Hi Everyone
Don’t quite know where to start, last couple of days I have been bursting into tears at absolutely everything. I have my third FEC on Wednesday and should be feeling positive that I am almost half way through but everything just seems too much at present. I was dry eyed when I started this and now I can’t see the keyboard eyes are too watery.
I decided to keep working as the thought of being at home wasn’t appealing but found out on Friday a promotion promised before my dx might not be all it was said to be. I know I have bigger issues at the moment but it doesn’t seem fair. Tried to talk to my boss about it yesterday but I ended up in tears saying I can’t do this.
Hubbie was really supportive when I was dx in July, he still makes the right noises, he moans when I do too much but doesn’t do anything about taking the load of. We have 2 kids and every morning I get them up dressed breakfasted before I go to work. I’m tired before I even leave the house, but does he think of getting up earlier and doing any of it.
My mothers been great but she’s got her own health issues, she is now moaning to me about hubbie not doing enough and how tired i am looking.
I went to the gp this morning with an infected finger, straight forward you would think. I even burst into tears about this.
At the moment I feel like disappearing under the bed clothes and not coming out.
Thanks for listening to my moan, better dry the keyboard before it soaks in.
Crikey, I’ve had loads and loads of emotional days since I started chemo in May. Didn’t realise quite what a weeping willow I was 'til all this started!!! I had my penultimate chemo yesterday and should’ve been chuffed to bits, yet cried my eyes out yesterday afternoon! Asked OH for a hug then promptly burst into tears, and once I started I couldn’t stop!!
Anyway, this is not about me its about you so apologies for wittering on!! I’m so sorry you’re feeling quite down at the mo, it certainly sounds like you’ve got a lot on your plate. Trying to run a home, sort the kids out and go to work too! I think you deserve a medal. We don’t have children at the mo (fingers crossed for the future though!) and I haven’t been to work since I was diagnosed in March. I honestly don’t know how you do it, and you put me to shame!!!
I really hope you start getting the support around the home from your hubby that you so desperately need right now. To be honest, I really think that sometimes men just don’t realise whats going on right under their nose, and need to be given a good kick up the ar*e!!!
You have a right to moan and feel very sorry for yourself. We all have good and bad days, I found that I was very tearful when my body was tired and subject to infection and yes I have cried when the dr asked how I was. I just think it is a way for the body to tell you that you are not 100%. By the end of 10 months I was beginning to recognise the symptoms and look for something wrong and not except that all my aches and pains were normal.
My husband was the same, they try and sound sympathetic but because you look ok except maybe for a scarf on your head they do not want to know how ill you feel. They never look round to see what can be down and then moan when you ask them to do a job even a simple one like hoovering. When I took to my bed I never even got a cuppa. Gosh I’ve got that off my chest, I must have been harbouring that for a while.
Have some time to yourself and pamper yourself even if it a long soak in the bath.
There will always be someone on line to listen and tell you that your not alone.
Thanks for you kind thoughts. Don’t know what i would do without this website. It’s good to know that others have similiar issues. I am at home today as i had DR appointement. Think i might dissapear to bed for a couple of hours before i have to pick the kids up.
It is completely understandable that you are in floods of tears, not having the energy but being required to find it is so very hard.
Like you I returned to work between chemo sessions. Unlike you my kids are at home but independent. Like you I have everyone telling me I should be resting but they do very little to support, they honestly think making dinner and cups of tea is all there is to housework. They do know how to operate the washer though.
Can I tell you of my experiences and offer advice on how to begin to cope?
I went to work but told by boss I would do what I can when I can, the alternative being I would just sign off. I am lucky I have an understanding boss so if I only do 10 - 3.00 rather than 9 - 5.00 thats fine by them.
Secondly let the housework slip, think about the priorities unfortunately getting the kids off to school is one of them even though its so hard for you, so this is where I agree with Kelly- you have to talk to your husband.
If he can’t get up early perhaps everything can be set up the night before such as lunch packs made and breakfast set up - all by him of course.
Wash the Kids clothes only, he will soon notice if you haven’t managed his washing. All my kids and hubby sort their own clothes out now even if it means the washer is on more than once a day.
Sleep when you can even if it means dinner is late, feed the children snacks if you have to whilst you get through this, they won’t starve, and if they have to stay in front of the telly for longer than usual they won’t come to harm over the next few weeks.
You sound as if you need a really good sleep at the moment. Could your mum stop at your house to help with the kids whilst you sleep at her house one evening. Its surprising how much better things look after a good nights sleep.
It is difficult if your mum is passing her thoughts on to you, its as if there is another pressure but I am sure she is just worried about you.
Thanks for your comments, they are really helpful and are probably telling me what i already knew. I just havent had the courage or the energy to bring the subject up. My hubbie is realy busy at work it’s their year end but thats no excuse really. I know i need to do something as i can’t keep on this way. I’m now going to put my head down for a bit and hope i have enough energy tonight to bring up the topic.
Hi Lesley after reading your note it felt like I had written it myself I have my 3rd CMF on wednesday and the end of chemo is only 5 weeks and 6 days away and im counting I feel as though ive done so well up until now but for some unknown reason like you I cant stop crying the difference between us is that my hubby just doesnt understands what it is im going through and at times can say some very hurtful things and speaks as though im making the whole thing up and just fancied some time off work!
Hubby goes mad if his tea isnt on the table when he finishes work and that the house isnt immaculate at shouts at me what the hell have you been doing all day when infact yes ive been sitting crying my eyes out feeling really rough he was fantastic at the beginning of this nightmare so why has he changed so much ?
I know we will get through this and wish you all the luck in the world
I too have had times when I just feel that I am going to burst into tears at nothing. It’s just the stress of it all. I have also worked all the way through, and have three children. Having always been very independant I found it very difficult to ask for help, and found myself replying ‘fine’ to people asking how I was - when I was screaming inside. However, after the sixth of my eight chemos I hit such a low point that I started telling everyone how I really felt, and started asking for help.
This seemed to work, even my kids started helping out.
I think men just need to have the obvious pointed out to them, and they like being asked for help - it makes them feel good. You just have to be very specific about it - tell your husband that you are very tired, and please will he get up with the kids tomorrow?
Don’t worry about work, as you say, you have bigger issues right now. It’s just a pay cheque at the end of the month.
Heck, how do you cope with those demands!
I guess I am lucky, my husband has never ever had that attitude throughout our 31 years of marriage. He might not be the best at pulling his weight but he has never expected his dinner on the table when getting home from work.
I can’t offer advice there, sorry. However if you just need to let off steam just keep visiting this thread!
My hat comes off to you - managing to work through this, look after the kids house etc. I am now over half way through chemo and am going to try going back to work but only a couple of days a week. I feel lucky in that my daughter is 14 so can sort of look after herself and I am also divorced from her dad so she spends weekends with him at the mo and if I feel really bad I can just send her off. I have an other half but we dont live together - again I am thankful for that cos I can have time on my own if I feel like it.
You are allowed to feel so emotional - we all get like that at one point and another - this is such a roller coaster or a ride. I suspect I will feel much worse when it is all finished as I hold so much in and ‘put on a face’ as I suspect a lot of us do.
I couldnt be without this website - it is a godsend - just being able to get things off your chest and know and see that you are not alone in how you feel.
I hope you are able to talk to your husband tonight and that he listens, understands and helps you more - you deserve it.
please send your hubbie my way so I can give him a right good telling off!!! Shame on him!!! I think men like to bury their heads in the sand sometimes and prefer not to confront what is happening. What we are going through is horrid and they need to understand that. Some days we may look ok, which is largely down to a LOT of make-up in my case, but it doesn’t mean we ‘feel’ ok. What we show on the outside rarely mirrors how we are feeling on the inside. Some days I look fantastic (not meaning to blow my own trumpet at all there by the way!), yet feel like poo!!
Your hubbie needs to share the load with you! You say he was fantastic at the beginning so what a shame he has changed now, just when you prob need his support more than ever! Perhaps compassion fatigue has set in? I have been ever so lucky really as my boyfriend has been awesome throughout, and continues to say and do all the right things at just the right time. I’m so overwhelmed, as although we have a house together we are not married, and he could’ve jumped ship long before now!
Sending you a big cyber hug ((((((((((o))))))))) and your hubbie a big kick up the ar*e!!!
Had a sleep this afternoon and i feel ready to be brave. Don’t get me wrong my hubbie is great and understanding in loads of ways. I am probably a bit to blame as well. I have always been very independant and asking for help doesnt come very easy. So my plan is to be honest and explain exactly how i am feeling and how tired i am. Heres hoping that does the trick.
Thanks to all for your kind words of support. Joanna best of luck hope you get it sorted.
Thought i would let you all know that i had the talk with hubby. We were very honest with each other and acknowledged there is things we both need to do. He needs to do a bit more to help and i need to be honest about how i am feeling and let people help.
This weekend he has taken them to gymnastics, swimming and dancing and i have rested.
Thanks for all the advice ladies, much appreciated.
Today is our wedding anniversary, i have cooked a nice meal for his return from swimming with the kids. It’s good to have cleared the air and i am feeling a lot happier.
Lesley…hope you have a nice week and feel much better. I just have to take care of myself as I have raised my kids already and they are on their own…honestly I don’t know how you gals do it taking care of children and feeling so rough. When I have a bad day, and I seem to have lots, I read on this site about the younger women with families to take care of and think I can do this from the strength all of you show. I hope your dinner was nice and the rest has done you well! Glad you feel happier and long may it last!
You are in my thoughts and prayers Leslie.
Lee,
xx
I am so glad you have managed to have that chat with your hubbie. I’ve no doubt he just didn’t realise how you were feeling, as I think we often tend to just ‘put up and shut up’ at times (well, I do anyway!). At least you both know how each other if feeling now.
Its great that you were able to rest up over the weekned whist hubby took care of the kids. I hope you had a lovely anniversary meal yesterday. I’m so pleased that you are feeling a lot happier, thats great news,