I could have written this myself to be honest. I also have two young children. I want to do everything I can for them when I feel able and why shouldn’t I?! They’re my kids and it’s my life! Same as you say I get very low once the steroids wear off and I want to hide away and just ignore everything. What my husband and I have found is after the initial fuss people have slowly drifted off and we feel a bit deserted. Solidarity, sister!
1 Like
Yep, I’ve found this too @mrshmbucks. Lots seem to think that once chemo is done, the treatment has finished in my experience!
1 Like
Sorry to hear your predicament @sbee. I hope you managed to handle it ok and put her off. People have the best intentions but forcing themselves on you is not fair. I hope you are ok x
1 Like
Thanks for all your wonderful replies and great to hear everyone gets the same feelings. I’ve been in a much better headspace this week knowing it’s how everyone feels.
The WhatsApp idea is defo a good one @templar-1310. I did really think about this after you suggested but I have different friends that don’t get on anymore 
. Also I have a girls group for some friends and I messaged yesterday to say blood count is better and I can have chemo next week (great!) but still one friend just liked my message in the group and then messaged me direct so I had to reply to her seperately……
. So frustrating and I know it’s to make the group look like she already knew 
. Im sorry your daughter is going through this, I do understand how hard it must be for a mum and I try be patient with my mums fussing . We are very close and I ensure she feels involved, but just need to be able to rant to her without her taking it all personally.
@Gelbel thank you, can’t believe your mum said all that to you 
. I’ve tried to approach it a bit more with my mum this week and asked her to please stop taking what I say as though it’s aimed at her because it’s not… so fingers crossed it will be a bit better. Thank you for the birthday wishes.
@stevie-puggle haha defo amazing how many people are cancer professionals and tell me I will feel like this or that because Fred from down the road felt like that. So pleased you are through it now and I hope you are doing well out the other side 
Loved a good rant ladies! Defo helps to talk to people. I’m not great at replying on here but always read the replies so thank you.
You are all amazing! 
3 Likes
Hello
I soon learnt to have a stock phrase up my sleeve.
I’m just taking this one day at a time and today is a good day!
Thanks for caring/ asking
2 Likes
You poor dear… I know what you mean, which is why I decided not to tell anyone except immediate family when I was dx Stage 4 BC… even with the few who know I still get weekly Texts asking how I am… when mostly nothing changes… I want to be remembered as more than a Dx… so I completely understand how you feel.
I also like to garden and sweat and push my body… everyone tells me to slow down and that I will make things worse… I really thing that is BS… I like to do stuff not just watch TV all day…
My advice is to Reclaim your life and dont feel bad about making that call… it’s your life and if you want to drive around all day, even if you are then exhausted, as long as no one is at risk of you having a car accident, then I say “go for it”…
stay strong and stand up to people who tell you who you should be!! when you are perfectly fine being who you already are!!
2 Likes
Hi All, I’m relatively new on here but feel maybe my story will help. I was diagnosed in 1991! Yes really all those years ago! I was married with two young children so of course worried about my future. Well I had a full mastectomy in 1992 then chemo. Cancer returned in 1995 as tumours growing down my chest wall. I had more surgery then was scheduled for radio in 1996. All this time I had been working fulltime as a special needs teacher. While at home waiting to be healed enough for the radio, my employers (Manchester Ed) sent a doctor round to my house who told me I needed to take early retirement to spend my last few months with my family!!!
I had the radiotherapy, was retired from teaching in my early 40’s but I was put on tamoxifen and went back to work. After over 6 years on tamoxifen it was found to have given me uterine cancer so I had a complete hysterectomy, recovered and carried on with life. But my BC was still there, quietly growing and by 2010 I needed more surgery. Since then I’ve tried everything (well uit feels that way) to stop it growing.
So in 207 I was told I am incurable, but still treatable so I had 130 rounds of chemo until March this year when the chemo stopped working.
I am now on Abemaciclib and Letrozole (again it didn’t work on its own in 2015) and am once again carrying on. Yes I’m 72 now, my children have grown and married and I have two grandchildren I adore. BUT throughout all these decades there have been those people who either treat me as if I’m a delicate flower not long for this world, to those who annoyingly say how wonderful I look so either my cancer can’t be that bad or I’m about to be cured!! Every reaction in a way can be irritating and I treasure the family and friends who treat me as normal and accept there are days when I’m feeling bad or low and that I can’t always join social occasions.
Sorry I’ve rambled on, but really, keep going, keep living laughing and doing what you can and as my mother who’s 101 says keep walking!
12 Likes
Dear bate,
What a wonderful story, and a very strong lady this will help so many others along the way.
Wishing you well with lots of happiness ahead.
Hugs Tili 
I’m brand new to the group, and this is the first message that I see lol. I’m laughing because it’s exactly what I struggle with. I’m a pretty stoic person. Identify the problem, identify the solution, move forward. Other personality types really go off the deep end with the word “cancer”. I keep telling myself that they mean well, and that they don’t have any personal experience with cancer. In movies and TV shows cancer patients are often depicted as fragile husks of a human. For me, the worst part has always been psychological. And, even that was at a reasonable level. But, physically it’s not too bad.
I wish you the best.
2 Likes
Hi there
My advice your body your life your cancer
You deal with it how you wish.
When you are feeling good do what you enjoy obviously when you are not feeling good deal with it as best you can
Unless you have been on this road no one really understands the emotions we have to deal with and how having cancer can make you feel so vulnerable.
Don’t question your reaction if that’s how you feel it’s right for you.
We are trying to live a " normal " life under exceedingly tough circumstances
No one has the right to question your decisions.
Please just do as you wish to help you get through this
I am !!
May sound selfish but this cancer is all consuming so it’s your call.
Wishing you well
Xx
1 Like