Finding my tribe – 30’s, single, no children,

Connect to people like me Younger women
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Hi – I am posting here as it’s an avenue I’ve not explored yet and I’m wondering if anyone else can relate.

Just to give you a little intro first. I was diagnosed with aggressive DCIS breast cancer at the age of 36 in November 2024, since then I’ve had 7 rounds of chemo (EC & Docetaxl), Lumpectomy, Radiotherapy, and am now 9 down in a set of a further 14 rounds of Kadcyla. Not to mention regular Zoledex injections, Zoledronic Acid infusions and the daily dose of Letrozole.

Around the time of my Breast Cancer diagnosis in Nov 2024, and for the months following during aggressive treatment I was terrified of support groups and forums, even this website as I found myself listening to stories and taking in information only to spiral out of control and send myself to a very dark place.

As time has moved on, since around the Autumn of last year I have felt more able to tune in to people’s stories and (with caution) I have been to a few support groups in my local area and some online too. I’ve met some truly lovely people and honestly can always seem to find mutual ground with anyone that has been dealt the cancer cards.

The thing is, I have not yet met anyone who has life circumstances similar to mine, and also navigating everything that a cancer diagnosis brings. For example:

Being a young person – I’ve found that being a young person with cancer is a minority group in the first instance. I only have to look around me at the groups or chemo room to see that I am 9 times out of 10 the youngest there. I have met 1 or 2 people my age but never anyone who is single and hasn’t had children.

Being a single woman – now I know I am in a minority group with this one (with or without cancer diagnosis). Being the only person I know that is single when every friend/family member is in a relationship is tough in normal circumstances – throw in a cancer diagnosis and it’s a whole new ballgame. I no idea where to even start.

No children – due to aforementioned single status/never finding the right person pre diagnosis I have not had children. Truth be told I always used to say I wasn’t too fussed about it – if it happened, great! Kind of person. Post treatment I’m now having thoughts of ‘what if’ and has ‘one of the best things that can happen to you’ (as certain people like to say) been taken away from me. Unfortunately I didn’t have fertility preservation before starting treatment. **
**

I guess in all my ramblings I am just wondering if anyone out there has had these experiences and feels these things too. It would be good to chat if so, even if just to know I’m not the only one.

:blush:

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Hello @sunshinesearcher …

I am here - me too, on all the above!

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Hi @sbee

Thanks for messaging, just to know there is someone out there feeling the same makes me feel less alone.

I live in a rural part of the country and not really near any big cities so I wondered if thats why I’ve not crossed paths with anyone like me. Have you managed to connect with anyone you can relate to through all of this?

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Hi @sunshinesearcher , I was 40 when diagnosed so not far off your age. I was in a relationship at the time though living on my own and didn’t have kids. I felt the same as you in all other respects and even though my treatment finished nearly 5 years ago. I’m still hoping to find my tribe…

Breast Cancer Now hold a day or residential weekend across the country specifically for younger women so you might want to try that? The sample of people there may be broader across the younger age group.

edited to say: I’m also on zoladex and Exemestane, sometimes I want to remind my non-cancer friends that treatment isn’t over for me, but most of the time I hold my tongue as I don’t want to make the conversation sound like it’s all about me…

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:waving_hand:t3: Also all of the above. I have amazing support from friends and family, but even so have felt a new loneliness in this cancer journey that I’ve never experienced before. I’m finding the chemo hard and am in one way thankful that I don’t have anyone to look after while I’m unwell, but also feel like a bit of purpose to each day would do me good (I’ve also had to stop work)- trying to get out and walk or meeting someone but some days is a struggle to get up!

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Dear @sunshinesearcher , I am sorry to hear about your diagnosis and journey through treatment. Breast Cancer Now has a service called Someone Like Me’ which could be helpful in finding you someone to talk to who can relate to your situation. Just call 0800 138 6551 mon -Thurs 9-5. Friday 9-4

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Hi @pollyann

Thanks for messaging, I have been told about those events so maybe need to give them a try. I think there is one in Cambridge coming up which would be closest to me.
I feel quite doubtful of the groups as I’ve tried quite a few now and just come away each time feeling unrelated to.
I probs need to just push past the doubt though and just keep trying - sure as heck know I’m not meeting anyone by sitting on my sofa!

Have you tried any of the events yourself?

Completely relate to holding back talking about treatment etc to non cancer friends. Its such a strange parallel world where you only really understand through lived experience. Thats why I really feel i’m lacking in talking to people that “get it”.
Plus I cant help but think support groups miss the mark for building a community as your support system.
Im more of a practical person so struggle a bit with sitting in a circle and talking to a room of strangers.
I’ve started doing the 5k your way walking group once a month near me and think that format of doing an activity of some sort is much better for building friendships.

Have you find anything worth trying for meeting new people?

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Hey @purplek
You’re so right, loneliness is really difficult. Im not sure about yourself but pre diagnosis I was pretty independent, so never worried about being a single girl, had hobbies etc to keep me busy. Feel like cancer has stripped those things from me and im left with a huge void to fill.

Having some sort of purpose to your day is important, even if you do have to also manage being kind to yourself and not doing too much.

Are you in early stages with treatment or have you been on it a while?

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Thank you, ive not heard about that service but I will enquire. Do you know if it matches you to people in your area or could it be anywhere?

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Hi @sunshinesearcher,

Someone Like Me is a telephone service. They will match you to a volunteer anywhere in the UK.

Breast Cancer Now also has a support service called Younger Women Together which you may wish to explore. This service includes face to face.

Another resource to tap into is cancercaremap.org which is directory of support services and groups and will list everything near you if you input your postcode.

Wishing you well Love Tulip x

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Hey there,

I too can relate to much of your experience. I was diagnosed with invasive ductal carcinoma in the fall of 2025 at the age of 35.

My wife and I had discussed kids heavily prior to treatment, but it all felt too much as treatment began to do any proactive fertility plans, and we both felt comfortable with shifting to not having kids in the plan.

I had a lumpectomy and then radiation and am actively on hormone blocker meds for the next 4 years. Not something I was expecting but I have found a few other young cancer survivors and it definitely helps.

Glad you reached out !

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Hi @sunshinesearcher , I have tried a couple of the events, haven’t completely clicked with anyone yet but that’s not because everyone’s life situation was dissimilar from mine - in fact there were several other single ladies without children. For me it’s more because I’m not very confident at making new friends in general!

I think like anything it’s a case of numbers - the more people you meet the more you increase your chances of finding those who you click with. So I do keep trying from time to time!

I do think you’re right and having a meet-up that has some activity involved is more helpful - I had a nice time pre-Christmas at a ‘mince pie/carol singing evening’ run by a local charity!

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Hello hello, I’m young too 38. I too felt very lonely in this journey (although I have a partner,so at least I was lucky there). I met some people with similar cancers to me, but they are all so much older than me. Every time I go to some local cancer exercise group or a workshop hoping to meet someone like me, I just end up disappointed, so I gave up. The older ladies are lovely, but I don’t think they can understand me, also the older generations technique of ‘brush it under the rug’ or ‘make some sarcastic jokes and pretend it doesnt exist’ doesn’t quite work for me lol. I never managed to find a cancer ‘friend’ that I wanted who would be in a similar situation to me.

I was exactly the same about children as you, never really wanted them, but now this thought keeps coming in of whether I just lost an opportunity to experience some unexplainable fulfillment in life.

Generally I think cancer as a young person is so much harder, because first you need more meds (like zoladex to keep you in menopause), 2 you haven’t had a chance to fully experience life yet, and 3 you’re in the middle of building your life and now all these limitations suddenly come in and you can no longer be care free as is your right to be… But just keep reminding yourself that you are strong and you are your own rock in the first place!! You got this! And you will find a way around it! Be water as Bruce Lee would say.

I hope you’ll find a group of young people somewhere near you. I’m in Surrey unfortunately, so probs too far for us to meet, but I’ll be thinking of you!

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Gosh. This. Every word. . I felt I was finally becoming ‘me’ heading towards 40 & life was suddenly settling. Then bam. IBC at 38.

I had a smx and also cannot find a bra that is even remotely attractive. I resent paying more for ugly bras and then torment myself for not spending the same on lingerie when i had 2 beautiful boobs (not that i thought this at the time)

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Hi, I was 35 when I got diagnosed with TNBC so I can definitely relate to the young part. I always loved meeting younger people on the chemo ward. Also I have no children but hoping that will change soon.

I have documented my journey on instagram my page is called @triple_negatitty

My inbox is always open, happy to chat.

Jade

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Hi, I was also diagnosed with TNBC last year when I was 35…Now I am about to start my last cycle of Capecitabine and hopefully will be free of treatment after that :blush:

I was kind of single during the treatment, even worse, my bf left me during the treatment, so I was also dealing with the breakup at the same time. No kids either, and my family lives in another country, and they couldn’t come.

So all and all you can say I was alone during all this time but I met some amazing women who also went through cancer, my colleagues were very supportive and my friends were there. Tbh sometimes I felt even better being alone, so noone could see my horrible look and me nagging about things. Some days I was just in bed all day or binge-watching TV because I couldn’t get up. I quite enjoyed being alone then as well.

Anyway, there are pluses and minuses in all situations, I hope you manage to find some joy in yours :blush:

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