I have just received an appointment for my first annual mammogram since my diagnosis and lumpectomy in February last year. I suffer with depression/anxiety anyway but how I feel atm is off the Richter scale. I thought I was doing so well and now I feel completely overwhelmed. I feel like I’ve been hit by a train am totally convinced the cancer has returned and it’s the worst case scenario….
It’s my every waking thought. I’m forever checking for lumps and am constantly down the Google black hole looking for symptoms
I talk to my husband about it and he does his very best try to understand unfortunately there is nothing he can do or say to change how I feel.
I don’t discuss it with my daughters either as my eldest (44) was diagnosed with BC herself two months before me and has since undergone chemo and radiotherapy. Also, other than my husband I never revealed my diagnosis to any family and friends until after surgery. I felt that we as a family had enough trauma to deal with. I also felt and still do, an awful lot of guilt as I didn’t have to go through chemo and rad……
I’m sorry for the lengthy message but just wanted to tell someone that may understand….
Love and hugs to you all
Hi, I understand how you are feeling and I sure many others will too. I was petrified at my first post surgery mammogram and the 2 weeks for results was a long 2 weeks. I am now approaching my 2nd follow up and starting to get the jitters again.
You can talk to your team for support. I wonder if the moving forward sessions would be good for you.
Hope you feel better soon x
Hi
Thank you so very much for your reply.
I’m sorry you’re feeling jittery too! Isn’t it just dreadful???
I will definitely look into the going forward sessions…and there was me not so long ago thinking I was doing so well.
Hope you feel better soon. 
Take care x
I’m so sorry to hear how you’re feeling @mary561 and very glad you’ve reached out here.
It is no wonder that your depression and anxiety feel off the scale. You’ve had so much to deal with in your family, as well as your own health. There’s no set timeline for your feelings, and sometimes people do feel the impact a little later. It’s no less valid and the forum is always here for you.
Have you spoken to one of our specialist breast care nurses before? They are here to answer clinical questions, or just chat things through. They can be reached on our free helpline on 0808 800 6000 which is open Monday to Friday 9am-4pm and 9am-1pm Saturday.
As @poorlyboob mentioned, you can find out more about our Moving Forward courses here: Online | Breast Cancer Now
We’re thinking of you,
Lucy
I wish I could say it gets easier but for me it hasn’t. I had my sixth annual mammogram a couple of weeks ago and got a technical
Recall which is tomorrow. Have spoken to chief radiographer who assures me it’s purely because an image was not sharp enough I am dreading having to go again. It’s just something that we have to deal with I’m afraid and if like me you are by nature anxious it’s very difficult
Hoping for the best possible outcome for you today……
It’s pretty rubbish being one of nature’s worriers, I empathise with you whole heartedly.
Take care
@mary561 you are not alone, the annual mammogram screening following a cancer diagnosis is always an anxious time, I still feel anxious and have had four annual mammograms since I was diagnosed in November 2020. The Moving Forwards and talking to others who understand may help a bit. Take care of yourself and have a little treat lined up for getting through it.
It went OK they were very apologetic. I saw the images etc . I have a lot of scar tissue and Lymphodoema so it’s always painful . Just glad it’s over . I wasn’t aware this could happen so useful to know even if it was horrible to go through .
I am so relieved to hear that I’m not the only one. I also deal with depression and my head meds don’t seem to be helping my growing anxiety. I have my first post surgery/radiation mammogram in a few weeks. It’s been almost 6 months since my surgery and I’m so nervous. My scar looks okay but I still have occasional nerve pains and swelling. Every time I get an odd pain anywhere, a little voice creeps into my mind wondering if the cancer is back.
This is a whole new way of living and it just plain sucks. I know it will get better as I get farther away from the initial trauma of being diagnosed with breast cancer. I also had a mother and a sister with breast cancer so I knew my odds were against me. Neither my mother nor my sister died from breast cancer and mine was caught earlier than theirs was so I should be feeling pretty good about my own survival. But it’s the cloud always over my head. So grateful for this group. I never feel alone when I’m here. I’ll be thinking of you and praying for your completely normal mammogram. 
Yep it sucks . Needed beta blockers ibuprofen and a vape to cope . Mind how you go it’s just how it is x
You’re certainly not alone @homebabe.
I’m sorry to hear that your medication isn’t helping your anxiety at the moment. Have you spoken to one of our specialist breast care nurses before? If you ever feel you want to chat things through, they’re very knowledgeable and kind. You can get in touch with them here on the forum on the Ask our Nurses your questions board or on our helpline 0808 800 6000 which is open Monday to Friday 9am-4pm and 9am-1pm Saturday.
You may already be very familiar with these techniques, but we have some resources on our website about dealing with anxiety that you may find helpful: Stress and anxiety after a breast cancer diagnosis | Breast Cancer Now.
The forum is always here for you.
Sending our warmest,
Lucy
I had my 2nd annual mammogram last month and it is always a very anxious time, the first probably being the worst but happily both have been clear and I really hope yours is too.
I completely understand your feelings of guilt about your daughter. My daughter and I were diagnosed on the same day just over two years ago and she unfortunately went on to have chemo and radiotherapy as well as two operations, whereas my journey was the more straightforward lumpectomy and radiotherapy . I’ve felt the feeling of not having suffered enough and not genuinely being a cancer patient and avoided talking to her about my treatment.
My head knew that I was not being logical but it was very hard to move on from those feelings. Now that we have both finished treatment, apart from drugs and injections, those guilt feelings are starting to fade.
Don’t be hard on yourself, you have the right to feel sad and anxious about what you have been through too and I’m sure your daughter wouldn’t want you to feel guilt.
I hope you both continue to recover and get good results after the mammogram.
I’ve just received my appointment for my second mammogram two years after being diagnosed. I feel sick and have to wait till the 25th March. X