Feeling scared and very low

Hi, have just been diagnosed with breast cancer and have been told it is treatable. Am having MRI on tuesday - so will know a bit more then. The whole thing seems very surreal and it doesn’t help that things were not great for me before all this (separating from partner) . I am also still smoking and drinking as it is a comfort but i know i should stop but feel really down and unsure about future. Does it get any easier? I feel like i’m in a big black hole and can’t get out.

Dear Kristalou

Welcome to the BCC forums, you may find our resource pack helpful, it has been designed for those newly diagnosed, just follow the link below to order a copy:


If you feel it would help to talk to someone in confidence about any concerns you have and how you are feeling at the moment, then please give the helpline a call, the staff here are all either breast care nurses or people who have personal experience of breast care issues. The number to call is 0808 800 6000 the lines open Monday to Friday 9am - 5pm and Saturdays 9am - 2pm.

I hope this is of some help to you.

Best wishes

Hi kristalou

The time after diagnosis is very hard for many people…and the back hole changes and you do climb out…even if you subequently go back in and out of the hole.

‘Breast cancer’ is not just one disease but many…some breast cancer has a poor prognosis but some has a much better prognosis…it depends on the type of breast cancer you have and how far it has spread and how well you respond to treatment. Take your time, but as you find out more information about your kind of breast cancer and the treatment you are to have you may start to feel more in control.

I was diagnosed this time of year 5 years ago and remember the initial dark hole…the worst of all times.

best wishes


Hi Kristalou,
Im so sorry to hear you have been Dx with BC , i know how you must be feeling right now , but im glad you have found this wonderfull website cos you will have so much help and support off of all the lovely ladies here.
I was Dx july 07 and finished my treatment in march this year,though am at present waiting on some more test results.When i was dx i felt pretty much like you do now, but i promise it will get better once you know your treatment plan .
It still seems surreal to me now but you will cope and the treatments are all very doable these days and although it sometimes seems a long road you will get through it
Im sorry youve had other problems too with your partner, do you have family and friends for support? . come on here if you need any help or advice or just to rant , we all understand cos we all have been there .
I know it may not seem like it now but it will get easier promise.
Good luck for tuesday with your MRI scan and please let us know how you get on.
Lots of hugs ((((((((())))))))
Lindiloo x

hi kristalou

i was dxed last yr and i can promise u that the first few wks of shock are the worst,after that u do come to terms with it and just get on with life. the treatments these days are amazing so more than likely you’ll be fine…try not to worry…its a pisser but there are worse things that cd happen in life, this can generally be dealt with

take care xx

Hi kristalou

It is tough at the begining. I was dx last October and finished everything by July this year. It is a journey you are about to embark on and each step through is a milestone. I hope you have support of friends and family as this is worth its weight in gold. Just remember with sites like this you need never be alone and everyone is rooting for you and wishing you well.
Stay strong and focussed this is about you.

Sorry your relationship is breaking down as well, you must feel like you have a mountain to climb. But climb it you will, us women are made of strong stuff!!!

I also still smoke, but feel as if it is after the horse has bolted and all that. I know numerous peopl who have had BC and never smoked in their lives, its down to personal choice. Dont let people give you a hard time if you carry on, they are not the ones going through it!!!

Hope things go well

Love Elainexx

I agree, the period after diagnosis is terrible…i have never felt so scared and so alone in my life (and I’m married and have a large family, and yet I really did feel very alone with this).I’ve really bounced from.‘well, they’ve obviously made a mistake’…to ‘oh dear lord, this is it, i’m going to die’…and off the walls again with ’ he’ll never look at me and want to love me again’…and then there were the nightmares, involving my operation (still yet to come, but i have the date)…now, the only way I have been able to cope is to talk and talk and then talk again about it.I hit the internet searching for answers and I have spoken at length with ‘my’ surgeon (probably had at least 2 hours so far) and ‘my’ nurse is there, whenever i need her, and no matter how silly my questions seem. I couldn’t sleep for fear and i ended up asking my gp (lovely, lovely chap who again allows me to talk this through for as long as i need) for a very mild sleeping pill, which has really made a difference.Good sleep makes the world a different place for me. And all the doctors and nurses have been completely honest, open and upfront with me.If I ask something, I get an immediate answer and reasons why something can, or cannot be done…all these things have helped to make me feel much more in control of what is happening.I told them I don’t want to end up feeling like i am '‘the right breast carcinoma in bed 6’, i want always to be treated as a person, to whom this really matters.And I feel truly lucky to have found a surgeon and nurse to whom it seems to matter too.people who seem to see me as a woman and are keen that i still feel like a WHOLE woman when this is over, whatever happens.I’d hope it’s like this for everyone, but i know it isn’t, which makes it even more of a blessing that I am being treated so well.I even threw a wobbler over having my boobs photographed by the hospital’s medical photographer (I know,maybe silly, but it matters to me…), so my surgeon has said he will do them himself, which i’m much more comfortable with.So, my advice, for what it’s worth, is to ask those questions, challenge anything you don’t understand/like the sound of/or are worried about.As to the smoking and drinking, i am in no position to judge you on that, I’m lucky that I don’t smoke, and I’m not a fan of alcohol particularly, (though the odd glass of red once in a while is ok!)…but maybe if you could cut back on them, it would help?? So many of the ladies on here seem so brave and so practical that I am certain you will find lots of support and comfort, as well as good advice whenever you ask for it.It still comes down to this: if I want to live (and I DO, no question!), then this is something to get through as quickly as I can, so i can get on with living!! Good luck x