Feeling pretty scared now

Hi everyone xx

I want to thank all of you out there for your positivity and support. I had a bad day yesterday and still feel very scared today. I was DX 23 Oct and only know so far that I will lose my left breast and that the BC is likely to be active. I don’t know how big it is or what active means. I do hope you are having a better time than I am right now. I would not wish this on anybody.

Love of my life was away but got home on Saturday, finally told my parents and my children on Sunday and my parents told my siblings and aunts and uncles. We have a celebration on Friday for my parents 50th Wedding Anniversary and I am looking forward to celebrating with them but am very worried that my family will be upset around me. I don’t want any attention because of BC. It is Mum and Dads day but I had to tell them as they go on holiday Tuesday 6th and I did not want to chuck this at them just before they head away for a couple of weeks.

So far I have been I think pretty strong I have been reassuring my sisters and parents and my love but inside I am now at screaming point and in need of them reassuring me. But I can’t ask them to help me as I worry about them all coping with it. I did speak a little of how I am feeling to my love and he is there for me one million per cent I so hate to see him scared and tearful. We are a large and close family and a pretty emotional lot at the best of times. I am putting out to those I love that I am fine and that there is nothing to worry about but I am scared that the cancer is in other places in my body and now that the wound from the needle thing and the biopsy is feeling less sore I am sure that the monster has grown. It is such a long time till Monday 5th Nov when I get the full prognosis and treatment plans. Part of me wants it never to come and I am scared of falling apart over it emotionally.

Thanks for your time, I wish you well.
Luvnhugs Carolexxx

Hi Carole

Its so easy for me to say try not to worry, particularly having been there myself. The first couple of weeks are indeed the worst, from diagnosis, to telling people, to finding out results etc etc. Its a very scary time and my heart goes out to you.
Once Monday arrives and you find out the results and your treatment plan, you will start to feel better.

I was diagnosed back in April and to see my hubby and daughters so upset broke my heart. However, as the time has gone on they’ve all shown such strength and somehow I’ve gained it too, so much so that things have almost been back to normal (as normal can be under the circumstances!). I’ve had my chemo and four weeks ago had my mastectomy; I’m now waiting for radiotherapy to start, then I’ll have a year of herceptin.

You sound as if you have a wonderful family Carole, and you shouldnt feel bad about wanting - and needing - their support. Have a good old cry, tell them your fears and worries - that’s what our families and friends are there for - as you would be there for them.

I hope Friday’s party goes well, I’ll be thinking of you, and please do let us know how you get on on Monday. We’re all here for you if you need us.

much love, and huge hugs

Julie xxxx

Hi Julie

Thanks so much for your kindness. I have just phoned my Dad and had a chat with him and I feel better for that, then my lovely man phoned me to tell me how much he loves me.

My best pal is coming over about 1.30 today to have a cuddle and some soup so that will keep me going. Just going to go and dye my hair, while I still can!!! and get myself into a warm bath after that and put on something pretty, don’t feel like doing any of that lot but I know that I will feel a bit better if I look a bit better.

Wishing you a speedy recovery Julie hope that the chemo has not been to unkind to you and that the radio also is not too bad for you. Take good care of yourself and I will post on Monday or Tuesday after I see the consultant for full results.
Luvnhugs Carolexxx

Hi curlycat60

If you would like to talk to someone outside of your family about how you feel at the moment please don’t hesitate to use the Breast Cancer Care helpline. Here you are able to talk to someone in confidence about your fears and concerns and the team on the helpline are happy to talk to you and just be a listening ear if you feel you want to offload. BCC are here to support you so please use us if it will help. The helpline is open Monday to Friday 9am to 5pm and Saturdays 9am to 2pm. The number is free phone 0808 800 6000.

Kind regards

Breast Cancer Care

Thank you Katie

I will do that later on today, just going to have a bath with some lavendar oil to try to calm myself.


Hi Carole

I had mastectomy on 18th Sept and now recoverying well. I agree with Julie the first two weeks after dx are worst and I like you within 4 days felt my body was riddled with cancer. I wrote down all my worries and any questions I had and took them to meeting with consultant, some of the questions may have seemed small and silly but nobody minded and answers were given. I also kept talking to my hubby and friends who were positive and supportive.It sounds you have fantastic support from your family. I agree making yourself feel good helps too before and after op. My daughter and I went out shopping for pretty pyjamas etc which helped. No harm in crying I balled my eyes out then put on public face.

Good luck on 5th I will be thinking of you, take care. Here’s wishing you a speedy recovery.

Linda x

Hi Carole,

I too wanted to say that it does get better once things get moving. I found it so hard telling family and other half…especially when i was told they were 99% certain mine was just a Fibroadenoma. I hadnt told them i was going to the hospital, my thought process was if its nothing I will have put them through hell for nothing…! Unfort i was dx with C and all i could think of was im due to turn 31 and ive got C!!..everything you could think of i thought of solidly for days after and was an emotional mess…Im a little like you, I keep telling my family im fine and most of the time I am however everyone gets low moments, sad moments & moments when you cant even understand your own thoughts!! Thats when I come on here as the ladies on here are wonderfully supportive no matter what.

Everytime I do get sad though I have a wonderfully supportive other half for cuddles and reassurance.

Im due my 5th chemo next Wed, having had a lumpectomy. I will have Radiotherapy after 6 chemos and maybe hormone treatment afterwards but I remember everything right from the start on how scared I was and beleive me, once things get started you do find inner strength from somewhere to ride this emotional rollercoaster and things will get easier. Each stage of this journey is a hurdle and we are all here to help you get over them.

Please let u know how you are next week after seeing the consultant.

Best Wishes and sending a big hug.


Thanks Ladies xx

Feeling a bit better now, my bezzy mate left about half an hour ago. I too had thought last Tuesday that this was nothing and had not told a soul so went thru it all on my own. I do have great support in my love, my family and close friends for which I am so grateful. Just answered the phone there and it was my Dad. Going to try and have a doze as am only managing a couple of hours sleep at night and I am exhausted.

Wishing you all the very best,
Luvnhugs Carolexxx

Me again

Just got a call from my BC nurse and she tells me it is around 48mm sounds pretty bad to me anybody else have that size? What was your outcome?