I cant believe I’m feeling this way I finished 4 x AC, lumpectomy and full node clearance, 4 x taxotere and 15 rads. I finished this around 2 months ago and thought I would be feeling on top of the world, but I don’t I keep feeling that I am going to die from a secondary else where in my body and I am just waiting for the diagnosis. Does anyone else feel like this or am I just being silly?
Dear Lisada
I am 3 years down the line, WLE, rads, tamoxifen/zoladex for 2 years, oophorectomy and now arimidex. While all this was going on I felt quite protected and in control knowing I had the backup of regular hospital appts and checks. Now that I just take one little pill a day and annual checkups I feel exactly like you. Every ache or pain is the start of it all over again, and yes I feel worse now mentally than I did when I was diagnosed. I would imagine in a weird sort of way it is a “secondary” reaction to getting through all the treatment which will improve with time. Like you too I felt pretty good during the treatment although now I do have problems with the miseries, I wrote all this down on my post “Arimidex or Menopause”. Talk to us all here, I have found so much support and have been given lots of hugs which really do help, knowing you are not alone, not odd and that everyone here also understands all our hopes and fears.
It does get better I promise you :-).
Love Jan
hi there
apprently were normal!! Im the same, i got my all clear in april, im still having Herceptin every three weeks but i spent last week in tears convincing myself that i had found a lump but it ended up just being some lumpy tissue. Im so convinced that its going to come back and just keep thinking it will happen which is pathetic but it really is tough afterwards, friends and family think your out partying every night and living life to the full when the reality is that your in the bathroom with your hand in the air checking armpits and breasts for new lumps. Since the onc checked me over on friday i didnt go checking again and im due for a yearly scan which is next week and now im trying not to put any negatives thoughts in my head but there’s always what if, so now im pooing myself for the scan (and hopefully results) next week. I suppose as Jan said its just a matter of time and the more it goes by than the more i suppose we will start feeling a bit more positive about the future.
take care
Tracey
Hi everyone
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Best wishes
Sam
Moderator
Breast Cancer Care
Dear Lisada
You’re not on your own here! I finished chemo (4AC) at the end of last year, and radiotherapy in March so like you am down the road a few months from it all.
I have regular moments of panic when I am terrified that I’ve found a new lump. Granted, everything IS a bit lumpy, but I’m never sure what is just scar tissue after the WLE, what is just reaction to the radiotherapy (which I read can continue long after treatment has finished), what is mucked about lymphatic system etc…
I am always prodding and poking myself, racking my brains to try and remember if that particular sore bit, or lumpy bit was there yesterday. And I sit and wriggle and squirm about, trying to work out if I have any aches and pains in the rest of my body that might be IT back (but as I am a gardener, I have probably been hanging from a tree the day before).
A breast care nurse said a while ago to me, ‘It’s a question of being breast aware, not breast paranoid.’ Fair enough, but easier said than done when you got the first diagnosis out of the blue when you were feeling perfectly fine! So please know that you have plenty of company out here……
Got to go now, sharp pain in L/H side of abdomen that I have to investigate……
Best wishes, Susan
Susan that made me laugh, we should be in some kind of nut house!
Hi girls
Its so nice to read these messages and have a giggle. I quite agree with you Floozie to get a dx of breast cancer when you are feeling very well certainly makes it hard to accept. After all the treatments (I am just on one arimidex pill a day now) every ache and pain gives rise to a certain amount of panic, where before you just ignored those things. I am assured it does get better given time. I do find that getting engrossed in a hobby works wonders. I have been making greeting cards for a couple of years now, have found that my best style is decoupage and am now busy making Christmas cards to sell in November for Breast Cancer Care. The only trouble is I got so engrossed the other night forgot to put the oven on for hubby’s dinner, he was not amused!!
Love Jan
Putting the oven on for hubby’s dinner??? Your newest hobby should be to teach him to cook …
I went shopping yesterday and by the time I came home, the laundry was washed, ironed and put away, roast was in the oven, veggies were prepped and waiting to be steamed and a decent looking fruitcake (no, not me!) was cooling on a rack. He’d done the hoovering last Friday evening …
Now, I could let you have him, temporarily for a fee!!!
Dahlia - you are lucky!!! I have had 2 husbands and neither have ever made me as much as a cup of coffee!
Hey how much an hour is he Dahlia??? As long as its just housework and meals he needs thats fine, shall we bid for him? maybe you could hire him out on ebay hehehehe!!!
Hubby just come in asking what time dinner is, I think its a hint to get off here.
Jannie it would be lovely if you could sell your cards on here they sound great. Decoupage is very fiddly well done mastering it i never could. My friend makes fabulous cards she goes to evening classes. I got all the ‘stuff’ but only made 2. I should start it up again.
Was only saying to someone today i feel i now live with a ticking clock inside me, hopefully the alarm wont go off and things go wrong for any of us.
Off to make the tea!!!
Rx
Hi, goodness I would end up ringing the fire brigade and the ambulance service if I let my hubby loose in the kitchen!!! He is excellent at burning baked beans and the saucepan to go with it!!! On the other hand, he has banned me completely from doing the DIY (which he is excellent at by the way). Last time I painted the skirting boards I was sitting on a green cushion bum shuffling my way round and when I finished I had dragged the cushion along the skirtings too, hence a new painting idea as green fluff was stuck all over the skirtings right the way around and an awful lot of extra rubbing down and repainting was needed. At least it makes you forget all the other worries. Didn’t help that I had had couple of glasses of wine to make it less boring - that will teach me next time.
Love to you all
Jannie
Yes, I am very fortunate.
A colleague (with 4 boys all under the age of 10, at the time) once said to me “men are like children and pets - they have to be trained!”.
We’re both pretty self sufficient and I think it has a lot to do with age i.e. an older generation, and having had fathers who served in the Army.
I’m off to listen to Just A Minute - lovely BBC radio comedy and VERY silly!
D