Feelings

Public Archive
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Hi Everyone,
I came accross this site by chance while browsing around looking for information, and scaring myself silly in the process! I am sure I am going to be a regular user of this site now that I have found it. I have been diagnosed with DCIS. I have to have part of my left breast removed on Thursday, and then a course of radiation therapy some time later. I think it is the radiation therapy which worried me most of all!!

I feel as though I am on some sort of treadmill which I have to stay on until the end, when really i want to jump off the side and run away.

I thought you may all like to see a poem I wrote when I first recived the letter telling me that something had been found on the routine mammogram. Little did I know then that 2 months down the line I would be in the thick of things.

I hope you all enjoy the poem, and perhaps can relate to some of it, Maybe we could start a poetry section on here? if it really gets going we may be able to get some kind publisher to produce it for us and sell it to raise money for Cancer research?..anyone any thoughts on this?

Here it is :slight_smile:

Invasion
How did it feel when the letter arrived? felt normal
dashing home, leaving it aside to make coffee
Answering the 'phone, normal things. Glad to be home
Open it while multitasking, then sink to the chair in shock

Read it once and again then put it down and ignore it
Do the crossword, file letter in catacombs of the mind
It will not lie still there, tap tap tapping at my brain
let me out, pick me up, read me, take NOTICE, it screams

I tell myself they are wrong, this cannot be. this is ME
I call the shots. I am in control, of my body and my soul
Tuesday today, and I am summoned for Friday morn
Can’t eat now, smile nor think in my black black hole.

No food now for three days. I can control that at least
Head off all alone on Friday, see the nature of the beast
I see it in black and white. It cannot be denied
This alien growth inside me from which I cannot hide.

On a treadmill now, not in the driver’s seat…resigned
Put a gown on, lie over there. This may hurt. There there there.
Kind smiles and soft voices, but horrid machines
Will know more after biopsy, but seems to be confined.

Waiting, and working and starving and sleeping
Anger, despair, disbelief, but no weeping…never that
Ten days to wait now to find out my fate
Don’t want to be " Paula, Poet…the Late"
Watch this space.

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Vallota

Thank you for sharing your poem, there’s much I can relate to in it. All the best with surgery on Thursday, everyone will be thinking of you and sending you their love and care.

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Vallota, radiotherapy is a dawdle, the appointment is short, you don’t feel anything apart from a tingling. Depending on the number of treatments you have, I had 15, the worst part of all was waiting for the machine. Sometimes you can develop a redness but the staff will give you creams to apply at your first visit. Good luck with your treatments

Marge

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hi Vallota,

Its a lovely poem, I have seen poems shared on this site, I am not sure how many are orginal though.

I think your poem has given me insight to how it feels to get notice of possible BC via letter.

I was lucky, I felt my lump and knew deep down it was BC so when the Consultant told me I was well prepared.

Like Marge I found radiotherapy easy to cope with. I was suprised that I had no pain at all after surgery.
Well good luck and take care