I had my appointment with the oncologist yesterday and it didnt go as well as I had hoped, in that things were said that upset me. I am so fed up with cancer, and the realisation that I will never ever be me again and will always be looking over my shoulder and wondering if its going to return has really got to me.
I am sorry for moaning ladies. I have tried not to moan on here today as dont want to seem like an old misery, but I felt tonight I had to get this off my chest.
Sorry to hear things didn’t go as you would have liked. If you need a good listening ear, don’t forget the helpline staff are here for you, open in the morning at 9am, calls are free 0808 800 6000.
Hi
Wanted to add to the others and say thats what we are here for. Offload, rant,moan- this disease entitles us to all of these things.
But hope you find some peace of mind too…
Take care
Cathie xx
I think having down days is completely normal in our situation & seeing the onc just emphasises everything. I haven’t got that far yet but i’m sure i’ll be the same. You should post on here whenever u need to, that’s what everyone is here for. I do hope u feel a little better about things tomorrow, it really is s**t isn’t it but ur not alone. We’re always here to listen xx
I was told all along I have no vascular invasion, but the oncologist yesterday said they can’t be sure, so now its thrown me into free fall as now I am imagining tiny cells going around my body via my blood vessels. I dont understand why they can say something then someone else say something totally different. Its so scary.
Hi SGL
My oncologist said not to put too much emphasis on the presence of vascular invasion. She said that once a tumour gets to a certain size (mine was 2cm) it’s almost guaranteed to have associated vascular invasion. Don’t panic!
Sarah x
perhaps what he meant was that although they have not found evidance that there is vascular invasion, they cannot be sure that there is some that they did not spot.
Its not as bad as it sounds though. those cancers that managed to grow their own blood supply might not have done it well enough to start throwing cells around. Even if a cell starting swimming around your body, it had to find somewhere appropriate to land. and then it has to manage to get through all the other hurdles before it becomes a proper tumor. In the meantime as horrid as the chemo is, it will be killing the little blighter before he has a chance to get hold.
I am not a medic, but that is my understanding of it.
You say you are not you, but you are. Your character always comes through in your posts. You are just you going through a shit time at the moment.
I hope tomorrow you are you feeling a little better
Oh I know just how scared you feel. I also had vascular invasion mentioned on my path report but neither my breast consultant or oncologist mentioned it, i saw it written on my path report so i would never have known about it. I couldn’t believe no one mentioned it. They did eventually explain it to me but i still think about it every day . My path report said very little about the vascular invasion so i don’t know whether there was a little or a lot, i wish someone else could look at my path report or re-examin my tumor again so i could have more info.
Melxx
Thank you O and L, I think you are probably right what he meant was just because they couldnt see one, doesnt mean there wasnt i guess. I am scared though it gets somewhere and starts before I start chemo and herceptin.
Cheshirecheese (I love your name) my tumours were only mms in size, one of 3mm and 2 of 1mm so thats why I am a bit confused as how they can say one thing and then another. Its so scary isnt it the whole thing. I think its the Hers2 positive thing that is really freaking me out, as I only recently found that out too. So my mind is thinking that due to that the cells are on there way round the body looking for organs to invade.
Beardie, I am seeing a pyschologist on Thursday to try and sort my head out, and I might ask him if he thinks I should ask to see the professor of Oncology I saw a couple of weeks ago, and actually get the right information, as he was lovely and really put me at ease.
Hi SG Lily
So very sorry that you are having such a bad time.
Did you have someone with you when you saw the oncologist? I have found at my appts that my OH and I often come away with totally different impressions of what was said re my diagnosis and prognosis.
Obviously I always hear the negative and focus on that… do you think there is a chance that that could be the case with you?
…and you absolutely will be yourself again in the future!!
Take care of yourself
E x
Hi QUORT, I always take a couple of people with me, and yesterday my friend came with me, but she had her six year old with her and he started to fidget so I asked her to take him out as I couldnt concentrate on what was being said. So I do kinda wish I had had someone else with me now, as I was being told really important things and I couldnt take it all in. I wonder if they would let me see the professor again if I asked, what do you think?
It wouldn’t hurt to ask, would it?
I don’t imagine you could concentrate very well at all under the circumstances
Or speak to your breast care nurse and maybe she could talk things through with you, mine is fantastic at calming me down when I get into a panic about stuff ( although I am extremely lucky in that she is also one of my closest friends!)
lots of love x
I must admit, I dont really have one partcular bcn, I think there are three and its whoever is available at the time. I think the fact that a few times now I have been given conflicting information and I am totally confused. There was not a BCN yesterday.
I only found out I was her2positive through the ladies on here!! I was told I was having herceptin and chemo, but not why. When I posted on here I was told that I was her2positive because of the herceptin. I actually rang one of the bcns up and said am I her2pos and she said yes! I wonder when they would have told me. And now finding out I could have vascular has totally thrown me. I am going to ring the secretary and ask to see him again and that might make me feel more at ease as at the moment I am feeling very frightened.
SGL - have a big <hug> from me, too.<br>
The only time I have ever been frightened and shaking with fear was my first appt with the Oncy and first chemo. The whole chemo thing scared me to death, right up to the second session when I knew then that it was doable and that I could get through it.</hug>
I have a BCN who is attached to the surgeon and who goes to all my MD meetings. I can ring her if I have any questions but have only done so once when I got a letter about them finally finding my primary tumour and it had a typo in it.
At the Oncy appts, it is whichever of the chemo nurses is on the rota to go. But that does mean that I have always seen them before in the chemo room and know them by their first name.
My diagnosis has changed a few times as they get more info from the histopathology; some of the tests take weeks to do. And my regime got changed from 6x 3 weekly to 8x 3-weekly. That really peed me off; it should have been my last one today.
Think of it as they are finding out more about you, and so they are constantly changing their ideas as they seek to cure you of that bliddy cancer. If they were rigid and stuck to their guns, it may seem easier to cope with but it wouldn’t give you such a good prognosis.
Remember, you are STILL the person you were before, and you CAN be the person you have always wanted to be.
you have made me feel better by reading your post.