Hi fellow BC friends. I have my first mammogram on my remaining breast on 18 March and check with surgeon. He wants to see me every 6 months. I am really freaking out. Thinking my remaining breast will be riddled. No lumps or abnormalities that I can see or feel but I am convinced that because I had 2 surgeries (failed lumpectomy and mastectomy) and radiation that it will come back in a different form and kill me this time. I am in therapy and really working hard to try and stabilise but I seem to have lost all reason and all that remains is fear… 
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Hi @phoenix5,
So sorry that you haven’t had a reply yet during this difficult time. I think you may find it helpful to talk this through with one of our specialists on the free Helpline, 0808 800 6000. Sometimes it can just be helpful to talk things through.
Thinking of you,
Chloe
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dear Phoenix. Congratulations. If you have lost all reason, the only way is up. Welcome to the world of mad orange USA presidents, Poisonous leaders in the wastes of Siberia, and everyone else dithering away. I think anxiety is a sensible reaction to putting your body in the hands of complete strangers. Years ago, breast cancer diagnosis was made after making patients sign to say they agreed to have mastectomies. My friend who had lovely huge breasts refused to sign and spent years worried she had breast cancer. She did not die and is now in her 80’s, with both breasts still intact.
Doctors seemed to think in those days (1970s) that we women would not willingly have treatment unless bullied into it, most surgeons were men and a simple mastectomy is pretty simple surgery. it was only when women started to form groups to campaign for a more liberated approach that things started to change.
My first breat cancer diagnosis was in 2003 and things are far better now than it was then. The diagnostic tests are less painful although still somewhat embarassing, even though core biopsy takes a bigger sample than fine needle aspiration, it hurts a lot less. I also found it more reliable as I was misdiagnosed first time round, had three surgeries and had six months of wondering what it was. So now I am prepared for anything! Well that’s the theory. I have been reconstructed using my tum (lured by the promise of a flat one! Tum that is. It loks nothing like the other one, but neither did the original.
So what I have concluded is - it is pancake day today and I am going to enjoy the day. We don’t have any white flour hence no pancakes for us. But things could be worse…
Seagulls
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Hi
Sorry to hear you’re struggling, I have done so as well and really had to work on my mental health. I still have moments but counselling and time have helped plus the moving forward course was very useful, it might be something to look into.
If it helps I had to see my surgeon every 6 months for a bit so that could be standard, I also got called back from my 1st mammogram but thankfully all ok, going for my 2nd was terrifying but all ok 
I’m fairly sure they’ll always be terrifying but we’re not alone x
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Thank you Tori
Hi lovelies,
I’ve had BC twice. First time was 18 yrs ago, had L mx then annual mammograms for 10 years then went back on the 3 yr cycle.
The 2nd one of these last year caught a new primary so I had lumpectomy in remaining boob then an emergency surgery due to haematoma exactly a year ago today. No-one but me remembers it was a year ago plus I have my 1st follow up mammo next Weds and should have results a week later.
I’m normally the strong one, the warrior, the survivor…. You know all the platitudes…I’m also a team leader at work leading my amazing team through some difficult times and today I’m really struggling with it all.
I’m so worried this mammo isn’t going to be clear. There’s no logical reason that it shouldn’t be… I had clear nodes and margins, had radio and am on lovely Letrozole…but I think the shock of having a new primary after 18 years has landed with me. If it’s happened once it can happen again, right?
I know I just have to get through it and am doing all the sensible things to get me there; keeping busy, yoga etc but I’m wondering if anyone is also in a similar situation and prepared to hand hold?
Thanks for listening xx
Have a virtual hug.
Does it help to know that was me at every routine mammogram pre BC. Weeks of worry and finding lumps every time. Each time was clear.
My fibroadenoma, cyst and teeny weeny tumour were all found by being breast aware not screening. The tumour wasn’t palpable but found because I was getting some hormonal lumpiness checked out.
Logic says all the other mammograms were clear so the odds are in your favour. Even if it does see something it’s much better to deal with it early.
You don’t have to be strong. Rant to a friend, take someone with you and plan something nice for afterwards and the waiting days until you get the results.
And if you get as squashed as I do take some arnica with you. I swear that if men had boobs there would be something far more comfortable!
Thank you xx
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