Hi fellow BC friends. I have my first mammogram on my remaining breast on 18 March and check with surgeon. He wants to see me every 6 months. I am really freaking out. Thinking my remaining breast will be riddled. No lumps or abnormalities that I can see or feel but I am convinced that because I had 2 surgeries (failed lumpectomy and mastectomy) and radiation that it will come back in a different form and kill me this time. I am in therapy and really working hard to try and stabilise but I seem to have lost all reason and all that remains is fear… 
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Hi @phoenix5,
So sorry that you haven’t had a reply yet during this difficult time. I think you may find it helpful to talk this through with one of our specialists on the free Helpline, 0808 800 6000. Sometimes it can just be helpful to talk things through.
Thinking of you,
Chloe
dear Phoenix. Congratulations. If you have lost all reason, the only way is up. Welcome to the world of mad orange USA presidents, Poisonous leaders in the wastes of Siberia, and everyone else dithering away. I think anxiety is a sensible reaction to putting your body in the hands of complete strangers. Years ago, breast cancer diagnosis was made after making patients sign to say they agreed to have mastectomies. My friend who had lovely huge breasts refused to sign and spent years worried she had breast cancer. She did not die and is now in her 80’s, with both breasts still intact.
Doctors seemed to think in those days (1970s) that we women would not willingly have treatment unless bullied into it, most surgeons were men and a simple mastectomy is pretty simple surgery. it was only when women started to form groups to campaign for a more liberated approach that things started to change.
My first breat cancer diagnosis was in 2003 and things are far better now than it was then. The diagnostic tests are less painful although still somewhat embarassing, even though core biopsy takes a bigger sample than fine needle aspiration, it hurts a lot less. I also found it more reliable as I was misdiagnosed first time round, had three surgeries and had six months of wondering what it was. So now I am prepared for anything! Well that’s the theory. I have been reconstructed using my tum (lured by the promise of a flat one! Tum that is. It loks nothing like the other one, but neither did the original.
So what I have concluded is - it is pancake day today and I am going to enjoy the day. We don’t have any white flour hence no pancakes for us. But things could be worse…
Seagulls
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Hi
Sorry to hear you’re struggling, I have done so as well and really had to work on my mental health. I still have moments but counselling and time have helped plus the moving forward course was very useful, it might be something to look into.
If it helps I had to see my surgeon every 6 months for a bit so that could be standard, I also got called back from my 1st mammogram but thankfully all ok, going for my 2nd was terrifying but all ok 
I’m fairly sure they’ll always be terrifying but we’re not alone x
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Thank you Tori