So I am starting chemo on 4th Sept after the worst nearly 3 months of my life! I’ve beaten many obstacles in my life but this is something different as I’m sure all you ladies are or have gone through the same feelings and emotions! From a tough cookie I saw myself turning into a tearful bag of nerves but hey, I’m human, let it out! I only tried to stop because the veins under my eyes started to stick out and vain old me I got worried!!!
So now I need to prepare myself!
Lately I’ve been pushing my hair back, in front of the mirror to see what I look like bald, wasn’t good enough so I got a pair of my skin coloured tights and stuck them over my head and took pics to send my friends!(Yes still have tights in the cupboard) It was as fun as can be and I’ve decided I will look ok bald! So maybe to shave is an option as my daughter who has comes to terms with me being bald said at least then I’m in control!
Believe you me my hair is my pride and joy, highlighted, washed and blown or curled frequently and backcombed high to put a couple of inches on me (I’m only petite) so this is a big step…but it will grow back!!! So wigs, hats and a scarf or 2 in my plans! High wigs:D
I have found myself talking to myself a lot lately:0
No, I can’t blame it on Merlot the cat as he may be out! I might start crying and tell myself to pull myself together but say it out loudly, not just in my thoughts! Strange!
Went looking for knickers and came home with the most comfortable old fashioned knickers which come right up to my waist, covering my belly which has started to get bigger! Primark!
Went upstairs to look for something and it was in my hand all the way!
Looked for my shades and they were on top of my head!
Answered the phone but it was the TV remote!
Golly gosh, this is just a few of my mad moments!
Am I on my own???
No you’re not on your own. I have those mad moments too. When I went shopping the other day, I walked into Pound land and totally forgot what I went in for. Stood around for a few minutes pretending to look at stuff and then realised, oh yes, wrapping paper! Soooo embarrassing.
I do have those moments probably more than ever and of course I think I must be losing it. And then I realise its because my head is mostly consumed with BC, that I don’t have much room to think about anything else.
Hair loss is probably the most upsetting thing about chemo. As I’ve said before, I don’t know why…it just is. I went for head scarves which was abit weird to start with, but then I got used to it. My hair grew back after 4 months, so not too bad.
When you start chemo, join the monthly threads so you can chat to others going through the same as yourself.
Thank you Sue C
So I’m not going crazy!!! Yes, you are right, because we are absorbing just about everything about BC in our heads we can’t fit anything else In!!
I will deffo join in the monthly threads, I read them now to see how our ladies are doing but havent anyrhing to comment yet.xxx
Sue C and CK … I’ve been dolally since menopause and the last few weeks it has got way worse. I have full blown conversations with myself. Sue, you are so right about the all consuming nature of BC. I was chatting to a friend today and told her I was so bored of breast cancer!!! It’s on my mind more or less constantly, it’s the main topic of conversation when I chat to friends … boring, boring, boring! I do make a concerted effort to talk about other stuff but it’s always there in the background. I want to think about my next holiday, I want to book it!!! But I can’t cos I don’t know when I will be able to take it … cancer is a massive pain in the arse. Or should I say boob!
Michele xxx
Hi Michelle and Jencat
Yes it totally takes over your life! And I don’t think it will ever stop but maybe less when we have gone through all treatment.xx
Sue C
Can you remember what the wrapping paper was for:D
I will deffo join the monthly rhreads! At the m9ment I just read with nothing to comment as not started yet! X
Jencat
How’s the wig hunting going and is ED home yet?
Mygel2
Just take it with the flo and true friends wont mind but try to enjoy yourself. Sometimes I feel it’s good to talk about it yet sometimes I don’t want to, it’s strange bit I realised I can talk about it more when not feeling weepy…If I feel weepy then I need to shut it off in front of others.xx
Good plans by ED and that will he’ll US a lot and you will feel better too!
I went to Maggie’s Centre this morning and got a free hat!!! But I gave a donation! 6 colours to choose from, ended with navy blue! Stretchy with a flower at the side! Oh Well, will keep my head warm:0