Hi I was dx with bc on 12/12/2008 the worse day of my life… I am 38 and have 4 beautiful children who are 6, 4, 3 and 1 and I feel likemy world is collapsing. I had a wle and lymph node removal op on 23rd Dec and I can cope with the scarring and pain etc as I am nearly healed but its what comes next that Im having trouble accepting.
Ive been told that Im going to have to start chemo in 2 weeks time followed by radiotherapy and then 5 years of tamoxifen, the onco told me that the combo of drugs I will be given will almost certainly mean I will lose my hair and I was shocked at the list of side effects and how bad they can be.
I just basically came on here for support as I feel my family see it as a sign of weakness or me giving up when I get upset so I find I have no one to talk to about exactly how scared I am, I was wondering if anyone can help or advise me as to how to cope over the coming year with all this going on and a young family to run after.
Hi balooby
Welcome to the Breast Cancer Care forums. I am sorry to read of your recent diagnosis, you may find BCC’s resource pack helpful, it has been designed for those newly diagnosed. If you would like a copy just follow the link below to order a copy:
In addition to the valuable support you will receive here, if you feel it would help to talk to someone in confidence about your upcoming treatment or any other concerns you may have, then please give the helpline a call, the staff here are all either breast care nurses or people who have personal experience of breast care issues. They can offer you a listening ear, support and information about other services we can offer you to help you through this difficult time. The number to call is 0808 800 6000 the lines open Monday to Friday 9am - 5pm and Saturdays 9am - 2pm.
The following link will also take you to some of our publications about breast cancer and younger women which you may find useful to read, you can order them online or via the helpline on the number above:
I’m sure lots of people with young children will post on here to offer you support - my son is 27 so that’s not much help. I am amazed at how young some women are when they get BC and many of them have very young children. Just posting to offer some support while you wait for other replies.
Tried to post you earlier and the page froze grrrrrr!
Hi Babyloo
Your 10 years younger than me but your diagnosis and treatment sound the same, …I’m a year down the line from you. Just wanted to say you will meet lots of lovely young ladies on here (and older ones) to offer support and share anxieties.
Chemo isn’t easy for all of us but some people do go through it with very few side effects and even continue to work! I always had a couple of days each cycle where I didnt feel too good. You will get through it. 20 weeks sounds so much at the start but when you get to the end you will feel elated. Dont be worried about getting upset you have every right to be…my son is 19 and I really feel for you younger ladies with little ones. As I said you will get loads and loads of support and the helpline here is brilliant.
I finished my chemo last May and am now sporting a Ruby Wax type hairdo…much thicker than before and curly! Just got back from 2 weeks in Caribbean and back to work next week. I know its not much consolation to you now but you will get through these coming weeks…dont be afraid to ask your friends and family for help if you do get bad days.
I wish you all the best with your treatment
Judy x
You are not alone, and pelase use these forums whenever you need to- I found them really useful, and still do. I have a 4 year old, 2 when I was first daignosed. Please don’t feel you are being weak needing someone to talk to-is there any body in your family you can be honest with, or you should have a breast care nurse who can give you support. As for the chemo, if people ask if they can help, accept it-I found the best help was tackling all the house hold stuff so I had the energy to spend time with my little boy. Children adapt very quickly, and I found as long as his routine wasn’t messaed up too much, he was fine.
Best wishes,
Nicky
You arent alone - I was diagnosed at 35 last year and the chemo terrified me but discovered breaking it down into chunks made it a bit easier to teal with. I have no kids but found it more doable than I thought, yes, loosing the hair is hard but Im a year since diagnosed and Im wigless with a very very shrot crop already. The list of effects terrified me but they are very clear in saying that’s all the side effects listed, you may only get some or even none of them - although it wasnt pleasant it wasnt the nightmare I had it in my head, albeit glad to finish it! Rads a lot lot easier (well for me anyhow). Im so sorry you are in this siutation but Im sure you will cope well with all your treatment.
x
You are not alone - i was dx last year before my 31st birthday. After operation i now just finished 6 courses of FEC kimo - do you know what chemo you are on? Some will not affect your hair as much as FEC. I lost my hair almost complately but i got some quite nice wigs and my friends said they look nice on me. It is not easy to cope about the side efffect but we will battling through!! There is a nice post on chemo section about the tips to go throuogh kimo which is very helpful.
Make sure you wel prepared for the side effects and arrange people for some practical help. With the help and supports from my family. friends and ladies here it gets much easier.
Thanks everyone who has replied I am going to have the FEC chemo and I asked about the cold cap but my onco said it would just prolong the hair loss not prevent it so Im thinking the quicker it comes out the quicker it will start growing back…bit optimistic I think but there you go.
Its nice to hear that Im not alone and that the chemo isnt always as bad as you think, I do have people to talk to in my family but as they are upset by the whole situation I dont want them to think that crying is a sign of weakness. My other half is really supportive but I think even looking after the house for the past 4 weeks since my op has knackered him!
Anyway thanks so much for your kind words, its made me feel better.
I think it is much easier to talk to people outside your family about how you really feel as most people don’t want to worry their nearest and dearest and a lot of people say be positive which is all very well, but it isn’t easy to be up all the time
I am 38 with a 6 and 1yr old and was DG 31st Oct2008. Had WLE for 3.1cm lump with thankfully no lymph involvement. I have to have E-CMF for 8 cycles, 5 wks radio then 1 year Herceptin. Had 1st Epi on New years Eve and my 2nd yesturday. I too was horrified at all the side effects to expect and just didn’t know how i would cope wth a family and gonig to work! Thankfully and wth the help of 3 different anti-sickness meds i have suffered minimal of the side effects and have been able to continue wth day to day school/nursery runs and part time work. I had my wig sorted out and cut the same as my hairstyle as i personally did not want people to know what i was going through (eg. the playground mums!) not that i am ashamed just didn’t want to discuss wth people who i don’t really know. I have choose not to tell my 6yr son as i feel that he would only worry, we never talk about the ‘C’ word in front of him and all our family and friends no not to call untill after 7pm when he is in bedif they want to see how im doing. So far i’ve been lucky enough for this awfull disease not to have too much impact on our lives and just hope and pray that this will continue
hi everyone, my first time on here , oh god the joys of womanhood! I was at breastcare clinic yesterday to investigate a lump, Was trying to be positve as had a lump abut 17yrs ago and was told I just had lumpy boobs,was hoping for the same response,but alas,after,mammogram,ultrasound needle biopsy and tissue biopsy was told that it looked very suspicious the needle biopsy was inconclusive and have to go to see the main man tomorrow for “the news” . Am trying so hard to be positive and upfront about it all, my daughters are 12 and 10 and my hubs is a rock but I’m afraid at the mo I’m peeing my pants! Well not literally,I’m sure you will be glad to know,don’t want to add incontinence to my troubles too! Fear of the unknown is a terrible thing and just hope to find some people to chat to on here to help each other and share experiences, good luck to you all out there. Please come and say hello.
I’m a new one too. I found out 26 th November but have not plucked up the courage to sign up until today.Im 43 live in Chelmsford and have a little boy aged 8. I had my lump removed early December( lobular grade 2 but not spread) and had my first chemo on the 16th January…so have just started to feel a bit more human. I’m on Myocet/Cyclophosphamide…then taxotere, it seems if lots of you are on FEC so i’m not sure why mine is different? Is anyone on the same as me?
I have always worked in London but 2 weeks before finding out about c was made redundant.I’m now in a tricky situation as I will need to try and work during chemo if I’m to get by…Everyone says don’t worry about work put your health first which is fine but come May will have NOTHING in the bank!
It feels weird being at home …I have to stop myself from cleaning all the time…what a saddo eh.
I’m glad Ive found this site and look forward to chatting to you all
Hi Lally, just thought I would tell you there are quite a few of us Chelmsford girls on here. We can usually be found on the Essex thread. Sorry to hear about your dx, I too have Grade 2 Lobular, I have just finished my chemo last friday. A group of us local girls meet up regularly for lunch and there’s lots of support. You would always be welcome to join us. Hope all goes well with the chemo
T xx
Hi eveyone
I dont know about you ladies but i cope with each day as it comes. If you have a bad day then go with it., you know im pretty new to this site but i get alot of info and reassurence by reading other posts it lets you see your not on your own. Chemo wasnt to bad for me, i think losing my eyelashes was harder to deal with than losing my hair and taking steroids for the 3 days after each chemo i would be tired through the day then wide awake 3 in the morning.I try and stay positive i try not to think to much as you can quite easily get lost in the what ifs. The foto of me is fairly recent my hair started growing back about 8 months ago.
Keep strong
love leslee x
Thanks for all the posts I have just come back on the computer after my first lot of chemo last fri, the effects werent too bad I was very very tired for 2 days and have had a constant sore throat and runny nose and I took the decision on Monday following the chemo to shave my hair off which was the most traumatic thing I think I have ever done up until 3 weeks ago I had hair down to my wait now I am sitting here with a very cold shaved “number 3” head …this is a mare!
I live in Ilford and I have been told that there is a support group in the area but Im finding it hard to pluck up the courage to go and talk about things as they are still pretty raw with me.
Its nice to read all the supportive posts the women on here write it means that I dont feel like Im alone in this cruel world eh???
I’ve just been here a week and it’s a great comfort so yup it’s a cruel world but you most certainly are not alone ,we are with each other every step of the way,good days bad days,your original post is the one that prompted me to put fingers to keyboard so I thank you for that.I’ve got it all ahead of me and impatiently just want to get on with it. Ooh I feel another list making session coming on…"things to do ". Take care.Big hugs.