Fifth anniversary of my mastectomy and LD recon today - yes, it was Sept 11th all those years ago. Not to put too fine a point on it, it’s been five years of hell and only recently do I feel as if it’s beginning to get better. Not that I’m not grateful and all that…but apart from anything else if I’d known then what I know now I would never have tried to go back to work. I was so badly bullied that I developed a really severe depression and felt suicidal for months…because I work in the NHS and the people doing the bullying were NHS staff I completely lost faith in all nurses and doctors, I’d lost my job and was out of work for a year and just wondered why I had gone through all that surgery and pain to be unemployed and left feeling completely worthless. Eventually I got a work placement with a nice team and it helped to restore my faith in human nature…all my friends and my partner helped to hold me together when I’d pretty well given up. The antidepressants helped too…but it really is appalling the way some people choose to kick you when you’re down. However when I was off I started doing some voluntary work, on the basis that no matter how bad a mess I was in there were people who were in an even worse mess…
I’m still finding it hard to put that experience behind me and move on. But maybe passing the five-year mark will be some kind of milestone…I’m trying now to think about all the people who were kind and supportive and caring and put those b****** colleagues out of my mind. I have a lovely home and a loving partner and lots to be grateful for…
hi catkin
I’ve recently done my five years. Like you I made some mistakes, like going back to work too quickly. Just before all clear I hit a major wall of depression as I wasn’t where I’d expected to be. Although alive I wouldn’t say I’m completly well, tamoxifen takes it’s toll and lymphadema. However I found the Haven and they have guided me through.
I know just what you mean about appearing ungrateful. I found and lost a great friend through BC. Now I feel its time to start a new phase of my life. I’m still me, its just adifferent me.
Regards
Chinook