Feelings of jealousy/resentment at others with kids

Hello everyone.


I’m 30 and received my diagnosis of DCIS on 26th October. I’m just waiting for surgery and reconstruction now but I go to a fertility clinic tomorrow to take a look at what options are open to me should they decide on further treatment. We currently don’t have any kiddies.

Right up until now, hubby and I knew we’d consider children one day and the ball was always in our court, but now I can’t help but feel that my fertility is being taken away from me and we will never have children. I know this is drastic and not somewhat true but now when I see children within the family and friends, our age, who are popping out babies, I feel this horrible feeling of jealousy searing through me because they have this perfect, happy, little family image while I’m over here in the corner feeling sorry for myself that we might never have one! 
Hubby and I have 2 younger brothers, they both have kiddies, 3 under the age of 3, and one brother due baby number 2 next May. The questions have always been when are we planning on having one and the honest answer has always been, when we feel ready and have travelled enough to settle down and have one!  One set of friends has just had a baby, 2 weeks ago, and they called round to visit unexpectedly.  I was so utterly rude to them telling them I had no time and sent them away, when in actual fact, I couldn’t bear to be around their newborn baby with them exuding happiness. Family know about my diagnosis, but these friends do not.  I don’t want to tell them yet as quite frankly I don’t consider them very close friends to just annouce “oh by the way, I have breast cancer”. 

How do I deal with this!? I don’t want to feel like this and I don’t want this feeling of jealousy and resentment splitting up friendships with me pushing people away when usually I’d be at the centre of social gatherings like this. I want to be able to feel the way I did before - holding their babies and getting the cute, warm and mushy feeling, rather than the heaviness all this brings!!




Ni Nicola

I see you have posted on the younger women area of the Forum and have recieved some responses, which is great.  But, you may find it also beneficial to talk this through with 1 of our specialists on our free Helpline, 0808 800 6000.  Also, the Younger Breast Cancer Network  private facebook group could be a good place for you to find additional support as well.

Best wishes
Digital Community Officer

Hi Nicola,sorry you haven’t received a response from the other forum users to your post.How did you get on at your fertility apppointment?

Hi Nicola, very hard all the waiting and dealing with this alongside all the breast cancer stuff and Christmas as well .Hopefully you will get positive news from your tests and will be able to make some plans as to how to deal with what happens next - I’m guessing you will be given the option whether to take hormone therapy depending on the grade of your DCIS ?