I am struggling with the decisions i am making at the moment. There is so much conflicting info out there. I have changed my diet (pretty much vegan), which has made me feel healthier and my skin look better. Am going to start yoga again and have cut out most creams, make up and toiletries that have chemicals in. And walk regularly.
The problem is even though i’ve done this i still feel like i’m walking on egg shells. How do you get to a balance? How do you move on without cancer taking over everything that you do? How do you trust your body and instincts again, i had no idea i had cancer, none. I’m scared i make the wrong decisions. Has anybody felt like this? And if you have how did you get past it?
I just want to enjoy my life i know now how precious it is.
Jayne - I think everyone feels as you do. Life will never be the same again. Like you, I had no idea I had bc and so just because I feel ok now, doesn’t necessarily mean that I would know if I wasn’t. Bc makes us paranoid.
I am sure you must have read this helpful info about life after cancer, as I keep posting it on various threads, but it does help a bit:-
I am constantly reading of things which may/may not be good/bad for us. The things which were good before bc are not necessarily good after. There is so much conflicting ‘evidence’ and you have to decide which side of the fence you are going to choose and then worry whether it is the right side.
I have not changed things to the same extent as you. I think quality of life is important and I don’t think I could cope with such a strict regime, unless it was my only hope. Thankfully, I had a good prognosis.
I haven’t really found a way to achieve peace of mind, though. I decide on something for a while and then read an article about how it is a bad thing. I have contacted the water authority, the Dairy Council and Defra, to find out about oestrogen in water/dairy products, with encouraging results. I believe that switching to phyto-oestrogens is a bad thing and this was the only dietary advice that I got from my oncologist, apart from eating a varied, healthy diet. To be honest, they really don’t know. It is like statistics; you can prove/disprove anything.
I have come to the conclusion that nearly everything these days is hazardous in one way or another and so I just have to choose a path which I feel is comfortable for me - which is difficult. When I go shopping now, I read the labels and hardly buy anything for myself because of the ingredients. My husband says that worrying about it all is probably doing me more harm and I dare say he is right.
I think the passage of time probably helps. Good luck with whichever path you choose.
Hiya Jayne - reading your post was like reading my thoughts - not helpful to you i don’t suppose but if nothing else you’ll know you’re not alone. I too am struggling with judgement and future direction. 8months in and my life feels dominated by fear.
i think i’ve made some dietary changes but then i read something else and think i’ve made an a**e of it!! Among all the other things BC has done to me it has also made me feel "thick"and “stupid” i don’t really trust myself at the moment in terms of being very capable. I find this hard - its so not how i felt pre-BC and its probably not how others perceive me. It sure has a lot to answer for .
I hold on to the hope that it gets easier -i always want to believe ladies when they come on and post to that effect. Sorry i didn’t help x.
I can only talk from my experience, and feel that the only way i got through this is by letting go of FEAR.I realised that i was talking of fighting cancer, and so was everyone else, then it came to me that i was fighting myself which is not good for healing.cancer was part of my body, my cells that for whatever reason had gone wrong.I have learned to listen to my body and Love it.I think the changes you have made to you’re diet are the first step to showing you’re body love. Love Lesleyxxxx
Lelsey - The problem is that the “fear” is also of things out in the world, which may make a recurrence more likely. These are beyond our control to a certain extent, like food, chemicals, etc. We cannot live in a bubble and unless you are self-sufficient, cannot really control what is in your food and environment, even if you do love your body.
What I am afraid of is cancer-just that.I am afraid of it coming back,I am afraid of it metastasising and I am afraid of myself and my ability to cope if it does.I have changed my diet a bit,lost weight,increased exercise but all the time the fear is there like an unwelcome lodger in my life.Honestly I dont think you can do much to affect the eventual outcome once you have had it.However it is far more likely to be overcome than not and the majority of women who have bc can expect a positive future.
Stay strong
Love Valxx
Hi Jayne, So many thoughts going on in your head, you have changed so many things in your life, but the only one you really want to change is the breast cancer, and sadly you cannot do this, so perhaps the reason you are struggling with decisions is because while you are changing everything in your life, the only thing you really want to change is bc!
so perhaps it is more of acceptance and trying to come to terms with bc and mx! l know l am,
You are struggling at the moment because you have only just had a mx, and like all of us, whenever we have an op, chemo, rads, scans results it brings it all to the front of our mind again!
Give yourself time Jayne, speaking for myself, not sure l will ever get the balance again, l suppose it depends on results as we go down the line! we all try and stay positive while everything is ok, but any hiccup and our world is upside down again.
Your confidence has taken an almighty battering as well as your body, l once read it takes 2 years to get over being diagnosed and having treatment for bc. and l can understand that.
Just live one day at a time, and for the time being try not to look too far ahead, l find that the best way to cope for me! But you are young and want to make plans, so perhaps that is not the best way for you, give yourself another few weeks then look back and think ‘do l feel a little better, that l did a few weeks ago’ hopefully the answer will be yes, and you are getting on a little with your life.
Try not to change your life too much, you still have to live it!
I think we get too hung up on lifestyle changes and the impact they may have. I know very little about what will help reduce the risk of breast cancer, but in my job, I treat people who have aggressive gum disease. Apart from better oral hygiene and stopping smoking, there is very little else we can recommend that will make a significant impact to these people. Statisically, diet does seem to make a difference, but in the individual it will only have a small effect. Yet my poor patients spend hundreds of pounds on supplements and try all sorts of different foods, mouthwashes, toothpastes etc all in search of the Holy Grail. They have been given rotten genes and although I don’t think they should sit back and do nothing because there are things that can help, but they should accept that there is no miracle cure.
I very much agree with Sandra. While I think it’s good to make relative changes (the yoga, healthy diet, awareness) I don’t think enormous sacrifices can give you complete control.
I was already near-vegan for more than 20 years and living a healthy life when diagnosed, never been overweight, (guess I was in the high risk category because I was 32 and hadn’t had any children, drank regularly but not excessively during my 20s). Some of the things that put us at risk, we can’t do anything about - like our genes and I’m sure there are many of us who are predisposed to cancer in ways that can’t be detected yet.
Being out of control is one of the most difficult things to cope with and even with the help of the cleverest most experienced doctors in the world, we can’t be in control in cancer.
I’d say make some changes - feel as though you’re doing something. Since my diagnosis I’ve drunk green tea and eaten a lot of beetroot and turmeric!
If you get past the next couple of years cancer-free, you’ll almost certainly be able to put the cancer behind you, to some extent. It’s all too current right now.
Enjoying life is no.1 priority. Don’t give up eating the things you love entirely if you resent it. xxxx Jane
Hi Jayne, thank you for putting your thoughts down as it is exactly how I feel. I could deal with a year if treatment trauma etc if there was s magic scan at the end which said all clear, now you have same risk as the rest of the population, now get out of the hospital cos you don’t need it and are unlikely to again. Would be great to get that peace of mind back. I have seen a psychiatrist for one session and she said that at first these dark thoughts are frequent and when they hit you they have a huge emotional impact each time. Then over time the thoughts drift over less and less and gradually also have less and less impact emotionally on each occasion. You have to think if them like black clouds coming over you, accept them, then let them float back out of your mind. She said the women who have these reactions are actually dealing with it in their psyche and tend to have better psychological outcomes than the ones who seem to cope fabulously.
My dad died when I was 22. It took three years to adjust and for it not to be the thing I thought of every second. I am hoping bc can be like that for me too.
tors - I was also going to say that I think it is a bit like bereavement. You never ever get over it but the acute pain fades with time. I was told that it takes two years to get over the physical and mental effects of breast cancer, once treatment has finished.
It is so very difficult to accept that we have lost control of our lives in that respect. Trying to change things is a way of feeling that we are taking back that control.
Thank you ladies lots of really good advice. I love the link you put up Ann i have saved that now. I do think i will eventually find the path that’s right for me. I suppose we all have to find our own way, but the more i look the more my head hurts.
You are right Sandra the one thing i can’t change is BC and that is the one thing i would love to change or know that it wouldn’t come back. I know none of us can have that and that we have to live our lives in spite of it.
Hope things get a bit easier for you too Lynn. Try not to think of yourself like that, it’s a bit of a minefield out there and it’s not like we can look at it objectively, we’re too involved. My head could bust somtimes reading everything. It seems like there is hardly anything that is good for you.
Thanks Lesley i do like that, have never spoke of fighting it as it always felt as if i would be fighting myself. And i suppose that is the key to let go of, or go past the fear.
Thanks Val all very true.
I hear what your saying Cathy i have thought that it might not have much of an effect, that’s the doubt. But if i didn’t make the changes and it came back i would never know. I know i will never know anyway.
Sounds a bit confused but think that is just how my head is at the moment.
It does really help to put these things down and get other peoples opinions.
Thanks Vicki i like that visual, it just comes up and hits me sometimes, i have cried buckets then 10mins later feel okay. Today i could have cried in the supermarket for something i had stopped buying with lavender in, it’s ridiculous i thought i would have been bothered about the op last week but i am worried about lavender instead…
I suppose your never really 100% about many things and that as time goes on i might change my mind and adapt things. I think i just wish that it wasn’t going to change my life. And i think it is like a bereavement too Ann.
Hi Jayne
A lot of what I thought has been well said already. I completely agree with the grieving process part of this. I have read somewhere that one of the steps in grieving is bargaining. We think that if we do something we can effect our outcome. I think that is why psychologically we feel better during active treatment. But then after it, it is as if we are passively just waiting for it to come and get us. So we bargain. Yes there are good reasons to be healthy and exercise, but there always were. Now we think if we live by a stricter code and sacrifice some of the things we like we will tip the balance in our favour. I think it is all part of the grieving and healing process and most of us will go through it at some point. Hopefully we will one day reach the acceptance and moving on stage. Where we recognise the pain of what we have lost but allow ourselves to feel real joy. Take care. Debx
Hi Deb i like that and do agree it would be nice to get to that stage. Haven’t heard of that in grieving before but it makes sense. And i do think that is true partly for me, but i know that no matter what i do i won’t get a guarantee and i think that is what i am looking for as i feel frustrated and annoyed when i find something that contradicts what i am doing. And get upset that i might not be doing the right thing.