Feeling numb

Hello 

i have been reading all the threads and stories about everyone’s journeys they are inspirational.

but at the moment I just feel numb I can’t seem to remember what I have to,d and the weeks have dragged from one appointment to another I have my op date now 22 Nov I am scared and don’t want to let my family down by being ill has anyone else felt like this will I get motivated like everyone else ?

Hi Gaynor ,the first few weeks are really hard, I sleep walked through the time in between my diagnosis and my op ,don’t know quite how I got through it.I remember reading posts on the forum from women further on in their treatment and they were taking about doing "normal " things like going on holiday and going to concerts and they all seemed so up beat,I couldn’t believe they were having any sort of normality amongst all of this ,but you do ,it does get easier and you will get there too .Jill.

It’s a really ,really hard thing to get your head around but it really does get a lot less overwhelming and you find a way to deal with it .Bad days are part of the process but they get less and the support of people who understand how it feels really helps .

Gaynor, I was the very same as yourself when first diagnosed,everything just a total
blur and a very scary time. Once you get your op/treatment plan things will settle. Take good care of yourself, Mary

Thank you for replying, it does seem a lot to take in and you have so many things to go through that no one tells you about needle biopsys , biopsy  then more of the same my breast is black and blue and just as I think it’s all over they start again I sopose they have to sure of what size they are dealing with x

Hello Gaynor. I completely understand. I had a recall from a regular mammogram on 20th October, went back and had multiple biopsies and 10 days later was given what I thought was the final diagnosis of an invasive ductal carcinoma in my left breast, told it was a good cancer if there is such a thing, and it was treatable.   After explaining all about this the consultant then mentioned calcifications in both breasts (never mentioned beforehand), so I now have an MRI tomorrow then a further wait for results, so am still in the dark re treatment.  It feels like being on a roller coaster and I don’t like roller coasters anyway.  My body is running completely on adrenaline and my usual night time amitriptyline is doing nothing at all. Sending vibes that tomorrow will be better for you - I seem to have a couple of better days then gradually fall back the nearer the next treatment or results gets.

jane X

Of course you are scared. It’s a scary place to be, everyone finds their own way to get through it. It is so hard but you will find an inner strength to get through this. I worry about my family more than myself about the extra stress my illness puts on their lives. But all they want is the best outcome for you. You can only rely on your surgeon and team who are there to help and support you and take all the support you can get from friends and family around you and this forum which is such a brilliant resource and help.
What’s the plan going forward, what op are you having on 22nd? Mines on 23rd if I don’t have to have chemo first will know for definite next Wednesday.
Hugs xx Mooneyxxx

Hi girls my op date is the 24th Nov. …wle and reconstruction as lump is under my breast…sample will then be sent to America to check chance of recurrence. .if high then have to have chemo if low to normal just radiotherapy…I’m having a few bad days we try not to speak about it much at home for fear of getting upset…spoke to breast nurse and doctor who have been fab…really looking for a positive outcome

Seems we are all in the same boat, thank you for your replys I am going to have my breast made smaller so the radiotherapy will get to everything it needs too , I seem to have a plan of action then keep thinking about if I have made the right decision, I feel guilty about thinking about my breasts and how they will look as all that matters is the cancer being taken away does anyone else feel like this ? sending hugs x