I started with 3 doses of FEC followed by 3xTaxotere. After the first dose I had terrible joint pains also made worse because I have mild Lupus. I was on Morphine for a few days and my 2nd dose was delayed due to blood count. After 2nd dose I felt awful with pain all over, tired, diarrohea, terrible pain in finger nails. I was admitted to hospital for a few days where I was told that my white cell count was very low and my blood pressure very low also amongst other things and I was given a blood transfusion. Finished chemo 30th Nov started rads 3 days ago. also on Tamoxifen. Friends and family keep telling me that the worst is behind me but I feel exhausted, still hurt all over, can’t walk far even though prior to diagnosis walked miles.
I keep feeling tearful then I feel angry because I’ve lost a breast. These feelings don’t last for long but feel quite depressing when I do. After my mastectomy I was fine, all through my chemo I was fine mentally with everything, so why now do I feel like this?
You feel like you do because your body has been taking a really battering after so much treatment, so go easy on yourself. The fatigue will remain for some time but I am sure you will be able to build up your walking distances come the Spring and better weather. I was able to build up my stamina between treatments.
I had 6x Fec 18 months ago along with surgery and rads. I had further surgery a year ago and last September more surgery followed by Taxotere, I am about to take my third session. I can honestly say that the Tax has knocked me for six, far worse than all that has gone before. It has drained me of all energy and at one point the will to go on. But through all this the good days, like today, I am able to walk nearly 8 miles. My target is 12 but that will have to wait.
I truly hope that you are able to shake of the depression, Taxotere is known to bring this on. To use that over used expression ‘There is light at the end of the tunnel’ even though it seems as if it is just another train load of trouble heading your way!
Hi Diddly…if it’s any help I suffered the same after the chemo (I had 4xFEC and 4xTax), which I finished on 1st November…so a month prior to you. When I had the last one I was jubilant and expected to be back to normal in a week or so. No chance! Like you I ached everywhere, particularly my leg muscles, which meant I could barely walk anywhere, and my finger and toenails were painful (and still look terrible).
Over the weeks the aches have improved and I can walk a little further. I am glad in a way that I didn’t start rads until 8 weeks after chemo finished because no way would I have been able to make the rail journey into London so soon after completing Taxotere the way you have, and the rads make you feel tired too I believe.
I hope that you will soon find that the after effects of the chemo start to diminish, and that little by little you will regain your strength and fitness.
I feel angry too, at the loss of my breast, and what seems such a barbaric treatment all round. Breast gone, hair gone, eyebrows and eyelashes gone, and then the pills to stop the oestrogen! It sometimes feels that every bit of my femininity has been taken away.
It takes a lot of coming to terms with, I know, just as everybody on here knows! But I am now “making friends” with my scar and hopefully, beginning to accept what has happened to me.
Go easy on yourself, you’ve been through an awful lot, it’s only natural to sometimes feel the way you do, but it will get better.
Theres only so much any one person can take…and we all get to a point where we say ooooof enough. Its a hammering and a half we take because of these poxy cells who couldnt keep their party to themselves. What with surgery, chemo, rads, pills and everything else. I finished all my treatment barring the pills in september…had to have a hysterectomy in october, so didnt get a chance really to recover fully lol. Its now january, I still get tired, but not as much, still cant walk for miles and miles and miles…just havent got the uuuuumph anymore…but im working on it.
As the others have said…take it easy on yourself, itll all happen, just takes a bit longer for us to bounce back…but we bounce really well and come back with a vengence…just takes a while to get that far
Hey Diddly, it may be the Tamoxifen (or the menopausal symptoms it causes) is what’s making you tearful. I had a similar experience after about a week on the drug - I went from being positive and upbeat (despite the usual trials and tribulations of chemo followed by a mastectomy) to crying every night and feeling miserable during the day. I hated the way I looked and the fact I needed props to make myself appear normal.
I stopped Tamoxifen and, after a week or so, was back to my usual happy self. Now, I’ve started again, because I can’t afford to go without the protection it provides. I’m hoping that now that I know what it does to me, I’ll be better prepared and armed to deal with it.
So, don’t beat yourself up for feeling low. As the others have said, you can only take so much before something gives. Hang in there, be good to yourself, and know that it *will* get better.
I could have written your post to be honest. I had the same chemo treatment, mastectomy, lymph node removal, am on rads now (first one today!) and Tamoxifen
My optimism goes from time to time and I find myself very tearful. When people think you should be “getting over it”, it seems the mental anguish begins. One of my friends described me as being almost on autopilot through my chemo, the death of my dad, the loss of my job and breast, altogether a very bad 2007 for me. But now it’s hit me how much I’ve suffered (and I do not like feeling sorry for myself at all!), but it soon passes.
I think the Tamoxifen and it’s side effects don’t help, don’t know about you but I’m drained from constant night sweats and nausea!
It’s tough times for all of us and as Yvonne says, it will get better I’m sure.
I was completely conked out by Taxotere and ended up in hospital for a week last June. I was in an isolation room with no immune system and also a huge burn on the back of my left hand due to my last Taxotere treatment leaking. However, it wasn’t certain this had caused the burn as it took over a week to emerge. Whilst I was in the hospital I had to have loads of tests done, fluid from the burn taken to see if it was an infection and I had to have it photographed. It wasn’t the hospital where I was being treated and as I was not their patient the consultants were totally indifferent to me. I was so exhausted afterwards I thought I would never pick up again.
However, I’ve felt really well since late October and have a really nice short hairstyle now, much the same as it was before it fell out but now silver. I’ve also managed to get myself a new job and start tomorrow. October 5th last year was one year since my diagnosis and although I know that I will never be able to get away from living with this, me and my OH decided to draw a bit of a line in the sand and get on with the future. I still have 4 Herceptins to go, which will take me up to April and I always find April such a lovely month, so a nice time to finish treatment and have a bit of a breather from it all.
What a lovely post - thanks for sharing. You are exactly where I want to be in a few months time. Wish you all the best for the new job and the longer term future.
I was diagnosed 16 May,had chemo, mastectomy & lymph nodes removed in Nov, been put on Tamoxifen & start rads on 14 Jan. Feling really apprehensve about rads tho keep telling myself it’ll be the easiest bit of all. I think I feel the lowest I have since my diagnosis which seems a bit daft, Diddly I feel exactly the same as you. Reading the posts here has reminded me that i have been through a lot, i think sometimes when you are in the middle of it all you can get almost blase about it all. Good luck with everything Cherub x
Mand
I had my first rads today,first of 25 and do get upset when people say "you are over the worst " etc. They think because you’ve had your op and then your chemo that you are okay. I had 3 FEC and 3 Taxotere which I found hard. Still left with aching legs and awful nails. Can’t walk far as I have no energy at all. Going upstairs is hard work.
I know it will be with me for the rest of my life but also know that I have to get on with things. I am upset that my hair seems to be coming back white and silver, eyebrows and lashes taking their time coming back and my nails are an absolute mess. It’s all the things other people can see. My hair was brown before this with a bit of grey at the sides. I was looking forward to seeing it come back better and thicker than before.
Just had my second rads and was in and out of the hospital within 10 minutes. I know the skin gets sore after a while but at the moment I don’t feel anything and it’s so quick that it barely interrupts my day (not that I’ve got anything better to do!!)
Keep your chins up, we have all been through the mill and it’s bound to get to us at times, but it’ll all get better. And thanks too, Cherub for such a positive post to make us all feel more optimistic.