My mum has a terminal diagnosis, which we have known about for the last 2 years. Treatment has bought her time, but I still feel that I lost the person who was my mum right back then, as she has been poorly and not up to doing what she used to do for quite sometime.
It sounds selfish, and hard hearted when she is still alive and battling, and I do respect what she has done and love her for not giving up, but I miss the person who was my mum!
Does anyone else have this experience?
Hi Jen
I don’t really know what to say to you, as I lost my mum a long time ago and I still have my rather rickety dad, so I have no personal experience.
It doesn’t sound hard-hearted. Your mum is doing the best she’s capable of and that effort will undoubtedly change her. You’re not being selfish, you’re a daughter who loves her mum and you’re both facing a very tough time, we all feel for you.
The forums have been rather busy today so your post may have just been missed, but this post with good wishes may get other responses.
Jen ,my experience is different but very similar! My “rather rickety old Dad” ( great description) is 89 and becoming very confused and unable to deal with day to day strife anymore.Which has not been helped by some ba***rds breaking in and stealing his wallet on Sunday night.I was always a Daddys girl so its very very hard to see him like this and I miss my old Dad so much.He would have done anything for me but now the tables are turned.Due to his age I face losing him soon and that is so so hard.
Sending hugs,
Dot
xxx
Thanks both.
I unfortunately lost my dad 3 years ago, with a brain tumour, and that was very hard, as we did lose the character and person he was before his illness took him.
Mum still has her character, but has lost her vitality which summed up her personality - she was always on the go, always busy, playing with my kids, and off somewhere - and unfortunately she is not going to regain that.
I know that she will probably not survive to the end of this year, and maybe I’m subconciously preparing myself for the inevitable.
Thanks for your kind words and thoughts, and thoughts are with you both and your dads xxxx
I totally sympathise with your view,
Through no fault of her own, my mum (78) has changed over the 2 years since her terminal diagnosis from being the strong independant woman she was, into a dependant person. She now needs care, but won’t accept it.
My mum before she was ill was the epitomy of what a mum and grandparent could be, and this cruel disease has taken that away from her and from us.
I’m not angry at her for this, but I do miss what she was to me before this disease struck. And all we can do is be there for her now.
All good wishes to you, hugs