Hi Jayne
I can point you in the right direction with any help you may need re matters of a practical nature as I work for a firm of solicitors in Brighton/Hove (where I live) and we have a very strong private client/probate/wills and trusts department, so if you would like to send me a private message I can give you my details.
I went through chemo/surgery/rads from May 2007 to March 2008 and my employers were great.
Anyway, if I can be of any help at all, please let me know.
Bubs XX
Hi Jayne,
I am truly sorry to hear that you have been given such awful news. I have recently been through this with my sister. She was given the same sad news as yourself but she had already sorted a certain amount out. The one bit of very important advice I can give you is to go to a solicitor straight away. Making a will can be quite simple and with a good solicitor he/she can look after so much that may be very stressful for you right now. There were many other sensitive things that she chose to arrange. If you would like to pm me I will help you in any way I can. I wish you the very best and once again, I am so sorry.
Hi Jayne
Sorry to hear your news it really is s…t. I was dx with secondaries in liver and bones in May 2006 have been on Xeloda since then, just having a blip at the moment and changing chemos but hopefully it will get on the nright track again.
I heard on GMTV Martin Lewis was talking about wills for the month of November you can get your will free go on to Will Aid you can give some money to charity but you dont have to.
All the best
Beli.x
Hi Jayne
I do feel for you, I was given the 6 weeks - get your affairs in order - talk about nearly 6 years ago (liver and bone) and I found our local Hospice absolutely amazing. They told me about DLA, Blue Badge and filled in all the forms (I am usually quite competent but was totally out of my depth). We got the will thing and a Power of Attorney done which was a relief. I am still here and all that has receded somewhat but your post reminded me of the blind panic that came over me and my husband. I wish you all the best and hope that your arrangements are premature!
blondie
Hi T1971, Beli and Blondie
Thank you all for your posts…and advice and support - have made an appointment for solicitor on monday to start the ball rolling and that feels like a good start - although I will know I will have to make all sorts of decisions - which are all a bit of a blur at the moment ! Anyway! I will send you a pm T1971- i’m so sorry you have had to go throughall this with your sister - I sometimes think my family are having a harder time than me - but you might have some ideas about what to do asyou have been through this with your sister
Beli - well , its great to hear of you doing well …sorry you are having a blip at the moment - hope it settles down REALLY soon - will check out Martin Lewis’s website -as although i’ll need solicitors advice about a couple of issues - martin Lewis might flag up the issues and i can find out the best way of doing things
Blondi -wow 6 years ago - heartening to hear when you have some thoughts going round my head - so hearing from you gives me a little hope that arrangements are premature …that would be very good- have just met the macmillan nurse this week and she has said she would send someone round to help me with DLA…will ask about blue badge - is this so I can park??? what a treat!
so thanks all - being a bit brief as I’m just in from chemo and herceptain!!! and a bit knackered - my daughter has just phoned up for a takeaway Thai …mmnn lovely
hope you are all having a good evening…thank you again lovely ladies!!! Jayne x
Hi Everyone,
This is such a valuable thread - I’m sure lots of people have read it without posting. Jayne and T1971 - I know some of these issues are quite personal, but would you be able to carry on your discussions on here and not by PM, so we can all benefit? Or even give us a precis.
At the last Liver ladies meet, some of us were talking about what happens if our husbands remarry (some young floozy!), and then when he dies, our children don’t get any of the proceeds from our family home, as she would be the beneficiary of his will and be living in whatever house they share. Obviously he could make clear in his will that the children get some of the proceeds, but some people weren’t sure they could trust their men to get around to it! Also, assuming he loved her, he might trust her to sell the house and make sure the kids got their share, but once he’s gone, she could enjoy the proceeds of our life together… Just something to think about - sorry i know it’s a bit unsavoury!
Another thing - should we all be thinking about power of attorney once we have secondaries?
Hope you’re all out there enjoying your weekends
Jx
Hi
this can be done but you will be warned by solicitor that you cannot rule from the grave. My own personal arrangements are when Ian meets said floozy house is revalued and my half is given to xwz floozy can get mortgage to cover this or pay out of her property port folio. As door bangs Ian will continue to carry on alone ,sad and remembering what a clever floozy I was . Does any man need another.
Love Debsxxx
Hi
I agree this is a very useful thread, it’s certainly made me think about my arrangements. The above point from Jacksy is very relevant and not something I’d thought about, also I love Debs’ input into that argument! Hmm, more things to sort out! Better include the ‘floozy’ clause in our will 
I don’t think my daughters would appreciate a wicked step mother, their own mother is bad enough!
Thanks to Jayne for bringing this up and opening it as a discussion. Also I really hope your Doctor is proved wrong - in the nicest possible way.
take care all
Nicky x
This is a whole complciated area which you will need a solicitor for…I think it is possible to set up Trusts, but it is hard to control from beyond the grave.
My partner has agree that when she dies she will apportion a part of her remaining estate to charities which I will name…(rather than to her relatives) but of course I’ll never know whether that happens…and if her circumstances change so completely from anything we can now envisage maybe she won’t be abe to honour that. But I agree its more complicated if you have children and you want to stop the floozy taking the kids’ inheritance.
Jane
Hmmmm yes this is something that has been niggling me for a while now.
We did our wills in December last year - they are mirror wills, but as I’ve said, once I’ve gone, anything can be changed.
I am going through the motions of Ill Heath Retirement (should get to know the decision later this week) - this will lead to a nice lump sum and also a yearly pension guaranteed for at least 10 years.
My husband has 2 children from a previous relationship - but their Mother has stopped us having contact with the kids (aged 14 and 11)since just before our own son was born in August 2007. There is no reason for this - but she tended to do it on a yearly basis - leading us back to the courts, when she sat there batting her eyelids at the judge saying that she’d done nothing wrong. But hey ho thats another story. Since my 2ndary dx, we just havent had the ‘energy’ to fight this again. The kids and I had a great relationship and I think that jealousy is a major factor. Their Mother is money-orientated and whilst hubby’s paying his CSA, she’s quite happy not to let him see them. It is not through lack of trying on our part.
At the moment our wills state that the house should go to our own son, and any monies to be held in trust until the age of 23 for the 3 children.
We live in an ‘ok’ house in an ‘ok’ area but we are just going through the process of buying a new house - with our son’s future in mind.
Choosing Guardians for our son was extremely difficult - our closest friends were our first choice but true colours were shown. When we were discussing it with them, it came out that they wanted any monies split 3 ways - BUT not between the 3 children as we thought - between our son and their 2 children!!! Totally omitting my hubby’s 2. They didnt find it fair, that our son would have a nice inheritance and their 2 children wouldnt!!! Needless to say, that ended the very close, and years long friendship - people that we thought we really knew.
I do have concerns about any ‘floozy’ getting her hands on my money - and have made my thoughts quite clear to hubby on this. I’ve told him that he can get someone new - but they are to stay in their own home, and he in ours.
Anyway, I’ve waffled loads now, but yes this is a very good thread - and the Power of Attourney bit has got me thinking again.
Love Anne xx
PS I do feel a little deceiptful to my husand, thinking some of the things mentioned above and it has caused a little bad feeling, but as I’ve said to him, my priority is my hubby and my son - the kids’ mother and new hubby will look after the other 2.
goodness me Anne - that really is amazing that a potential guardian could suggest that, I really can’t believe that and had to read it twice, I think you have to take that as they wanted some sort of compensation.
the floozy question - well as I have told some of you when we met i have taken action on that as my son is diasbled and set up trusts that will kick on on my death. I simply could not bear my husband being stripped of what assets he has left by a floozy and then nothing left for my son. It really could happen and I know him too well as I know that he would leave himself open to this. Trusts are highly complicated though and they are not neccessarily advantageous for inheritance tax purposes but our solicitor agreed and did it given the circumstances of my son.
You can’t actually make a clause in your will against marriage but you can definitely express your wishes and you can set up trusts, I do worry that I have left my husband at a disadvantage - even though it will be very difficult for him to get remarried I have now made it harder as he will only have his natural charm to attract the floozy,. but you guys have made me feel a bit better about this,
It is definitely one that needs a full and frank discussion with a solicitor
cathy
I went to a solicitor for advice on this. I was worried that my husband might fall out with one of our children after I have died and disinherit them, or that he would die without a will and that a proportion of my half is left to his children from his previous marriage.
So I made a will that leaves my half of the house to our three children to be held in trust until he dies or sells the house when the value of my half will be given to them, or put into trust if they are still under 21.
First, though, I had to sever our joint tenancy on the house and make sure the house was held as tenants in common. If you have a joint tenancy your half automatically transfers to the other person named on the deeds.
It’s so complicated, and fraught with potential minefields. My husband, for example, didn’t like me leaving everything to the kids and not to him and certainly didn’t like the implied lack of trust.
Incidentally, I have also asked my mother to change her will so that whatever she would have left me will now go to the kids instead. That means that if she suddenly drops down dead I will have one less thing to sort out. I couldn’t bear to think that my mum’s money and property might go to some “floozy”
Deirdre
Hi everyone
it has been really interesting to read all the messages here - i suppose we are all in such different positions - so many ifs and buts but good to share some of the dilemas - cos I’ve now thought about potential complications… you know the what ifs…seeing solicitor tomorrow for an initial meeting and will give feedback if there are any gems of wisdom from him! . …T1971 - I have not yet sent you a message but happy to carry on here , as suggested , if you are - as it might help us all think things through - would that be ok with you? - think you must be a fab sister to help her in this way - my sister is great but into denial so can’t really help with these things - and then i dont mention them to her cos she just gets upset - this is why I find all of the posts here helpful cos there’s no one else to talk to!!! Its a lonely old business…
Sixpin - I on’t know about ill health retirement and a garunteed pesnsion for 10 years - is that a special provision from your pension - my pension gives a lump sum (on retirement or death or a yearly amount ) I thought that I would leave it for my daughter as I wont benefit from it now but maybe I should look into wheter there are other options ,anyway good to keep the thoughts going on this … hope you are all having a good sunday …jaynex
Jayne
Mine is local government pension.- having paid in to it for 23 years, it gets enhanced to full whack.
I can decide to take a smaller lump sum with a bigger annual amount, or can cash some of that in for a bigger lump sum.
If I survive eg 2 years, I will have drawn 2 years from the amount and upon my death, my hubby will be paid the remaining 8 years as a lump sum.
He will then be entitled to his part of my pension, for the rest of his life after that, and our son will also get his own pension until he is 18.
I’m not very good on the pension front, but when I first commenced employment, was advised to join - oh what wise words!!!
Love and best wishes
Anne xx
PS Cathy - yes rather eye-opening stuff on the guardian front!!!
Hi Ladies,
I would just like to thank you all for the comments on the ‘Floozie’.
It is something I hadn’t given any thought to but not only that…
Now that I am thinking about it it is nice to know that I will not be the only with a
slightly dim hubby regards future money and kids…
and my hubby an accountant, which is slightly more worrying…
Maybe we can’t rule from the grave but could we come back and haunt???
Hi Bikinggirl
Ah, poor R!!! We know all about these husbands of ours who are accountants!!!
See you in about an hour!
xxxx
Hi all,
I’ve been reading this thread with a lot of interest. I am not worried about the floozy bit, my partner is in Gambia. After I’m gone the children are going to my eldest sister. But I am a bit surprised that the laws on inheritance are so different in UK from what they are here (Belgium). My Mum died 8 yrs ago of cancer. If my Dad remarries he will have to give us half of what was there at the time of my Mum’s death. Half of house and half of any money. also, because I am likely to die before my Dad, any money that would have come to me will automatically go to my kids…There is no way my siblings could cut them short. I read the guardian thing with amazement! My eldest sister Cindy will take the kids as a foster mum…the Belgian state will help with their upkeep in that she will get 15-20 euro per kid per day. Then they each get just over 100 euro a month on their savings account…and part of their child allowance is going on their saving account too. And to make sure my sis treats them well, my other sister, brother and dad are their guardians. But even if I should want to marry somebody, there is no way he could get anything belonging to kids, as anything I had before I married would be considered nothing to do with him, only things bought or saved while we were married. I don’t have to worry about a will, although I have made one stating which personal things I want my kids to have and what I would like to give to which sibling. I know this won’t be much help, but I do wonder if the Uk government doesn’t have any safe guards for kids the way we have here
love Maroke
Hi Maroke
That seems a very fair way of protecting any inheritance for your children and also means there will be no need for you to sort it out or worry about it. How sensible of the Belgium Government, now I wonder why dear ole Gordon hasn’t done anything like this?! I think what we’re all concluding on here (regarding children) is we would like a similar thing to happen but can’t rule from the grave. We’ve only our wishes and hauntings, as Bikinggirl has said, to leave behind
Nicky x
Thats really interesting to me Maroke as I am an accountant , and a mother in this crappy position. Definitely Belgium is completely different and rightly so. The only safeguard we have is that if you die leaviing dependants and you leave nothing to them - your will can be challenged and will probably be overturned, thats it. In my case my husband could remarry, put my son in care, and leave everything to his new wife, and legally she would probably get it as my son would be considered provided for and she would be dependant, Also my real worry is my husband would remarry and the marriage would fail, she would then take half the house…leaving both of them with less,
I always liked Belgium and had a really good time there as my parents lived there on and off - its a nice place and now I know its more sensible than here,
Cathyx
The law in Spain is the same, so I bet it is one of those European laws that our government has chosen not to adopt!
Love Debsxxx