Finding Things A Strain...............

Hi all.

I’ve felt a bit strained recently on account of having my sister over from abroad on a visit, she arrived in the middle of me being in hospital with my blistered hand and was supposed to stay with us, but as OH wasn’t organised due to fitting work around hospital visits he asked if she would mind staying with her best friend for a few days. She said OK but wasn’t really pleased about it, so I told her to come to us if I got let out of hospital; she came the following day.

Thing is, she was in no hurry to visit me in hospital and she went off to have a 5 day break with friends in another part of the country 2 days after I got out. I asked her if she was coming back again this year as I hadn’t seen her since last year and she said no as all her holiday was booked up. She didn’t really bother asking about my health much, but she kept remarking on how I had put weight on and looked puffy (I was on a very high dose of steroids for a 10 days with my hand) - she is one of those people who is always on a diet and thinks she looks great but she is far too thin for her height. She also made a big thing about saying that my brother had told her I had been really ill for over 3 months, she made out it was like he was having a go at her and I had to point out he had been really worried about me, also concerned for OH as he looked so tired when I was ill on Taxotere.

When she went off again, she just said “well I hope everything is OK”, and that was it she just rushed out to her friend’s car to get to the airport. It was as if nothing has been going on over the past 9 months and I am really hurt by her behaviour. We’ve always been there to offer her support with all her problems and it’s like she couldn’t care less about us. She made some very cheeky comments towards my OH as well (he told her if he wanted her opinion he would ask for it!) and she said to him that she didn’t know what he was worried about as I was off the chemo and “only” on Herceptin now.

She rang me to let me know she had got back OK and I tried to keep her talking but she kept saying she had to go. I’m left wondering whther she is in denial or just being selfish as she doesn’t like her life at the moment (she’e in Saudi and hates it). This has depressed me all week, I’ve kept positive through all of this and I feel she has dragged me down. I went back to bed yesterday as I felt so blue and didn’t feel like getting out of my pyjamas.

Hi cherub

Families can be a big pain. as they say you can choose your friends and not your family.

you may be right, your sister could be in denial and not able to face the reality of illness, or she could be a self centred wotsit. If I were you I would put her to one side for the moment and focus on the people who do support you and get well. Once you are on the mend then perhaps deal with her and her behaviour.

I hope your hand is healing, also did you get your diabetes sorted? You treatment seems to have really thrown some rubbish at you.

Look after yourself - it sounds like you have a lovely OH.

Cyber hugs Swanie

Hi Cherub,

Sorry to hear about the problems you are having with your sister. Although we all love our families we all know how irritating they can be at times.

The most important thing just now is for you to think about yourself and getting through your treatment. Your OH sounds as if he is fit for her.

She possibly is in some denial about your BC, maybe it brings it just too close for comfort if she thinks about it. It sounds as if she wants to keep the reality of it at a distance. Perhaps your brother could have a word with her and let her know that her treatment of you is hurtful, but if not sometimes the best thing to do is just let go and get on with thinking about yourself and OH.(who sounds really caring)

Please do not let it depress you, it is not worth it. You need all your physical and emotional strength for yourself.

Please take care and I hope you feel better soon.

hi Cherub I feel I had to write you a post as I went through a situation a month ago I have only got 1 sister and no brothers. My sister lives in South Africa she has been there for 26 years she has 2 girls one got married 2 years ago. I went over for a month for the wedding it was the first time I had seen my sister in 24 years she wasent very nice to me at all she has a lovely figure but is a bit wrinkly with all the sun she has had whereas I have got a lovely skin I am not being big headed but all her friends were saying how young I looked its only because I hate the sun as I am so fair I burn easy so I dont sit in the sun.Anyway we didnt talk a lot she is a very selfish person who only cares for herself.She has got a very succesful buiness over there. Anyway we got a phone call about 2 months ago saying her daughter and her husband was coming for 3 weeks I was quite pleased but I knew I couldnt do the things I would have liked to with them as I had a macectomy in January and am still on chemo. I get my last chemo next Wednesday thank god So when they arrived we drove through to Glasgow airport to pick them up as soon as we got home here they started planning what we would do everyday My husband had 2 weeks off work for them I told them there would be some places I wouldnt be able to go through tiredness but they didnt seem to care. I was left everyday to cook big breakfasts then out for the day then come home and cook dinner at night I was absolutely shattered every night So after a week I wasent able to go with them as I had a chemo the 2nd week they were here.We have a train station just 5 minutes up the road it takes you straight to Edinburgh or Glasgow we even got them a time table Well to cut a long story short a few days before they were due to fly back to South Africa my sister phoned to see if we had taken them to London I told her no as I wasent well enough totravel due to having chemo the week before (she called me a selfish B------D I couldnt believe what I was hearing we did our best for them Also it cost us a lot of money as they didnt even offer to buy us a meal or pay any petrol for our days out. So when it was time for them to go back home we drove them to Glasgow Airport seen them off and have not heard a word since not even a thank you or an email It has hurt me so much but I suppose thats family for you. I have lost a lot of weight due to all the worry over this. My husband is now saying they wont be back in this house again he says they dont care about me so I should just get on with my life and forget all about them. So I hope this makes you realize you are not alone. I know I will get over this it will take time but I have got enough on my plate at the moment with this illness anyway you take care I will be thinking of you Lots Of Love Linda xxxxxx