Feeling Low

I’m living with an elderly mother who on each occasion I told her I had cancer her immediate response was suggesting I went down to my local funeral directors to sort out my funeral. Then today I got it in the ear about how unhappy she was that I was moving to England & once again started talking about me dying & ‘demanded’ to know if my Fiance(soon to be my husband) had enough money to bury me. She refuses to see how cold & insensitive it is to be talking like this. I’m feeling very hurt by her coldness & just can’t get my head around why she is like this 

Hi Elizabeth,

I am sorry to hear you are feeling down at the moment. I would say your mother is desperately sad and upset at the thought of you moving away.  Deep down, she probably knows it’s the right decision for you to move away and start a new chapter but she is frightened of losing you and is taking her feelings out on you.  Instead of showing she’s upset, it’s coming out as anger.

My own parents find it very hard to express themselves and most of our arguments appear to be about one thing when with hindsight, they’re really about something else. I’ve just remembered that in an argument, my mum threw back at me comments along the lines of “you’ve moved to the back of beyond”.  I had, a few years earlier, moved to a different county, about 60 miles away but until then, apart from college and a bit of travelling, had always lived fairly nearby. 

Also, your mother is frightened about your health and is probably petrified for you but is literally throwing her own fears at you and indirectly your fiancé.  Is there a family member who could mediate and speak to your mother? I would think she is extremely low and feels she is losing you when if the communication could be improved, she will maybe see that you moving away to start a new chapter is exciting and not you saying ‘goodbye’ but you living a new and different life

Stay focused, don’t give up on this fresh start as you are nearly there :heart::heart::heart:

You deserve happiness whatever you are going through or whatever the outcome people are living with secondaries for years now, new treatments all the time. I think your mum is being unreasonable and insensitive probably because she is worried about you but you have to do what is right for you . I’m nearly 2 years with secondaries still working sending you love hope and hugs . Liz

Good luck with your move to England and future with your husband to be.

Could it be that your Mum is worried she will never see you as you are moving away? Is England far from where she lives? Would it help if she knew when she will next see you after you move? There is nowt so queer as folk, as they say.

All the best, Kinden x