Hi All. I was diagnosed with breast cancer on Wednesday - I thought I was coping well - I was more worried how my husband was going to be when we were being told. I haven’t told any of my kids yet - as I am due an MRI on Tuesday to establish the full facts and for a decision as to which surgery I will need. I’ve sort of been pitting on a brave face and trying to go about my days as before - but I had a major melt down last night and couldn’t stop crying - its as though it is a delayed reaction. Now i just have an overwhelming feeling of sadness - I don’t want to feel sorry for myself but I can’t help it.
Any tips on how to get myself out of the doldrums?
Hi Helen, let yourself feel sad, you don’t have to put on a brave face all of the time, a diagnosis is the pits and you are allowed to feel sad, angry and any other emotion you want to right now!
I was more worried about everyone else around me too and felt incredibly guilty for dumping this on my family especially my husband and sons, causing them hurt was the last thing I wanted to be doing but I had to accept that it wasn’t my fault , I couldn’t help having cancer and there was nothing I could do to change things.
It does get better but it takes time, as you get the full picture and know your exact treatment plan the sadness will lift and your fight will return, you just get on with dealing with it, as the days pass you will cope better and better but you have to accept that things have to change for now, you have to put yourself first and allow others to take up the slack. I’m sure you are like most of us here,the One everybody turns to but its time to take a step back and let them all do for you what you would for them if the tables were turned Xx Jo
Helen my boys were 24 and 26 when I was diagnosed and my youngest wasn’t living at home, I hadn’t planned on telling him on the phone but he rang me and I couldn’t keep if from him, he’s the more level headed of the two so wanted to know the ins and outs.
My eldest who was living at home with his fiance is a real mummys boy and his response was “well you can’t die mum”.
Well I didn’t die and 3 years on he’s married with a little daughter and youngest son gets married in 10 days time! You get through this awful initial period and life does settle down again, if we mention it now my boys are more likely to say oh yeah I’d almost forgotten you had cancer mum… that will do for me Xx Jo
Back in April I was just where you are now, panicking, terrified and despairing. As these lovely ladies on this forum have said, it will become easier, hard to imagine now I’m sure ! - but it does, one step at a time and keep on stepping… I’ve now completed 5 sessions of radiotherapy (10 to go) after going through surgery, so I’m getting there, days of sadness and anxiety still come, but I get through them, and you will too.
There was no way I could keep the news of my diagnosis from my daughter, she knows me too well ! But I would have given anything to spare her that worry, I so understand your situation. But I came to realise that I had to think of myself too, and learning to be kind to yourself during this time is important, but it is hard…
So forgive yourself, and take care, you will get there.
Dear Helen,
I got my news in April as well, same as Thistle, and at the time my whole world just turned grey.
But i hit the NHS system and it dragged me through.
I had a few meltdowns, one where I was literally crying my heart out on my partners shoulder in the middle of a shopping centre, as the enormity of it all hit me. But it needed to be done.
Im now 5 weeks post rads (lumpectomy and a few nodes removed) and starting to find my normal.
This forum has been a Godsend and I’ve found so much useful info on here especially concerning radiotherapy.
Its amazing how we all work through it and there is always someone here to listen and give advice.
It is really crappy but with the best will in the world, come the New Year you’ll be coming out the other side and offering help and support to the next wave.
Keep ya pecker up chick xxx
I’m so sorry to hear about your diagnosis. I am in the “waiting to hear” stage.
Feeling sorry for yourself is OK! But if you want to exert more control over the “low’s”-try and keep yourself busy with things you enjoy doing as well as things that give you a sense of achievement. In other words, carrying on with normal, everyday tasks (fun things and achivement oriented ones) helps to keep balanced mentally because it gives your mind a rest from thinking about things.
I’d also advise you not to be so brave as per the brave face you are wearing:). Allow yourself to cry and to seek comfort from your husband. You don’t need to be strong all of the time.
Nothing wrong with feeling sorry for yourself, as long as it’s contained:).
Helenann. So sorry you are here but believe me you will find so much support advice and love on this forum. I was diagnosed at the end of April and had a trip to Dubai booked the following week. My surgeon was brilliant. I was only going for 6 days and he simply moved my surgery back a week. Flew back to the UK on a Sunday night and had operation on the Tuesday. I have now almost finished my radiotherapy only 3 more sessions to go. This whole journey is a roller-coaster you will have days when you almost feel normal and then suddenly your in bits. My advice is go with the flow cry scream swear shout its the best way to deal with this. The bad days will pass and before you know it you will be coming out the other side. Yes as others have said battered and bruised and sometimes it feels like one step forward two back but honestly you will beat this. I am having my radiotherapy at Aintree but had my operation at the Royal. I cannot praise the staff enough from my BC nurse and surgeon to the lovely radiographers at the centre in Aintree. Don’t feel you have to protect everyone you need to put yourself at the top of the list for the coming months you will be suprised at how resilient your children can be. Sending you lots of love and support. Chris.
So glad to hear you’ve got through the MRI and get your results soon, it’s a relief that you have a date already. Sorry I’ve not checked up on your progress until today as I’ve been through a bit of a blip mood-wise - blaming the radiotherapy, hormone treatment, anything but my own anxious soul !!
Waiting can be scary as brain goes into overdrive, I was told that it goes into flight or fight mode and produces chemicals that trigger pains throughout the body, - which did reassure me a bit as I was getting pains everywhere…? - so remember that ! It’s chemical - not real…
Keep absorbing the reassurances from all the wise owls on here as you go through your treatment - myself excluded as I haven’t graduated to wise owl yet ! I’m still going through it - radiotherapy session number 9 today.
Holidays - hope you can get it swung for yours, I was able to go after surgery on our pre-booked hol as the dates were OK, but only got the final go-ahead from the oncologist two days before !! But they are very accommodating of holidays as my Breast Nurse said, a holiday is just what you need to help mentally set yourself up for surgery or treatment, and they know that…
Best of luck, will be keeping tabs on your progress.
Helen, please don’t worry, we’ve all had days like that, my worst time was around the mri as well, but as it turned out, all was well & then I was glad it was done.
I found it helpful to remind myself, that to get the best treatment plan these investigations have to be done, as it would be far worse if the information wasn’t available to inform the treatment plan.
Tomorrow’s another day & these feelings do pass
Sending hugs
ann x
I can really relate to what you are going through at the moment with this down period, just been down there myself and it’s not pleasant, but it’s what we all go through sometimes as everyone is echoing on here…
I was horrendously sore and technicolour bruised from the biopsy for ages - if I recall it was on the 27th April and my op was on 29th May, and the surgeon commented on the redness and bruising at the pre-op… I was told that soreness from a core biopsy can last for months.So it is normal, and the shoulder ache could very well stem from that too…I had pains around my non existent gall bladder and convinced myself it had spread to my liver! But no - as was explained to me, it was the brain going into overdrive… and it doesn’t half!
Know what you mean about the cannula pain, it’s such a sore area, top of the hand, - it’ll fade though, you know that…
Wobbles, blips and meltdowns happen, and positivity is difficult to maintain all the time, don’t beat yourself up, (says me who has no right to lecture either as I’ve just been there!) We will all beat this together, and if thinking and wishing good thoughts will bring you comfort, wishes and thoughts are being sent , - just you keep stepping, one step at a time,.and get there.
I’m so sorry to hear you are so sore-I can empathise. I haven’t had an MRI (yet)? but my vacuum assisted core biopsy was a week ago today and my breast has never looked so “beaten” and bruised. I completely understand what you mean by you sometimes wish you hadn’t done anything about it and not messed…but as the others have said…without these investigations, we’d be none the wiser and we at least have a good chance of treating the illness. I know it’s not pleasant. I really get that. I’m also sorry to hear your hand is sore from the cannula (I didn’t realise they do that for an MRI)-I had a shoulder MRI years ago without a cannula.
I want to focus on your mood since this thread is “Feeling sad”. Please don’t beat yourself up for having the “lows”. It’s perfectly normal given what you are going through. I’m a CBT therapist (20+ years experience) and practicing what I preach is not easy:). Feeling scared, low, angry and anything else is perfectly normal. As the other wonderful women have said: you are NOT a pain, and you have every right to feel however you wish. This is a confusing time. A time of uncertainty, of waiting, etc. Anybody in this position would feel the way you are feeling. I find out today (11:30AM) what the results of my biopsy are and I’m actually surprised I slept at all last night given how I was feeling throughout the day. Re-my sore boob: they hinted to me last week that if the consensus (from their meeting) is that the area they took the biopsy from shows inconclusive, they may want to do another one. Well-this may come as a surprise to them but I’m going in there armed and ready to say “not today”. The soreness of my boob will not allow anyone to manhandle it so soon after the first one! I’m just not ready for another biopsy, if it’s needed and I have a feeling I may say the same re-the MRI.
I am crossing my fingers that the results of your MRI are as good as they can be, and in the meantime, be kind to yourself and allow the moods to come and go. We are all here for you. xxxxx
I’m so sorry to hear you are so sore-I can empathise. I haven’t had an MRI (yet)? but my vacuum assisted core biopsy was a week ago today and my breast has never looked so “beaten” and bruised. I’m also sorry to hear your hand is sore from the cannula (I didn’t realise they do that for an MRI)-I had a shoulder MRI years ago without a cannula.
I want to focus on your mood since this thread is “Feeling sad”. Please don’t beat yourself up for having the “lows”. It’s perfectly normal given what you are going through. I’m a CBT therapist (20+ years experience) and practicing what I preach is not easy:). Feeling scared, low, angry and anything else is perfectly normal. As the other wonderful women have said: you are NOT a pain, and you have every right to feel however you wish. This is a confusing time. A time of uncertainty, of waiting, etc. Anybody in this position would feel the way you are feeling. I find out today (11:30AM) what the results of my biopsy are and I’m actually surprised I slept at all last night given how I was feeling throughout the day. Re-my sore boob: they hinted to me last week that if the consensus (from their meeting) is that the area they took the biopsy from shows inconclusive, they may want to do another one. Well-this may come as a surprise to them but I’m going in there armed and ready to say “not today”. The soreness of my boob will not allow anyone to manhandle it so soon after the first one! I’m just not ready for another biopsy, if it’s needed and I have a feeling I may say the same re-the MRI.
I am crossing my fingers that the results of your MRI are as good as they can be, and in the meantime, be kind to yourself and allow the moods to come and go. We are all here for you. xxxxx
Good luck with your results appointment Maria - I hope you don’t have to go through further tests.I have at times said no I do not feel able to have this test /treatment right now - sometimes you need to press pause for a short -time rather than be railroaded although it does usually just mean delaying the inevitable. ???for you .Jill x
Hi Maria,
I got very stressed over the mri, but then was very glad it was done once the results were through & yes, all was ok.
The surgeon does need to know what’s in there, to plan the surgery. It would be far worse if anything was missed.
It may not even be needed, not everyone has an mri.
ann x
Well thank goodness its nearly Wednesday - thats been a loooong week and a day since I had the MRI scan
and I get the results tomorrow afternoon.
Maybe they’ll tell me its all been a terrible mistake and I don’t have breast cancer after all - the MRI shows its something else and the biopsy result must have got mixed up or…
Maybe I’ll wake up tomorrow like the episode in Dallas (for those old enough to remember Dallas?) and its all been a bad dream and I’ll be saying to myhusband 'I had the most awful nightmare -I dreamt I’d been diagnosed with breast cancer - thank god i’m awake and its all been a dream.?
In all seriousness, though, the best I can really hope for is that the MRI scan hasn’t shown up anything on my ‘good’ breast and that nothing extra has shown up on the ‘bad’ breast.
This time tomorrow I should hopefully have a date for surgery and a treatment plan and can start making plans and hopefully I get to go on my holiday to France on 11th September. Fingers crosed.???
Fingers and toes crossed for you tomorrow, and yes, Bobby Ewing’s dream!! (It would be lovely if life reflected Hollywood, I was hoping for nanobots to zap me in Radiotherapy instead of X-Rays ?..too much Dr Who, I’m afraid.)
I was where you are, yet again, like most of us, and like most of us, came through the results with nothing but the details needed by the team to draw up the treatment plan, my CT scan gave me the encouraging news that the tumour did not seem to be as big as first thought, and I too was expecting the nasty to be everywhere…but no, it wasn’t.
As for your France hol, as previously recommended on here, (and it’s what I did too!), just drop your planned departure date into the conversation, and I’m sure they’ll do their best to fit it in, - it was said to me that a holiday would be good for me to aid recovery from the op - I went on 4th July after op on the 29th May. They held back on the follow -up appt with the oncologist for the ‘next step’ until my return…said it was perfectly ok to delay it a bit… This was 2 days before departure !
Just get through this next step, you are progressing through the forest, slowly but surely…
Keep us posted ! And the very best of luck that you’ll get your wish…