Feeling low

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This is just a moan really ; just want to feel that not alone in finding it hard to be happy and hopeful about the future. Dx four years ago and prescribed hormonal therapy ( aged 45) including Zoladex. Weathered that-sweats, flushes,dryness, fears etc. Period returned for two years, now going through actual menopause-sweats, flashes, dryness, fears…! Rocky relationship when d/x over now so often lonely and confidence so low. Work keeps me busy but can’t help feeling sad and as if so many things are out of reach now or gone, including taking health for granted. Self pitying I know and I also know that it is so much worse for others. Try to look for silver linings but hard at moment. Anyone else feel similarly or have words of wisdom? How do I pick up the reins?

Kitty

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Hi Kitty,
Just wanted to send a hug!
Its very difficult to move on isn’t it? I am sure its very normal to feel the way you do,especially finding yourself alone.You have been through a lot and you are strong for getting this far.
I am only 11 months post diagnosis but now feel very vulnerable and isolated.I have a wonderful OH,so I am lucky in that respect.However,I am slowly losing faith in the medics and my GP.They wanted to prescribe the anti depressant that has been shown to reduce the effectiveness of tamoxifen in some cses!!!
However I eventually was given Venlafaxine and started it last week ,I have to say I do feel a bit better and certainly less emotional so I am hoping it will help me move on. Might be worth a thought or a chat with your GP?
Dot
xxx

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Kitty,
I know just how you feel, I’m now 2 and half years since dx and have had a hard time. I felt very depressed for 6 months after my lumpectomy and rads, but help from my GP in the form of anti depressants helped and then back to work and slowly off the tablets. You have got to look at how lucky you are that you are still here. I know its hard, but the situation could be so much worse.
Think of this time as your second chance and grab it by the horns.
Some people don’t get a second chance, they get wiped out in fatal car crashes, heart attacks etc, but your still here.

Keep your chin up and you will feel better, I never thought I could, but it does happen. Sending loads of postive thoughts for you through the web.
Fozzie x

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Hi kitty hawk

Think this is a natural reaction and one few people seam to want to mention.
All everyone concentrates on is that your alive etc
What they forget is that your body’s gone through the equivalent of being hit by a bus and psychologically you’ve been on the roller coaster from hell.
If you’d been caught up in some sort of terrorist thing or a war peopel would understand but what you’ve servived is no different.

I think after any serious illness you can get a form of post traumatic stress from all this and somethimes the only way through is by getting it off your chest and by living through one day at a time in some instances one hour at a time.

Hard to believe but there will be light one day at the end of the tunnel.
What I’ve done in the past is do a review of my year when things have been realy shitty and then looked back and realised hey I servived that, you’ve all ready servived one round of menopausal symptoms you did it once you can do it again (I’m going through the same thing although in reverse to you had normal mp now had to come of hrt due to bc)

Know this sounds a bit nuts but apparently its what actors do and to be honest I thought it was mad but it helps
Look in the mirrot and tell yourself how wonderful and beutiful you are - not always easy when your feeling like pants, but give it a try always makes me giggle. Also try to give yourself little treats now and then because we and you know your worth it.

Love g x

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Thanks for your comments G I too have been feeling very low for lots of reasons ans reading your comments cheered me up and made me smile Thanks again K x

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Hi Kittyhawk

thought your name was a bird so have been looking ‘kittyhawk’ up in my bird book (for quizzes) to see what type of bird you are but its not there so no further foreward!!!
These days I try not to take life too seriously, I just literally 'get on with it ’ each day.
I was diag. last july, had 7 chemos, wle, full node removal, 1 node affected then 3 weeks rads in March/april. Am 53. So its all over is it???, well yes, for now at least. I look at it that last year was, quality wise, non-existant. It was b. awful in lots of ways as everyone knows. I am on Arimidex and get pains in lower leg and body aches includng my hands. I feel my body has aged as it constantly reminds me. My hair is slowly getting there, although the new growth has a life of its own and sticks out, bit like an ostrich really…I am forever trying to plaster it down but it springs back up…
I know that this life is so uncertain, but I refuse to waste what I still have. I didn’t go through last year to give up now or I may as well not have had last year.
I have put on weight, like many others but instead of letting myself go to completely to pot I have joined a gym. I even have a personal trainer (£25 for an hour)… I only plan to use his ‘expertise’ once a month for a couple of months so I know what to aim for as I am not rich enough to keep paying up. He has taken me through some weight training sessions, omg, you should have seen me the day after, …nothing worked, I was in agony… all my muscles were screaming, I couldn’t sit into a chair, I could bend my knees so far and then had to drop into a chair as thigh muscles had seized. Apparently I am getting FIT. Obviously because muscles werent used much last year, lots of time in bed, they are now having a rude awakening. Thankfully the weights are once a week, then twice a week cardio vascular which I find a lot less difficult. I find it helps to have something to aim for and concentrate on. At the gym, I totally ignore the skinnies and the muscle bound , put my music on and just concentrate on whatI have to do, thats all thats important. Even through the pain afterwards I get a buzz that I have done it. My friends at work (I only do 27hrs a week shift work) laughed at the state of me and wondered why I had spent good money to end up hardly able to bend. Needless to say there was little sympathy.

I try not to dwell on things now, yes I have my quiet times where the fear creeps in and then the tears but it passes. I am frightened when I check my boobs but then not checking them won’t change a thing.

Life is tough for many but lying in bed last year I was desperate to feel ‘well’ again and be able to do ‘normal’ things, so that is what I’m going to do for as long as I can. (even the weights… hmmm)
(I have given the trainer leaflets on Arimidex and lymphodema).

As Fozzie says we only get this one life, don’t sit and wait for better things to happen, get out there, think about what you enjoy and go do something to get it started, its hard, but do it. Wish I was better able to express myself. I dont post much now as there are many who don’t like ‘positive’ people, it doesn’t come easy, but I will dig hard to find it.

hugs and lots of understanding
you will get there
just take one step to make a change
Chris x

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Thanks, ladies. Your comments and kindness do help! There’s a lot of adjustment ( understatement?) to go through with the bc d/x , treatment, uncertainty, as well as the naturally ocurring event of menopause which can throw women out of kilter. Will try to get out there as advised , taking a step at a time. Had some aromatherapy on Wednesday which made me feel a bit better and long nature ramble with Y6 children today in June sunshine.

btw kittyhawk is the place from which the Wright brothers took off on their first flight / the first flight ever. Thought it could be an ‘uplifting’ name! lol

kitty