As you may know from some of my previous posts, I am about to start chemo for Grade 3 BC following Mastectomy. I am triple neg and also have PCOS. Having accepted the fact I may not have children of my own we are looking to adopt in a few years when this is all over. I mentioned this to my Onc who said that if I am genetic then that could hinder my prospects of adaoption. Have any of you ben told the same or going through something similar?
This made me quite mad when single people can adopt, those with disabilities can adopt, I told my partner that he could adopt as a lone parent and keep me out of the equation if it helped.
I suppose they see it that I wouldn’t be able to cope with a child should it recocur but there are plenty of women out there who had families before they were diagnosed - they don’t take their children away from them do they? It just makes me mad wen there are children out there who need loving homes and they let something like this prevent one from being homed.
Sorry Just needed to let off some steam - as if having this wasn’t bad enough they tell me something else…
Hi,
I was watching This Morning last week about adoption and a couple were asking why did the fact that they were overweight go against them. The reasoning was that as a lot of these children have already lost their parents, the adoption services don’t want to place them with parents who could possibly not be there for them until they are adults. I think this would be a reason why they would be reluctant to place children with people with a diagnosis of cancer.
I find that BC takes over all areas of your life - it’s so unpredictable. You may never have a recurrence, but there is no way of knowing or guarantee that it won’t return.
That’s one of the things I hate about cancer - it, or the threat of it, is with you for life.
Sally xx
Hi
I am a foster parent and me getting BC has made no difference to our fostering, they just asked if i needed any extra assistance, they thought it would be more upsetting to move our foster child than to let her live through a normal life experience that lots of other families go through, The process for fostering and adoption can take a couple of years to get through the process, but my sister has adopted 6 children since she was dx 8 years ago. i would reccomend you speak to your local authority to see what your options are, but adopting a 3 + child is much easier than trying to adopt a new born
best of luck
Shirley
Thanks for that Trojan, good to hear your sister isn’t havng any problems and for you also, and that there is hope. Obviously its something we would perhaps do in about 5 years or so, so I would maybe get the ball rolling in a coupe of years all being well - in the meantime will do as you suggested to get an idea of whats involved - thanks again for your comments. Take care M
I’m a social worker for a fostering agency and we carry out exactly the same type of assessments on prospective carers, as an adoptive parent would go through. I was diagnosed with BC in 2006. The agency that I work for has 2 carers who have been treated for cancer. They still work for us and, apart from providing additional support, their illness has made no difference to their role as foster carers. Any person going through an assessment has to undergo a medical and any health issues have to be considered in relation to possible affects on the child and carer. We have other carers with significant health issues/disabilities. Whilst we may decide not to place children who exhibit certain types of behaviours or with certain needs (as it may not be positive for either the child or carer) that would not completely exclude people from the caring role. Part of the assessment includes preparation training (the same for adoption) during which you would look at the needs and challenges that young people bring with them when they come into the care system. People are provided with info to help them make an informed choice about the fostering role- some decide not to go ahead, some decide to delay. Most go ahead with it. Have a look at the BAAF website(British Association of Adoption and Fostering) for info and books on adoption and fostering. Not only would it be useful as and when you go through assessment, it would help you to decide how you would manage the process in relation to your health and treatment needs. Some of the authors are not only social workers but adoptive or foster carers too, so you get both perspectives.
Regards
Geraldine
PS your partner cannot adopt and keep you out of the assessment process. You would have to be involved and considered. Presumably you live in the same house so ,by law, could not be excluded from the process. If you tried to do this and were found out, you would ruin your chances of adopting. That kind of info goes on record and would be passed on to any other agency you tried to approach. I have had something similar with a couple I was taking through assessment, who withheld information and were (literally) excluded at the eleventh hour as a consequence. As someone diagnosed with cancer, you are classed as a person with a disability and cannot be discriminated against as a result of your disability. Not all social workers know this so it’s worth bearing in mind. As well as Local Authorities, there are a number of private adoption and fostering agencies, who tend to offer thier carers a much higher level of support, and (in the case of fostering agencies) remunerate their carers much more realistically. They also tend to be better regulated, as they can be closed down if they don’t adhere to the law. This gives you other options.
Geraldine
Thank you everyone for your comments, very helpful information. I watched the thing about the couple trying to adopt but the man was overweight, and went on some of the websites they mentioned. I sent an email to one of them telling them everything bout me, and they said it shouldn’t be a problem, obviously they would have to obtain medical records but I may have to wait 5 years after treatment (which I have to mention yet again was today!!!), which is absolutely fine with me as I will still be fairly young at 35, and we will hopefully have got out lives back to normal and moved into a bigger house by then and better able to accomodoate a family.
We had just started the adoption process when I was diagnosed with BC in July 2003. Our social worker told us to take a year out to go through the op, chemo and radiotherapy. When we contacted them again in a years time they asked my Oncologist for a medical reference and he sent a letter back saying I had a 96% chance of surviving the next 10 years. In June 2005 we adopted our beautiful daughter, who is now six years old. Unfortunately I had a re-occurence which was missed on a mammogram and in January 2006 I was diagnosed with bone secondaries.
Good luck with your adoption hopes.
Linda