Week a go tomorrow I had my first chemo session. But where I thought I would start maybe feeling ok. I feel like I’m drowning. I’m so tired and then get light headed. And then this horrible feeling like I cant cope and I just cry and just want to go bed and sleep but I cant. I feel so cross with my self I’m coming up 60 and I keep telling my self not to be stupid and buck up. But I had this feeling.
I was just about to write a similar post! I feel like an empty vessel with a head stuffed with cotton wool. I can’t focus, I can’t get up and do things, I’m trapped. I had my PICC line inserted yesterday, which went slightly wrong. Hopefully the snafoo will sort itself out - I snapped at a friend on facebook and said how I really felt (needed to come out) and had ANOTHER sleepless night. I haven’t even started chemo yet, and I feel sick already!
However Butler10, we will get through this - it’s just another step along the way to recovery. I know I will overcome the darkness as I have so many times, since I’ve had depression most of my life. Like you, I keep telling myself to snap out of it and do something, even if it’s just putting away clean folded clothes. I’ve been sat at my computer most of the morning, working, but I still feel like a lazy so and so!
Its perfectly normal to throw a self pity party - I haven’t cried in front of my family, but the nurses have seen my tears and allayed my worries.
So hugs to you, it’s fine to feel sad at a time like this. If you do find yourself feeling more and more low though, please talk to your nurse for help and advice
xxx