feeling so low again, again, again
feeling so low again, again, again It occured to me last night (2 hrs sleep all night), that I am now someone else, a different person and I think I am in mourning for the old me, does that make sense?
Had a very hectic day with 4 dif medical appointments with time inbetween to sit in my car and ‘think’, something I haven’t allowed myself to do before.
I also had a theraputic massage and the nurse who does it is so sweet, I ended up crying in a heap at the end of it. She said it was because I has relaxed and allowed all the crap back in.
Been so busy the last few wks kicking my OH butt, I haven’t thought about me. Even when I have been told to and agreed I needed to. I am definately depressed, it’s not just fed up times of the day anymore, it’s more fed up than not.
I am so worried about being this stressed too, as I think stress played a part in my illness starting but I can’t switch off. I really want to be on my own because I am fed up of caring for my OH who is quite frankly a ba****d at times, very hurtful. But feel trapped with more med appointments in the next 2 wks, then our family holiday with all my kids and gran kids which I have been really looking forward to. I just want to live alone, I’m sure it would be easier than trying to judge his moods and tip toe round him only to be spoken to like a piece of dirt.
So that’s me. So sad. Will speak to my Macmillan nurse tomorrow, but tempted to phone her today, feel I need help now.
Irene
Oh Irene
i have just read your post and want to send you a big HUG. i got tears in my eyes. i read your posts now and then and i can see you are a strong woman and you will get through this s**t that this crappy disease puts on us. its true from the moment you are dx you change as a person and put your life into perspective, just want to get rid of the old and start a new. I have been feeling like you lately and i feel time to yourself is a good thing but you can actually go mad with your thoughts. I think we just have to ride the waves through this, its bloody hard i know and you feel so alone although there are loads of peole around you. I think you should talk to your mac nurse, it does help to talk to someone out of the situation. your are entitled to have a rant and a rave. i really wish you all the best with your treatment and this is just a low period that you WILL get through.
love and huge hugs
Nadia xx
Don’t worry about stress bringing your bc back- if that were the case I’d be dead and buried by now! But I do understand how you feel and I’m thinking of you and sending you big hugs hopeing they will keep you strong to ride this storm…and when you get out the other end do remember how much your OH was there for you!
love Josie x
Sympathy Hi Irene
Just read your post this morning. Poor you; I feel so sad for you feeling sad - but really, you’re not alone. Every single one of us has low moments / days, when we just can’t face the world. It’s absolutely OK for you to feel like that.
It’s also really important that you feel you can talk about it. Just by letting others know how you feel you are doing something positive for yourself. So pick up the phone and call your Mac nurse. If the depression feels worse, talk to your GP. Your body chemistry is all screwed up at the moment, which does change the way you work. If you feel you need help coping with it, you have to let them know.
Cancer is a tough thing to get through. It’s so good that you have something to look forward to - at the moment, your holiday with all those lovely family members, who I’m sure will look after you and give you loads of hugs and support. While you’re there, make sure to spend some time planning your next treat - perhaps the family could help by arranging something fun for you to do. On the days when I’m too knackered to do anything, I lie on the sofa and fantasize about what I will do when I feel better; it gives you something to hold on to, and helps to remind you that the happy times will still be there ahead of you.
Just another quick thought - do the dark days fit in with your chemo cycle in any way? If so, it might be worth keeping a note of when you can expect to feel low, so you can plan ahead for them!
Big hug. Hope you’re back on top before too long. Be thinking of you.
Love, Stockbeck.