Hi all, I’m having a bad day. Had my auxiliary node clearance Tuesday, still got the drain in which is uncomfortable and restrictive. Codeine wasn’t doing much for the pain so am on tramadol which helps. 2 of 3 nodes originally had micro traces, I’m terrified that on Thursday when it’s results they are going to tell me it’s everywhere. The consultant has said they don’t expect much node involvement but I’m still scared. I feel like everyone around me gets to carry on with a normal ‘safe’ life whilst mine is at an end. I’m not usually so melodramatic but I feel angry, sad, scared, like life is not fair and I don’t know how to feel any better. Got some lots of family and friend support but feel very very alone today. Sarah
Hi Sarah
Big hugs to you. I had a mastectomy 10 days ago for DCIS in breast. I too have a drain in which is making things very awkward. I too have my results Thursday and am feeling anxious. I feel exactly the same as you. Doesn t really feel real. Consultant doesn t think any further treatment needed but I m thinking too that I ll go Thursday and they ll give me bad news. Please try and stay positive and I m here for u xx
Hi Sarah,
Glad to hear that you are through your operation okay. Like you, I have been terrified but hopefully all will be ok. X
It’s only when your diagnosed that you understand those Macmillan adverts about ‘cancer being the loneliest place’ or words to that effect! You will feel a bit better, once the drain it out, they are quite a nuisance! The waiting is absolutely the worst thing; I found I tended to fill in the blanks rather negatively, I don’t know why you tend to do that…preparing for the worst and hoping for the best, I guess!
I started with a WLE and sentinel node biopsy and they found ‘extra capsular spread’ from my sentinel node, it had burst out of it, it seemed pretty grim! After the results of an MRI; I went on to have a mastectomy and ANC. I was very worried what they would find but they only saw micro mets in one more node. Half way through FEC-T chemo now, then radiotherapy and tamoxifen after that.
You will get more used to the emotional roller coaster after a while, it’s not a fun ride but you do tend accept the lows and get better and pushing through. But do allow yourself you feelings; anger, sorrow, fear they and many others are all very normal. As my BCN said “This is a life changing diagnosis.” That is going to take a while to come to terms with after all.
Amanda x
Sarah, of course you feel scared. Like Amanda says, you have been through a life changing diagnosis and major emotional upheaval, not to mention the fact that your body is currently reeling from the after effects of the anaesthetic and other drugs.
I had node involvement in one of two taken at SNB stage when I had my mastectomy. Like you, my consultants believe that I am unlikely to have much more node involvment. For various reasons I have had chemo first and will have node clearance on 2nd March. Naturally I am anxious but am trying to put my faith in my consultants’ words but of course we will have to wait and see. It’s awful waiting but I am trying to be optimistic. I think we all think that “it will be everywhere” when we are at the early stages. I know I did. In the days leading up to my results I was quite convinced I was a gonna. So much so that on the day I was told they thought it was a grade two I was actually quite relieved when i came out of the clinic. Chances are it won’t be.
I do have bad days I can assure you but when I’m having one always try to think of it this way: our wonderful but cash-strapped NHS (and I am assuming you are in the UK as I write) would not be trying to treat so many of us if they didn’t think we had a very good chance of a lot more years ahead of enjoying life.
Hopefully in the very near future you will be in a much better place. Much strength to you.
Ruth xxxx
Thank you all for your support, I hate that this is happening to any of us but I do find comfort in knowing that other people not only understand how I feel but have felt the same. The NHS have been wonderful, I’m only a month post diagnosis tomorrow and York hospital have already seen me through 2 surgeries. In my brighter moments I imagine them telling me no major node problems, but more often than not I also find myself filling in the blanks in the worst way. I’m 42, I didn’t see this coming and its knocked me sideways. Much love to you all, Sarah xx
I m 42 like u and can t believe what’s happening. We ll get through this. My hubby is from East Yorkshire and we often visit York shopping. Lovely city xx
Oh Sarah I am so sorry you are feeling like this it’s pants! I used to look at the macmillan ad on TV where the guy is standing with snow, ice etc and being brought back to the moment, I now say to my hubby i know how that feels and it’s low and terrifying. You have every right to feel, scared, angry and sad, not wanting to pitch in on your party but if someone else says oh bc is the better cancer to have or so so mum has got really pert books after her op I think I will be done for murder 
, the positives aren’t really positive for me and I don’t want bloody pert boobs just ones that aren’t likely to kill me (drama drawers here). Sending hugs x
Laying here awake at 4am, can’t switch off from thinking the worst, I totally understand how you are feeling Sarah. I just want my normal life back but don’t feel like I ever will, I’m feeling very frightened .
Hugs to you,Jane xx
Morning everyone, drained 60ml to this morning so looks like it’s not coming out today either, I’m hoping I manage a more positive day but still feel very wobbly emotionally. Thanks for all your replies, let’s hope we have hit rock bottom and can head upwards now xx
I was reading my kindle in early hours also. We should start a night time post. Hope you feel a bit more positive today Sarah. Results after mastectomy for me on Thursday so I m feeling very anxious too. Hugs to u xx
Morning all. Hope everyone is feeling a bit better today despite lack of sleep in some quarters.
Helly, you made me laugh with your comment about so and so’s mum having pert boobs. Can’t believe people would say that!
Ruth xx
Hi everyone thanks for the good wishes and hugs. Been ok so far had a few visitors so been busy chatting, I too long for the normal days of how will I fit everything in, running around like a mad thing and stressing over which set of books I should mark next! Lots of people say accepting the diagnosis is a first step forwards but I don’t seem to have managed it yet, I feel like a toddler stamping my feet saying ‘I don’t want this!’ I’m sure you can all relate!! Love Sarah xx
Had my drain removed today that’s one hurdle over, hope you are all doing ok today xx
Good luck with the Op Jane. Thinking of you. Lou x
Glad drain out Sarah small steps on your road to recovery. Hope you feeling a little better. Lou x
Good luck for tomorrow. I had mastectomy just over 11 days ago and am recovering well. Hugs to you xx
Hi Jane will be thinking of you tomorrow and sending positive thoughts xx
Hi Sarah
Glad to see you had your drain removed. Hoping mine out tomorrow. I got my results Thursday too so fingers crossed for good results for both of us xxx
Hi Jane, sending zillions of good wishes for your op tomorrow, another hill on this bloomin rocky road nearly climbed x