Hi all, I’m 37 breast cancer in breast and lymph nodes. Had my surgery to remove the lump and all axilary lymph nodes on Wednesday.
I’ve not yet had children and I need to make a decision today on whether to go through IVF and harvest eggs.
My concern is there are loads of meds, risks and needles involved in trying to prep and harvest the eggs. If I go through with it. Given I need hormone therapy for 5 years, at best I can plan to get pregnant at 44… Chances are low. I’m not clear if NHS would cover it.
So I’m not sure if it’s worth even going through the trouble now of freezing the eggs.
Has anyone been in a similar situation? Did you manage to successfully get pregnant via IVF at 44, post chemo and hormone therapy?
Did NHS cover it?
I was already having private IVF when I found my lump at nearly 37. I ended up having one cycle of egg collection on the NHS before chemo. I was only given 2 weeks by my oncologist to get them collected. I had 19 harvested the day before starting chemo. I too had 5 years of tamoxifen to get through. Of my 19 embryos only 3 were usable, not great quality. I was then too scared to try a pregnancy due to the increase of hormones that would follow. It’s so hard making heartbreaking decisions. I really feel for you and just wanted to reach out and send a virtual hug.
I’m so sorry to read your story, oh my goodness you have so much going through your head at the moment.
I’m sure that some of the lovely ladies on the forum can provide some more relatable advice than I can but I’m happy to share my experience.
I’m now 54 and my daughter is nearly 16. I was lucky enough to conceive her naturally but would have loved to have had another child and never “planned” to have had an only child. I was 38 when she was born and even then felt like an “old mum”, however I know of lots of mums who had babies older than I was and also went through treatments to have both their only and subsequent child well into their 40’s. I suspect if I asked any of them “do you regret the treatment to have your child at that age?” absolutely none of them would say “no”. What’s really hard to ask and answer of those who don’t have children is “what would you have done differently?”
Unfortunately, the only person who can answer your question is you: I have a very distinct memory of a night in a lovely hotel at the end of a fabulous holiday (part of which was spent with a couple who didn’t have children) and I remember thinking: “if we don’t have children there are lots of opportunities which we will have without the family of our own (which we had hoped and planned for) but if it’s not meant to be life will be different but there are changes I could make e.g. my career in order to pass on something to the next generation”.
Fate meant I didn’t go down that path, but I still remember that feeling and I’ve never taken being a mum to my wonderful daughter for granted
Sending you so much love with whatever you decide: I’ve always thought that the only “right decision” anyone makes is the one they make for themselves, but there’s nothing “wrong” with asking others to tell you how they view your decision
Thank you ladies. It was a tough decision. But in the end I decided yesterday not to proceed with the IVF.
Like you said there are plenty of ways to have a family. It doesn’t have to be a traditional birth. I can foster, I can adopt. I can just spend time with my friends and siblings kids… I don’t know what kind of person I’ll be after this or in 5 years, so it’s been so tough to make this decision, and felt unfair and impossible.
But having weighed all the pros and cons at the end I feel quite comfortable that this is the right decision for me.
You are so right. I became a Mum, without a pregnancy. Wishing you smooth speedy treatment and you can get back you your new normal really soon. Best wishes.
The meds and hormones can feel daunting, especially when you’re already going through so much, but they usually use a modified protocol that’s safer for people with hormone-positive cancers. Your oncologist and fertility team should guide that closely
