Hi,
I had breast cancer twice in 2 years. The 1st one was treated with a lumpectomy and radiation. Then I discovered I had Palb2 gene mutation inherited from my father. A year later, I discovered a lump on my other breast. This time, it was 3 tumours, grade 3. I decided to have a full mastectomy and remain flat. I had gruelling chemo and radiotherapy. The first time, my husband was supportive, 2nd time, he clearly couldn’t cope. I m a very positive person but some days I just couldn’t do very much, I was so weak.
My husband could have work from home but he decided not to, saying he needed to be around people. So, I was left alone most days. Luckily, I have many good friends in the village and they would take their lunch break to come and sit with me for a while. My adult son, who works full time, delayed his moving out by 6 months so he could be around…he could see my husband wasn’t going to be able to handle the situation alone.
All the way through treatment, I would push myself to always be up and having dinner with them both, being chatty and as “normal” as I could managed (wearing scarves and make up to look less “ill”). I would only cry my eyes out in private…
Relationship with my husband was getting strained after my 1st cancer but we were still intimate. As soon as I got my 2nd diagnosis, my husband moved into the spare room saying I would sleep better on my own, needed my rest. He wouldn’t come back.
Once the treatment was over (October last year) and I started feeling stronger, I tried talking to him, suggesting going on holiday etc… but he could barely look at me. I went back to work in January as I needed to get out of the house and rebuild a life for myself. My son finally moved out to his new flat and my husband & I were left together. All the way through treatment, he spent more time cycling and playing pickleball rather than with me. Finally, on the 1st of May, he moved out, having given me 5 days notice and no other explanation that I wasn’t the wife for him anymore.
My boys are furious, our friends are bewildered, I m heartbroken and very very angry. We would have been married 25 years in September. On the 1st of June, he filed for divorce but would like to remain friends. When he announced he was leaving, I suggested couple therapy etc… but he wouldn’t hear of it. He says he has no one else but I find it hard to believe. I m 51, my husband (or ex) is 60. I m far from recovered, and this is adding so much stress. I m going to have to go back to full time work just to pay all the bills, will likely have to sell the house within the next year too.
This is a sorry tell, and I not sure why I m writing it all here, but, if anyone lived through something similar, I loved to hear how you navigated the situation.
Thank you.
Xxx
