feeling up and down

feeling up and down

feeling up and down Feeling a bit uppy downy today. It’s very odd, I was dead chirpy half an hour ago now I feel sad.

My hair showed signs of re-growing 2 wks ago but seems to have got stuck at fuzzy, whispy, patchy 3mm in length. I seem to always have ‘other’ stuff happening to and around me. Unemployed and depressed husband, sore big toe (nail looks so dodgy but do I really want to go to the docs again?), Inflamed cyst on my sleeping side so on anti-bios and not sleeping AGAIN.

Overweight from chemo/steroids, pains in soulders, scabby skin graft on my face (rodent ulcer removed 2 wks ago), skint, the list goes on.

And to top it all, someone who I really love as a friend and is a funny person who always makes me laugh, said I looked like uncle fester and I laughed but not inside. I know he was trying to keep things light and normally I can take this sort of thing but my self esteem is rock bottom just now.

I am no longer a sexual person. I have zero sex drive, no interest at all. My OH has even stopped hugging me and I know if only one of these image changing things could go I would feel so much better. I hate the way I look. If I just had hair.

And to top it all off, my friend who has had BC twice has had confirmation today that she must have a mastectomy as it’s back in the same boob and she phoned tonight and I was positive and bouncy for her but now I am like an old balloon with the air let out. I’m in a dark tunnel tonight and feel very lonely.

This just isn’t me, who am I?


For IreneM Hello Irene,

I am so sorry to hear you are having such a troubled time at the moment. Have you thought of phoning the BCC helpline? You can offload your troubles here confidentially and the staff who are either breast care nurses or trained staff with experience of breast care issues may be able to give you some help and advice in how to lift your spirits.

The number to ring is freefone 0808 800 6000 the lines being open Monday to Friday 9am - 5pm and Saturdays 9am - 2pm. I hope this helps.

Kind regards
BCC Host

o Irene I do feel for you I was a bit like that I nearly drove my husband away. we couldnt say 1 nice word to each other and I thought the end was near for us. But since I was at the hospital on Wednesday and had my 6th chemo I feel a lot better now I feel there is light at the end of the tunnel. I wish I lived near you to give you a bit of comfort I read your stories and think god thats us. We only moved back to Scotland in November after living in Birmingham for 25 years and I was diagnosed a week later so it was very hard for me as I was missing my old home so much and having to have a new doctor as well. We have settled now and I feel so much better. I hope your husband gets a job it cant be much fun scrimping and scrapeing when you are so ill. Your stories do give us a lot to think about well me anyway I hope things to get a bit better I will be thinking of you You Take Care Love Linda xx

Oh Irene I feel just the same up then down Feel tired very quickly. Don’t be angry but I got the giggles when you mentioned Uncle Fester. When my hair grows a bit more I think will look like him, lol. There will be days that are difficult. It is understandable have to go now off for third rads love Eileen

Hi Irene,
If it’s any consolation my partner said I looked like Harry Hill… Charming!!

Hello Irene

My friend said I looked ’ like an old man’ from behind !

Sorry to hear you’re feeling low. Hope you soon feel better.

Love Anthi

Hi Irene How does dandelion clock sound.

That’s me

Marilyn x

Thanks to all you who replied to my moaning thread last night. I do find evenings and nights the worse time, time to dwell.

Had my cyst lanced today, painfull but worth it I should be able to lie on that side in a day or two.

OH had a really good interview last wk and guess what? He got confirmation today that he didn’t get the job, so depressing for us both. Trying to keep chirpy so we don’t go down the dark rd we have done recently but just want to cry.

Can’t visit my grandchildren either as planned this wk end as need to get cyst re-dressed sat and sun, hoping they can make it here but as parents are chefs wkends are always manic with parents coming and going and sharing childcare. (they don’t live local)

Still, the sun is shining and I’ve put some fake tan on my legs so I am not blinding people with milk bottle legs.

Tiredness has hit too, due to Rads I suppose.

Roll on 2008!