Feelings about returning to work

Hi there, this is my first post so please be gentle.

 

I had chemo, lumpectomy and radiotherapy for primary breast cancer. Treatment finished 2 weeks ago and I was eager to return to work.  After 8 months, the end of treatment left me on a high and I was ready to take on the world. I agreed to work with reduced hours and turned up for work last Monday. I managed a day and a half before I caved in. I hadn’t banked on my body and mind to let me down so quickly. I couldn’t think straight and felt like I had let myself and my colleagues down. I have been wanting to return to ‘normal’ for so long. The shock of not feeling anywhere near ‘normal’ has really knocked my confidence. I don’t recognise who I am anymore. I ache, I’m tired and have cotton wool for a brain. The end of treatment gave me a chance to take control again, but I fear cancer may have stolen something from me. I feel that others expect me to be over it, just as I, myself, wanted to be over it, but I feel like I’ve been chewed up and spat out again and left to get on with it. How can I return to work when I’m feeling like this? Any suggestions lovely people???

Hello Katyrootoo

Welcome to the forums, this must be a very difficult time for you but you have come to the right place for support from our experienced users who I’m sure will be along to support you soon.

In the meantime maybe you would like to talk things through with a member of our helpline staff who are there to offer emotional support as well as practical information. The free phone number is 0808 800 6000 and the lines are open again in the morning and normal hours are Monday to Friday 9.00 to 5.00 and Saturday 10.00 to 2.00.

Best wishes

June, moderator

Hi katyrootoo…can’t help you specifically with the return to work, as I chose (Onc thought I was barmy, but supportive) to work in a school all through treatment (with chemo and nadir days off), WLE, FEC-T and 23 rads. On a personal level I felt I needed this level of ‘normality’, as I didn’t think I would cope well with several months off and a phased return to work. After treatment had finished during the summer holidays, I felt that sense of ‘loss’ almost as no hospital visits planned for months! Also wasn’t sure if when I went back to school in Sept, staff would expect me to have miraculously ‘recovered’…luckily they did not! The article below, a bit long, but brilliant, is well worth a read as it helps to put all our feelings in perspective i.e. it’s OK to feel like this and it will take time for our physical, mental and emotional wellbeing to heal. It does get better, I promise…three years out for me and life is great…does take time though, small steps, sometimes one forward and two back…hope this helps a little…you take care x
cancercounselling.org.uk/Peter%20Harvey%20-%20After%20the%20Treatment%20Finishes%20then%20What.pdf?openElement

Hi Katy. It’s a huge, huge step. Be kind to yourself, take small steps and do just as much as you are able. I felt very similar when I started my phased return and felt panicky and terrified in case the “me” I remembered was gone for good. The relief and confidence that came when “me” returned was amazing. You are still there, but you are exhausted. Give it time and take it easy. It will get better. It’s like training for a marathon, it’s hard work, it can be painful but it’s necessary, it takes time and you absolutely will get there. Healing and patient thoughts heading your way xxx

Thankyou ladies.

 

Peter Harvey’s- After the treatment finishes then what? made an interesting and informative read- thanks Maryland.

Hi
Macmillan do a fabulous booklet about work, your rights etc. I wanted to return to work but was terribly fatigued. Occupational health wrote a detailed plan gradually oncreasig my hours by half a day a month, plan spread over 6 months. I resigned from this position having got to 22.5 hours per week, i felt so stressed and had to look after myself.