Friendships after sharing diagnosis

Hi all, I was diagnosed 10 days ago with Stage 1 IDC. I’m 32. I’ve had serious ups and downs, but felt immediate relief finding this forum and seeing that I’m not alone. I’m looking at a lumpectomy in early July followed by radiation, but we’re still collecting information (MRI, genetic testing, etc) before final plans are made. Until I know more, I want to keep this quiet - close family and friends only. Well, I’ve told my closest girlfriends and they have mostly been super supportive, but a couple reactions have not been great. Has anyone else gotten bad reactions from close friends after sharing their diagnosis?


im sorry that you’re going through this and while so young, it’s a huge shock, not just for you but your friends and family. 

I think most people who have gone through this have a story of friends that just wasn’t there for them while others they didn’t know that well stepped up and were amazing. 

Some people just don’t know what to say or how deal with hearing you have cancer. I felt just the same so didn’t  understand why they treated me differently. The most hurtful was people not saying anything at all. My husband’s family never called or asked how I was doing even when visiting and I didn’t bring it up as I didn’t really know how to so it just got ignored. 

On the opposite of that, one friend who I’ve known for years but not been very close to was amazing. My husband had to go away the weekend before my surgery and I was in a pretty bad way at that point. My friend came and stayed and was a massive support that by the time she left I felt I could cope with what was coming. She’s listened to me so many times without judgement, just understanding and kindness and I couldn’t have coped without her. 

I hope once your friends have got over the shock they come through for you just give them a little time. 

Good luck with all your treatment xx 


Sorry to hear you are experiencing some problems.

I totally understand as experienced similar and support came sometimes from where it wasnt expected.

Sadly having gone through cancer, chemo and covid, you do find where the real support is.

I now think maybe I set my expectations too high - don’t be hard on people though as perhaps they are struggling seeing you hurting.

Take the support from who wants to give it - you need it and take from people that can give you positivity and make you smile.

Good luck



As the others say, i am sorry that this has happened, and yes it is unfortunately one of the fallouts of diagnosis. Those you hope will stand up, fall by the wayside, others step up and become friends for life.

You may find that it is because of the age, i was 37 when diagnosed and i think it shocks those around you and makes them think holy **** that could be me, but that doesn’t take away from the fact you need your  friends at this time. 

Speaking to others in my support group, this will happen no matter the age, type of cancer, or the type of friends you have. In a way it helps you realise how you want your relationships to go in the future, and as my dad told me, means that you are no longer wasting your precious moments with those who don’t deserve you. 

My amazing person is a friend who has literally lost her mum to BC the week i was diagnosed. I didn’t want to burden her in her time of grief, yet she was there every step of the way, and is now one of my closest friends. Others in our group, i have drifted away from, and i honestly don’t miss them… make of that what you will. 

Good luck with everything