellor. Have you got a maggie centre near you, alternatively you could discuss other options with your GP.
Take care.
I understand exactly how you feel I too avoid lots of things I used to do before. I was diagnosed in July 2012 finished my treatment in March 2013. Im still not back to work, and some days I too wonder if I need anti depessants although like you dont want to go there! I try to force myself to do something everyday but it is lonely like you say.
I find myself wishing I was as I was before all this. I did quite enjoy life but realize looking back took a lot for granted. But I am trying not to look back, even though my future is looking a bit uncertain. I worry about loads of things I didnt before. I have thought of going to a support group, but just wish I could have some of my old confidence back.
I feel exactly the same. Dx in May 2012, spent 11 months off work and socialising occasionally, I’ve found it devistating to my social life. Loads of friends have moved on with their lives and I just feel stuck in a giant rut.
I want to talk about the diagnosis and my treatment but I’ve encountered what I suppose is fear from friends, they just don’t want to know.
People have been very stand offish and it makes me avoid situations.
I’ve gone back to work full time, done a very difficult course and gained a promotion. In work I’ve pushed myself to be seen as moved on but I just can’t do that in my personal life. I think it will need to be a gradual re-introduction to socialising and only accepting invites that I know I’ll be able to go along with. In the past I’ve said yes to everything and often pulled out last minute, because of anxiety or tiredness. I think a big step forward for me has been admitting that I can’t do everything, that I’ve got limitations now. I think I’m more tearful about this than I ever was about my dx!
I’ve bought the book you suggested and its arrived yesterday!
I’m going to the younger womans forum in March run by BCC and I’m really looking forward to it. Can’t wait to meet like minded ladies and share experiences.
Have to say I didn’t have a good experience of Maggies its about 30 miles away from where I live. Went in twice and left my details for someone to call me back about the groups I was interested in, not to hear anything back… There’s nothing local for me and I’ve found these forums much more useful.
I’m considering the counselling and I’d be interested as to where you were able to access this, although its because of the cancer, it seems to be confidence and intamacy that are now my biggest issues.
I found it difficult to approach health care staff and tell them I was struggling, I was determined to be a good patient! Thats why this forum is so important.
You don’t go into details and I totally respect that, if all you need from us is a sounding board or a shoulder thats what we are good at. My family and friends get that glazed look and I totally understand that you feel you’ve exhusted their ears.
Like Jo the moderator said speak to them on the phone, I’ve had great experience of using the BCC services and they’re more professional than us, no offense ladies!
Oh and virtual hugs, we are good at that, so big hugs. I hope you get some resolution.
Can you please let us know how you are getting on?
Sounds like you made some great progress since I last got on the internet.
I’m a year down the line and when I first went back to work I was still crying all the time. I wasn’t sure I would ever be able to work without breaking down in tears. Its gradually faded and now its not even an issue. I still cry. Usually at silly stuff on the telly and heartwarming stories on facebook.
My work was great about my staged return and I found loads of support from my manager but not so much my colleagues, they and my friends are a bit scared of cancer to talk about it.