I am 39 in a couple of months and was diagnosed with 15mm stage 2 and had WLE last August. Upon initial diagnosis I was told I would most likely have chemo then radio and when I asked about fertility (it was a main concern for me as we had just made the decision to try for a baby before my dx) I was told that I could see a fertility expert to discuss options. However after my pathology report came back it was decided that I would not have chemo but would have radio, zoladex for 2 years and tamoxifen for 5 years.
This has had a huge effect on my worries about being able to have a child due to my age. It seems as if once the decisions were made regarding my treatment that there was no longer the option to see a fertility expert and I am so confused as to why. I finished radio at christmas and am now 9 months into zoladex and tamoxifen. I have briefly chatted to my nurse about my fears for fertility and the only thing she can suggest is arranging to see a fertility doctor once I come to the end of my zoladex and see if coming off tamoxifen after 2 years although there would be the added risk of re-occurrance by not going the full 5 years.
I just feel devastated by all of this. I think I have coped fairly well with the initial diagnosis but all of this ontop has just left me heartbroken. I almost feel that a ‘no it won’t happen’ would be better than this holding place of uncertainty - at least then I would find it easier to get on with my life I think.
Additionally the zoladex turns me into a crying wreck for about 3 days every month. I have 4 friends who are pregnant (2 due very soon and 2 due later in the year) and although I am over the moon for them and manage to hold it together when I see them I find that I am just so upset afterwards when I am on my own that I don’t know that I can see them as much as I normally would. (the two who are due later in the year are also good friends so the three of us tend to meet up together so there is alot of baby talk at the moment and I just don’t know what to say when I with them apart from try to put on a brave face and share their excitement.) This makes me feel like a horrible person!!! It is the same with my other friends who already have children - I love spending time with them but afterwards I just cry.
Most of all I am just annoyed with myself that I left it so late to have children.
sorry for the sob story - I had my zoladex injection this morning and this is what it does to me - I just hate feeling like this and want to to enjoy my life after treatment - not feel the way I do. I know that I am extremely lucky in so many ways - lucky I didn’t have chemo, lucky to have been diagnosed early, lucky to have a wonderful husband and a job that I love - but still I feel cheated.