I was dx in July 2011, stage 2 - had right mx mid August and was told no spread and 0 lymph nodes affected. Was due to go back to work and started taking Tamoxifen but then had a test done (Oncotype DX) which came back as high risk of recurrence and so the treatment plan changed and I had to start chemo. Started chemo in Nov 2011 - 4 EC, 1 Taxotere and 3 Abraxane (should have been 4 Taxotere but had an allergic reaction). The chemo has been tough, bad nausea with EC and numb fingers, aches and pains with Abraxane and fatigue with them both but had my last treatment a week ago. As such I should be feeling positive now. Everyone, including the Oncology nurses, asked if I was going to celebrate and about things going back to normal. I don’t feel there’s anything to celebrate and I really don’t know what normal is anymore. I have been so down and crying at the drop of a hat since the treatment finished. It’s nothing to do with not having the support of the hospital anymore but I just feel so down and can’t sleep even though I am shattered. Has anyone else experienced anything like this as I think I’m going round the bend ?
Hi Jayleigh,
I really understand what you are saying - I did feel real relief once all my treatments were finished (WLE, MX, chemo,rads) but then I think it was only then that the impact on my life really hit me - I felt really traumatised and in the end went for a few counselling sessions I had to pay for myself; after that I felt I had steadied the ship a bit, but this is big life changing stuff and we shouldn’t be surprised when our minds take a while to adjust perhaps?? Thats where I’ve got to anyway, but it wasn’t clear to me at the time as I was so tired!!
best wishes nicola
Thank you so much for your reply and I have been thinking about counselling. I have always thought of myself as being quite a strong person and not someone who needed counselling but after the past 8 months I’m not so sure. How did you go about arranging the counselling - was it via your GP ?
Hi there - I actually went on a website called something like the british association of counselling - their people are all properly trained and acredited and have supervision. There were lots of people on it from my area so I jsut read their details and one said about working with people with illnesses so I had an introductory appointment with her and we got on ;so I just went from there with hre. It probably cost me about 400 quid in all but I really found it very helpful…
but you can also ask your GP but you may well have to wait for a slot through that system…
I also think of myself as strong but you know what, I found it a relief to say I couldn’t get over this one on my own,
all the best Nicola
Hi
I arranged some counselling after my treatment finished because during the time I was going through it we had a lot of other family problems and I felt I had not had time to come to terms with what was happening to me because I was being strong for everyone else.
I contacted my BCN and there were counsellors at the oncology unit so I did not have to pay so maybe you could try that.
I felt that when treatment was finished there was no plan in place any more whereas before you go from one appointment to another and one treatment to another and you seem to have a purpose. I only had 2 sessions of counselling and maybe they helped a bit but most of all I think I helped myself out of it by talking to friends and family about how I felt and arranging lots of things to do in the future (ie concerts, meals out, trips away) so I have things to look forward to.
Good luck anyway. It will get better I’m sure.
Debs
x
You may find the BCC ‘Moving forward’ information and services helpful as they recognise the difficulties people feel after treatments have ended, you can read it via this link:
Our helpliners are also here to offer you continuing support on 0808 800 6000, the lines are open 9-5 weekdays and 9-2 Sat and you are very welcome to call for a listening ear
Hi Jayleigh,
At the beginning of it all we think we will feel excited and celebratory when we finish but many of us feel flat and “what happens next?” when it actually arrives. There have been other posts similar to you, so you are not weird to feel like this. Quite apart from anything else we are exhausted by the chemo process and no longer have the adrenaline of “Will I be OK for the next one?” to help us through. It will get better!
Lavender
xx
I read your initial posting and really identified with what you were saying.
I had never had counselling before despite going through some family difficulties and other upsets. However, I did access counselling shortly after my cancer treatment and would definitely recommend it. My GP was able to arrange this pretty quickly and I did go to about 3 sessions at the GP surgery before accessing a private counsellor (because appointment times at GP surgery weren’t very convenient once I’d gone back to work).
Can I just say Thank You for the link to what is a really ‘on the money’ insight into the emotions people may have once the treatment has finished. I read the first 2 pages and was crying my eyes out as what he was saying was so true. It’s just a pity he has now retired.