Feeling upset

Hi all

I am feeling a bit upset today. I was at the doctors yesterday for a sore shoulder which has been on and off 

for a few months. The doc said she suspected polymyalgia and would refer me for an x ray.

When I told my husband he said that was rubbish as he was suspected of it and didn’t have it and that it was a proper illness.

I have been feeling very tired since my diagnosis and 2 surgeries and treatment, so after work I come home and have rest. 

This has clearly upset him very much , he told me that something I didn’t know I had and had been removed cant be affecting me still and that I was just milking it for all it was worth so I didnt have to do anything but sit down all day.

I am feeling very alone, upset and unsupported and I am going for radiotherapy next week, fearing this could make my tiredness worse and not be able to show it.

Mrs Hill


Oh no thats horrible for you!

maybe the Dr could  give you some written information about the diagnosed illness for your husband to read , so he can understand it more…

is he normally so unsupportive?

maybe he is showing his distress in this way as he doesnt know how to help you…

i hope you have other family and close friends who can support you, im sure you are genuinely tired after your treatment and will be more fatigued after radiotherapy.

Sending you a virtual hug x

Hello Mrs.Hill,

Wow, ummmm, thats an extreme and unkind response from someone who doesn’t seem to understand the impact of being in active treatment for Breast Cancer, working and processing a cancer diagnosis ! Is the hurting shoulder on the same side as the surgery/ies ?If it is then a return to the BC Nurse for some specfific exercises could help.

Is this a relationship which has been fine to this point Mrs.Hill, or has there always been a leaning towards a lack of thought and understanding on his side; because a lack of understanding about the impacts on you are one thing and the person can be educated on that - but some of the ‘accusations’ he has made are well out of order and it sounds like you’ve tried to explain but gotten nowhere. What a disappointment and no wonder its making you so low, that the person you would hope would be there for you…isn’t. You certainly won’t be the first person this has happened to , where some selfishness and inability to deal with a partner who has needs comes forward after diagnosis. Maybe I’m being a bit unfair, as certainly don’t know whats going on in his head, but that doesn’t matter really - as you are very upset and he has has caused that with the opposite of ‘support’.

It seems to me like he needs to be reading this leaflet, and more besides…(you can download as a pdf and print)


What other support network do you have ? - is there anybody who DOES understand you and can speak with your husband about his comments ?