Feeling rattled

Heard last Sunday that the wife of an acquaintance had died of secondary breast cancer, 15 years after her first diagnosis. Her recurrence was only discovered in February, after she had been ill for several months without anyone finding out why (or even looking very hard in that direction, as far as I can work out)

I met her a few times and really liked her, she had a lovely sunny disposition. We once discussed that fact we both had BC and she said she never looked back to that time and very seldom even thought about it. I was looking forward to reaching that same state myself some day.

Then 10 days ago I was told she had gone into a hospice and last Saturday she died.

I’m not very good at managing my emotions at the moment and am shocked at how upset I am, even though we were not that close. A lot of it is to do with myself, wondering if I’m going to go this way also in another 10 years or so. I can’t even bring myself to go to her funeral, which makes me feel very self centred and guilty.

No need to reply to this message, I just wanted to let off steam somewhere.

It is hard Irene and I do understand what you are saying. Sometimes we just have to put ourselves first. I went thru a period when friends, family etc. died and I just could not bring myself to attend their funerals - it was too painfully near the mark. You sound very wise - in that you recognise where the feelings are coming from. Just be gentle with yourself and it will pass. None of us knows how long we have and these losses serve as a constant reminder, but you are sharing it here where we will all understand.


So sorry to hear of this ladies passing. I totally understand how upsetting this will be for you. My friend at work took long term compassionate leave late February after her partner was advised his latest tumor (his 3rd) had not responded to the radiotherapy and unfortunately at that point there was no other treatment available to him (he’s had the lot including bone marrow transplant). I attended their wedding in April and his funeral 6 weeks later.

It is very difficult when someone else passes from the same disease you have suffered yourself. Part of you does worry that a few years down the line it is going to be you. Part of my felt guilty for being here with a good prognosis when a young man had lost his life to cancer.

I hope in time you are able to get back on the straight and narrow and see a future that is not blighted with the worry of the cancer coming back.

Thank you both for your understanding. I don’t often post on here, but it’s so nice to know you’re there. xxx