I’ve gone from being wonderfully happy to have my family around me and be so loved… to dreading that this is my last Xmas and feeling that I won’t be around to celebrate Xmas 2008…
It gets better - doesn’t it?
J xx
Hi poannie,
I think after all the festivities and fun it is just that coming down to earth bit, personally i am going into 2008 headlong and have very positive feelings for the year ahead and plan to have many more fun xmases ahead too.
I am on 4th chemo of 6 and am feeling better than i did on DX.
Hugs
Val
x
Dear J - This is an emotional roller coaster isn’t it. Like you, and hundreds of other ladies, this is my first Christmas with breast cancer, and I am sure it is an emotional time for everyone - Christmas is like that even without this additional complication. I don’t know what your own diagnosis is, so can only share my own thoughts (had surgery, started Chemo, DXT and hormones to come). The greatest likelyhood BY FAR is that we will be here celebrating Christmas with our familes and friends not only next year, but for many years to come. So many totally uncertain things happen in life, and there seem to be so many tragedies about that happen so suddenly and cannot in anyway be predicted. What WE know for sure is we are here now, we are alive now, we are loved now and that the future and outlook for us is brighter and more positive than ever before. I am going to try to enjoy every single day- they are all precious and all a blessing. It’s not all going to be rosy, but it could be far far worse! Thinking of you and sending you love and hoping that it will ge better for you. Love Sarah xx
Dear Poannie
Please feel free to call the helpline for a chat to one of our team who can offer you further support and ‘listening ear’, it may help to talk your worries through with someone in confidence. The line is open today 9am-5pm on 0808 800 6000.
Best wishes
Lucy
Poannie,know exactly what you mean feel the same, very difficult one minute having lovely time next minute full of fear for the future Will it always belike this? I think so for me anyway love Eileen
Me too Poannie, you’re not on your own. On Christmas day I forgot all about it for a few moments but then all of a sudden it hits you again and you remember what’s happening. I’d love to just wake up one morning without that sinking feeling in my stomach.
Just had my mastectomy the week before Christmas too so that made it all a bit worse for me but then I just keep thinking, it’s another step forward.
Remember it’s baby steps you need to take each day, it will get better for us all I’m sure.
Try and keep smiling 
Tish xx
I spent my first christmas after diagnosis in the hospital that had performed my partial mastectomy the week before. I was readmitted on christmas eve. All the breast cancer nurses knocked off at 3 pm in the afternoon that day, mine was off on leave anyway and had told me she would be when I raised the issue of whether it was a good idea to have an operation only a week before christmas. So I was on my own.Dad came in about 11 am on christmas day complaining about paying over £50 for a taxi so I was glad to see the back of them when they went.
Yes, I haven’t celebrated christmas with my family since. And what a blessing and a joy that has been, not to mention saving me a fortune on presents for other people. This year I bought myself a filofax, a 32" colour LCD TV, and a top of the range vacuum cleaner (not sure why I decided on that one!)
Mole
Hi Poannie,
I’ve read several of your posts and youve been thorough a heck of a lot this year - how can one not feel emotional at Christmas. None of us know what the future holds and it is damn scarey at times . I know its a cliche but you sound like a fighter - go get those new boobs and i really hope things improve next year.
cheers
caroline
Please try not to get too despondent.
I was diagnosed out of the blue in October 2006 after cancer was found lurking behind a benign fibroid I was having removed as a day patient. I had already been told I had nothing to worry about as all my tests had come back clear. The surgeon had to hit me with it when I returned the following week to have the dressings removed, it was almost one year to the anniversary of my dad’s death. I had another op 3 weeks later to have my lymph nodes removed, cancer was found in 1, then I found out I was Her2+ as well. By Christmas I had done 3 lots of chemo and was completely bald, but I was coping OK and managed to have a reasonable but very quiet Christmas and New Year. Finished chemo in June and ended up in hospital after a very difficult time on Taxotere.
I was asked by my clinic to volunteer for a stress management programme over 6 sessions. I said OK, but had already decided if it was going to one of those groups where women sat weeping and saying how they found their lumps I was not going back after the first one. However, we were told by the psychologist that was not the purpose of the group and if anyone wanted that type of discussion to do it away from the group. We were taught all sorts of things like how to use yoga and meditation, breathing techniques etc.
I cannot stress how beneficial it was for all of us involved. One lady managed to get the courage to return to her job, another found it helped her cope with the stress of her SiL having a stroke. In my own case I found confidence that had left me years ago and I now have a new job to starting the second week in January after 3 years of struggling to establish myself in another town. I feel my future is a bright one, it proves you can triumph over adversity and I am very happy at the moment.
Hang in there in any way you can.
last christmas i was just post op and chemo, so was not really looking forward to the celabrations, now im still here this year and i was determined to enjoy the holiday spent with my daughter and her boys, i was able to actually enjoy the meal, something that i couldnt have faced last year and although i was tired out when i returned home i was so glad to be around to watch the boys opening there gifts, i took photos this year and compared to last they are so much happier as we were all very down and trying to put on a happy smile, i look at the two years since diognosis as a bonus im still around and so far , n. e. d. im determined to enjoy everyday im given, sometimes its hard to be positive, but what else do we have to do but to be so? i wish all gong through the journey good wishes for another year, im determined to live everyday fully. love lynn xx