Feeling low and on chemo!

Need to shuffle into this thread for a bit as seem to be taking a bit of a dive and I am annoying myself! If all goes well and this tax doesn’t give me neutropenic sepsis  again I have 1 more in 3 weeks  so in many ways light at the end of the tunnel of what has been a bloody nightmare. I am not angry as such just still can’t believe I ended up in this position at 48 (49 now who robbed a year! ) and am so scared of of it coming back and brassed off with people positive stories  of everyone they know bring fine 20 years down the line, sorry it doesn’t make me feel any better in fact i want to punch them for their positivity! !

I don’t think the situation  has been helped by a difference  in opinion re: treatment after chemo (which is us all i seem to talk about going forward ! ) and I am going back to discuss options  with surgeon as I am terrified of making the wrong decision. In fact i am terrified of the future all round at present.  I did see the psychologist for a couple of sessions which helped rationalise some things at that time, so maybe  that’s the way forward or maybe I just need a bloody good howl  which I haven’t done  since all this started :(. Sorry for bring depressing !