For Zotam

Hi - I saw you were posting on another thread and didn’t want to interrupt. Just thought I would drop you a note to say that I am still thinking about you, Simon and Lisa. I hope that your are OK - it’s really early days so probably far too soon for you to have come to terms with everything that happened (and the speed of it) but I just wanted to say thankyou for sharing the past few months with us all.

Thinking of you.


Hi there

This thread has disappeared, so wanted to share with Gerry in saying you are not forgotten and I hope you are managing to get through the days the best you can.

Jules xxx

Thanks Jules and Geraldine
I have been quite bad this last week … reality setting in in a big way I guess now the initial chaos has stopped and the shock is easing. Have had some really bad days where I keep remembering those last few days and I start sobbing … the hope we still had until the last day … The hardest thing anyone would have to do is watch your daughter die especially when she fought to the end. Still not had results of PM which may answer a few questions… not that it would bring her back but may go some way to make me understand why it should all happen so quickly. Its so hard being the summer because Lisa & I had planned to do so much this summer and all that goes through my mind too every day. Saw my Dr last week … over something else because I have adrenal gland probs and have to have regular checks … and of course I broke down when talking to him. He has been our Dr for 22 years and so knew Lisa since a child. He too had tears in his eyes and along with everyone else didn’t think that Lisa would die yet with all the fight she had in her. We knew she was in trouble when she had the big brain tumours but everyone gave her at least another year and maybe longer if treatment worked. The Avastin and taxol was working really well on the tumour on her back and she had no sign of cancer anywhere else in her body … even the brain scans were good a few days before she died but i guess it came too late to mop up any other cells collecting around … then of course the infection which really seemed to do it.
Anyway I am plodding along … finding it really hard just now trying to shake off the memory of those last few days but Dr says its something I unfortunately have to go through and he would be more worried should I not be like this.
Simon is back at work and is sort of Ok when he is there but is a lost soul when at home. He is now going through the stage that he keeps wanting to tell Lisa something but then it hits him that she isn’t there. He can’t yet touch any of her things. He may take some time off later and go to America to see his brother. I am currently looking for a cottage or similar somewhere rural where we could take the dogs ( mine and Lisa’s little dog) maybe for a week … just could do with some walking with the dogs and do something different for a few days and try to clear my head. I have a timid collie who would hate going to a site with lots of kids etc. I know I have left it a bit late for the summer but if anyone knows of anywhere maybe for end of August I would be so grateful. We live in Bournemouth by the way.
Thanks for thinking about us … its so very hard to lose such a precious daughter.and something I hope none of you have to go through. Lisa was an only child and I have no grandchildren and so somehow it seems even harder that the family finishes there.
I just miss her so much.
I still follow all your threads.
Love Sue xx

Dear Sue

Like everyone else, I often think of you, and look here for news of you. The last I read was your devastating experience in Tesco. It is only natural that everything is churning about inside you, and I am sure that you can think of nothing much other than going over and over what happened, what your were told, how Lisa coped - and worst of all those last few days. As your doctor said - although this is horribly painful it is something that has to happen, you have had such a terrible shock, and Lisa’s death is so totally devastating, and was not at all what you were prepared for. By thinking it all through again and again, and talking about it again and again, you somehow will come, very gradually, to get through this dark and dreadful place. But it will take a long time, and I am so sorry for the dreadful pain that you are going through. I wonder whether you might find it helpful to get support from one of the bereavement groups - either now or in the future. Also whether you can get support from the palliative care team that were involved with Lisa - hopefully they are staying in touch with you. How much longer is it until you get the PM report?
I do hope that you manage to find a “dog friendly” place to stay for a while and to have a bit of a change of scenery later in the summer.
I too live in Bournemouth (when not in Australia!) and will be home staying with my mum in Poole for six weeks from mid August, if you feel you would like a wander along the beach with me, and a cup of coffee looking over the sea, then please do PM me, and we can arrange to meet.
Nothing and no one can take the pain of your loss away, and the emptiness in your heart must be dreadful. I am so very sorry for all you have suffered, and continue to suffer.
Love Sarah xx

Just bringing this back to the top Sue, as I see that you have posted on another thread today, so might be around. Want you to know that I, and the rest of your friends here, are thinking of you and send much love. Sarah xx

Hi Sarah
Sorry I didn’t answer … funnily enough have had a busy few days with one thing and another. You will have to PM me with a telephone number while you are here. I live Christchurch end of Bournemouth. Dave is on holiday for 3 weeks starting Aug 8th so not sure what we are doing during those weeks … nothing planned this year because of Lisa of course. Thought I was going to be spending loads of time with her. I have gone mad and have decided to have a puppy which is ready sometime after Sept 9th. I must be mad because i haven’t decided about work yet … I work with problem kids and can’t face going back yet … my Dr has signed me off until October so far because he says that i need to get myself sorted out before I face work again. He wants me to consider counseling but not group counseling as he thinks that I am the sort that other people would take from and would put on a good face despite breaking up inside myself. Not being a counseling type of person I haven’t done anything about it yet… thought a puppy might help. Mind you I have a collie of my own plus I now have Lisa’s dog each day so I will have my work cut out. Dr also wanted me to try anti depressants as I have some really bad days … its the little things that seem to start me off …but I have declined those too so far but I am seeing him again in couple of weeks.
Anyway as I said PM me sometime with phone number and dates.
Love Sue x
Love Sue x

Was going to PM that message but sent it normal way … not that it matters because everyone else can see that I am still kicking! Meant to say still no news about Post Mortem … will leave another week and if I still haven’t heard anything I will ring the hospital. Still so hard to take in that Lisa isn’t here and won’t be coming back … at times I still think that she is just away and will be back soon. Then it hits me again. I guess I will get there in the end … I just try to keep busy.
Keep thinking about poor Kate and hope she is doing Ok … she must be frightened … its when nothing is happening that its scary isn’t it?
Sue x

Hi sue, I didnt realise you had been on and added to this thread. So apologise for not responding before. I am sorry that things have been so awful for you, I am at a loss for words, but you are in my thoughts often.

My mum had a mastectomy last Thursday and we are waiting for her path results, so I know what its like watching someone you love suffer with this intolerable disease.

I send you my love and best wishes.

Jules xxxx

Thanks Jules … I have been following your thread about your Mum. So awful isn’t it watching someone you love so much go through all this? So pleased that she is doing well now though. Have enjoyed reading your threads. Loads of love to her from one who has watched a dear one go through it.
Love Sue x

Thank you Sue, it has been horrid seeing mum suffer with cancer, and you will know from reading my threads she is very much like Lisa in that she refuses to be “ill”. She worries the hell out of me with her determination to be not ill and dismisses her cancer as if its a cold!! She has a long way to go, but me, dad and my sister will be there for her every step of the way like you were for poor Lisa.

Lisa like myself, had one of the best mums in the world, and she knew that. Sue you are a wonderful person and I wish I could do something to ease your pain.

I am finding keeping a diary of mums treatment etc on here really helps me with my thoughts and feelings, and can understand how much comfort it gave you with Lisa.

You are never far from my thoughts Sue.

Love Jules xxxx