Hi Guys, hope you all doing ok
I’ve had to post today as I’ve been having some awful feelings the last couple of weeks. I can only assume its because I’m now 2 years+ past diagnosis and life is good at the moment - I can only assume its TOO good and now I’m waiting for the axe to fall.
Why after everything I’ve been through over the last 2 n a bit years am I now finding myself thinking about recurrence and being very weepy when I’m on my own. Everything in life is great at the moment, I have a supportive husband, good job (although I didn’t want to come back after treatment but financially had to), 2 great teenage boys who are blossoming into lovely young men and are both settled in careers.
WHY THEN DO I FEEL LIKE SOMETHING BAD IS GOING TO HAPPEN.
I can only think its because life was great before the dreaded diagnosis and am thinking well why not again.
Sorry to be a pain guys but I’d REALLY welcome all your thoughts on this one. I knew people had said recovery mentally can be up to 2 years, so why now after this time am I feeling insecure.
I am afraid | still feel angry about having breast cancer four years in and have lost any certainty I might have about the future. I am reminded of what I went through every day as I still have a partly removed left breast which doesn’t match the other one.
can totally relate to your feelings, I finished my treatment 13 months ago and was so positive the whole way through my treatment. I thought after treatment I would be my old self again - there’s a laugh - putting up with the menopause which is making my life a misery, joints pains, tiredness, tummy and bowel problems, and if my docs tell me once again these are a legacy of treatment and I’m just going to be delicate from now on I will scream. I’m off for a MRI tomorrow (for bone mets) and waiting for results of genetic testing. It’s the dread of it all happening again and the fact no-one can tell you it won’t.
I went to the hairdressers last week to get a dry tim - was trying to grow my hair back into a bob and it was getting there - and she totally wacked it, it’s so short now, just about an inch and then could not understand why I was so upset and then told me to calm down that it would grow back. My reaction - lets just say salon is now down one mirror and do you what that felt so good - I’m turning into a bad girl - the stunned faces in the salon were a picture and I just put my nose in the air and headed to the pub. I have felt quite since then so maybe being a bit bad is the way to go.
Hang in there Ladies I for one just know that someday all these negative thoughts and feelings will go away.
I can sympathise totally. I am nearly 2 years post dx and have only just really mentally recovered. It has taken that long. My life is good again now ( not as good as it was but I dont think it can be) but I feel like you - almost like “Don’t get cocky that you are alright because you might not be”. Its weird because I had a very good prognosis but sometimes I think that is worse because I think that’s too good to be true and I will be in the 2%!!
I do know a lot of people thought who are 7 years plus on from this and they are all fine so I think we have to try and focus on that.
Hi,love the bit about the mirror!! What a great thing to do. I am just over a year on from diagnosis and FEC,surgery and radiotherapy. I get so down and am so tired, back at work but some days don’t seem to achieve much at all.My hair is coming back but has lost its lovely shine and that really upsets me.No one to speak to really everyone thinks I am better now whatever better is. I don’t suppose that I really have no one to speak to as everyone has been really supportive but now that back at work people assume that all is well and maybe it is who knows?? I am rambling on here but does it matter really, I have found all these forums really helpful all through this mind blowing,earth shattering experience. I thought I had coped really well and maybe I did but I just want to be me again and will that ever happen?? Maybe I will be more positive again tomorrow but today has been bad day really
Take Care. God Bless
Hi,
i completely understand and relate to all you’ve said.
I was diagnosed in jan., 04 and finished treatment in august of that year, i returned to work in november 04…earlier than i intended or felt physically and mentally able to…my incapacity benefit was stopped because as the doctor at the medical said…‘’ so its just the cancer that bothers you ‘’…yes it’s something trivial like cancer …was what i should of said to him along with the punch i should of given him!!
I lost my friend to BC in feb., this year, and my aunt who was dx 15yrs ago was dx with bone mets 2 yrs ago and has recently had to have her treatment changed as mets were not responding.
I constantly have a feeling of doom, my life will never be the same, i will never be the same…moving on is not as easy as people think.
Some days are reasonably good, but then along comes a bad one and the emotions and gremlins come out.
I too fortunatley have a wonderful husband, family and friends and talking on here helps too.
Like all of you, coming to terms with this is not easy and I still haven’t managed it - October 21 was my second “anniversary”, which strikes me as too festive a name for such an event. At some level am waiting for the other shoe to drop, worrying it may return. And then, hilariously, worrying that such worrying may cause it to come back.
And taking tamoxifen is of course a daily reminder of what happened. I don’t know how we move on from here - like a lot of women who’ve had BC I want to get back to normal, the way I was before, but “normal” is now another country, out of my reach and yes, I feel bitter and angry about that. I’ve had some counselling, but it didn’t help all that much and I guess that only time is going to help me out here and that I will eventually learn to manage the sense of apprehension and regret for that carefree pre-BC past I once inhabited.
Glad to know you’re all there, though, and posting.
It’s been exactly a year for me since I first felt a lump. Although I’m really pleased that I’m through the treatment, surgery, chemo and Rads I too am experiencing this fear of a return of the cancer. Am I sure that it’s all gone? what reassurances can the medical proffession give me? ect. Understanderbly, most people who have had bc want to put the experience behind them a.s.a.p and I feel the same. When looking for comfort however,there only ever seems to be info from folks who are still having problems with side effects of treatment or have had reoccurances.
I had my last rad on Sept 5th. I’ve just rejoined my gym after being away for a year. On friday I managed to swim just 4 lengths before being completely whacked! my arms still ache. I feel really pathetic! It’s also true that now I’m back at work the bc isn’t mentioned and I feel like the support I had from family and friends has been significantly withdrawn. So why then do I feel this real sense of sadness? I can burst into tears without any warning. I think that because I had to be so strong to get through the treatment it’s only now that I am allowing my feelings through and I have a kind of delayed shock. Does that make any sense? Sorry for the ramble! I’m hoping that I’ll soon start to feel less tired and emotional and will think about the experience less often.
But hey ho lets face it, it’s only by getting cancer that one can truly understand the devastation it can cause to ones self esteme and security.Rebuilding a life takes time so i’ll have to be more patient.
I just wanted to let you know about a support service which some of you may find of interest which is the Breast Cancer Care telephone support group. The aim of the group is to give you the opportunity to talk privately and confidentially to other people around the UK with similar experiences.
Discussions cover issues such as coping with the impact your diagnosis has on your life, relationships, returning to work, money, as well as other peoples’ expectations of you.
The groups are completely free (we pay for the phone calls) and as long as you have access to a phone and have a quiet private place from which to call, you can join us from anywhere in the UK.
For more information telephone 0808 800 6000 or email: