I was diagnosed on 24th October, had my op 17th November, results on 5 th December, good news! The cancers gone and not spread! I have my scan on Monday 29th January and 23 radiotherapy sessions to follow. I know I’m lucky, lots of ladies on here have been through much much worse, so why am I still feeling scared? I should be glad it’s almost over, but is it? Will this fear ever go away? Sometimes I think it’s all been a bad dream, I haven’t felt ill, life’s carried on much like normal, work, housework, shopping, gym, then whoosh, it hits me, I’ve had cancer, the c word everyone dreads, it was there, inside me, will it come back? When will it come back?
At work, out of 14 ladies in my team, I’m the 3rd one to get breast cancer, the other two ladies have been a great support to me, and say “look at me, I survived!”, but one of my best friends didn’t, she died at the age of 49 and it’s her that keeps occupying my thoughts when I’m down. I’m really sorry if I’m wittering on, it just seems to help a little when I write things down.
my family have been great, but I think now they know I’m “better”, they think everything s going back to normal again, but I don’t know what normal is anymore
Hi Jules, I have a very similar timescale to yours - diagnosed in October and surgery x 3 followed by clear margins in December - best Christmas present ever! Currently going through radiotherapy, Like you I have found the whole experience at times surreal. I had no symptoms other than a lump and was generally fit and well. I still can’t easily tell people I am being treated for BC and find it really odd to be walking through the entrance for cancer patients each day to attend radiotherapy as I don’t see myself as a cancer patient - but I am! I am trying to take it all one step at a time and have booked myself on to a Moving Forward course in April and looking into a Mindfulness course as well - maybe something on offer in your area? I am starting to make some changes to my diet and once the rads are over will look at doing some excercise. The only way I can deal with it all is to try and take back some control and take it one day at a time and try not to dwell on the “what ifs” because that is a path I don’t really want to go down. I can completely understand your anxiety especially having lost a friend so young but as you know every BC is different, with different treatments and prognosis. When I started my rads, I was offered a lot of help including the courses and counselling and again that might be worth exploring? But the main thing is not to be too hard on ourselves for feeling as we do - after all our boobs have just tried to kill us - pretty freaky but not inevitabe!
I found this article posted elsewhere on the forum really useful and may be worth a read and also let your family read it - I intend to give a copy to mine!
Hi Ladies
Like everything, time can be a great healer. I am a year on post treatment and i can honestly say that I think about it less and less. It is no longer my first thought of the day! Many will say don’t worry and live for the day, but only you can make that decision and that takes time.
You will get there ladies…give yourself time to finish the treatment and recover, and be kind to yourselves.
Best wishes
Sue xx