Ladies - some help please - a good friend of ours has had a left sided mastectomy yesterday (complete with lymph node removal) -she has grade 3 diagnosis - but is waiting for results back post op to discover the level and next steps with regards to treatment ect (forgive me if I’ve got the grades/levels the wrong way round!!).
ANYWAY - my question is this - a group of us have gathered together a collection - with which we want to send her gifts - however, we are unsure what is really going to be appropriate? Flowers are winging their way in her direction from everyone - so we thought about the following - BUT - I am little apprehensive given her surgery etc? Can you suggest what would have been a welcomed gift for you post op? We thought of the following but please say if you dont think they are a good idea:
A: A pamper gift set - smellies, creams, bath oils, etc etc (I am worried after surgery she wont be able to make use of these due to perfumes??)
B: Food hamper - she loves nice cheeses and pickles, crackers, jams etc etc - would this be good or not? Not sure when her chemo is due to start so wondering if this might make her sick? - dont know if she is already on medication now?
C: We then thought about saving SOME of the money to put towards a nice piece of underwear for her to use at a latter stage?
We have around £200 to spend - so any idea’s from anyone would be most welcomed?
Thanks in Advance.
She lives in Northern Ireland and we are all dotted about the country so it has to be something we can order and send.
What lovely friends you are. I myself just got a little package through post to day from a dear friend who while browsing charity shops found and sent a cap in lovely me colours! And the thing that utterly amazed me was the cards with messages of support, and that meant more to me than anything! I think what I’m try to say in my chemo muddled brain is your support, messages of love are worth more than any gift.
Good luck on your search!
Not costing anywhere near £200 but something I would have loved dearly at this stage is a bean bag pillow filled with the tiny beads, usually sold as neck supports. After surgery I needed something soft to support my bad side and made do with a folded pillow but since finding this I can lie in most positions , even my tummy for a short while. If she is going to have rads she will not be able to use additives to the bath - I ended up with so much stuff that I had to put a ban on bath goodies this Christmas. Food hamper sounds good. One of my fav. gifts was a reflexology treatment. What about subscription to a DVD rental site for if she is going to be having chemo , used mine a lot and have just cancelled it. Hope suggestions might help. She is a lucky lady to have such good friends. Wishing her a speedy recovery . Marli
You do sound like lovely friends! I would be wary about food and/or pampering things if there is a chance she might have chemo, it can do very strange things to your sense of smell and taste! Things I used to love I really went off, and a particular smell in some shampoos etc (no idea what it was) made me very nauseous. Of course everyone is different, but it would be a shame if you got her something lovely and she didn’t fancy it.
I loved to receive magazines, books and DVDs, or amazon gift vouchers to buy such things. If she is recovering from surgery, and if she does have chemo or radiotherapy, well there is a lot of couch time when you don’t feel up to much! And also lots of waiting rooms and appointments, so it is good to have some entertainment. Does she like to read? I think a kindle/e-reader would be an absolutely amazing present.
Also, this might not seem as nice as a having a present to open, but my family gave me some money they had all contributed as a present. I used bits of it here and there for little pick-me-ups like new scarves, hats and earrings (they prefered I chose things like that myself) and I also used some of it towards a weekend away with my husband after chemo finished. I really appreciated it, but I know some people don’t like giving money as a present and would rather give actual stuff.
As blue dragonfly says, the best present you can give though is your friendship, and you sound like you are already doing that! I am sure your friend will appreciate anything just becasue it shows you are thinking of her. I hope everything goes well with her treatment xxx
Edit: posted at the same time as Marli! Great idea about the DVD rental.
does she enjoy reading?? how about a kindle so she can down load lots of books to read, you can get a cover with a light she she can read it in bed at night if she cannot sleep. I have got an ipad, and use it to read, do suduko and crosswords, but that is more expensive.
Or has she got an i phone, she could listen to music, radio podcasts or audiobooks.
if you bought it from a large chain that had a branch in her town she could change it for something else if she felt she would not use it.
Until she knows whether she’s lined up for chemo or not, then sending scarves and hats might not be appropriate, and of course there’s a question of taste and things that go with her wardrobe.
The pillow is a great idea, as is the Kindle. If she’s a reader, having a Kindle’s a great way to carry books around, and you could also give her some Kindle vouchers to use on books she wants.
My daughter gave me a Kindle and amazon vouchers to buy books and it has been the BEST present.
Also my friends, who mostly live overseas, have kept up a barrage of emails and phone calls of support which have been great too.
I would also not recommend food or toiletries.
Your friend is lucky to have you. All the best to her and to you whatever you choose.
I would suggest you point her towards this website too.
And even if you’re at a distance, one of the best things you can do is keep in touch. Even if it’s just letting her know that you’re thinking of her, and giving her an update on what you’re up to too, it’s easy to feel a bit unsure of yourself and a bit abandoned with this disease, so contact with the real world is a big boost.
I think the suggestion that Marli has given for one of those cushiony things filled with tiny beads is a great idea. I’ve had a fairly small one kicking about for a while but it has really come into it’s own since my op. I put mine between the arm and the armpit at night time. Another suggestion is vouchers for M&S or other clothes outlet. I received some from work and treat myself to a new outfit that I would not normally have spent that amount of money on. It’s at times like this that our friends show their true colours. I am lucky with my friends and your friend is lucky with hers.
I have to agree, i’m with Choccie here. The person I regard as my closest friend lives abroad and I can’t see him as much as I would love to, but he had proved to be the closest to me.
I have friends here where I live, but you get the impression that they get bored after a while and really don’t help at times.
Be there. Maybe a call, an email or text. Hand written cards are something else, and you wouldn’t believe the smile you can put on someone’s face just by being there in soul.
:o) x
LADIES - THANKYOU all so much - we have decided to go with the Kindle idea - she is an AVID reader too so I am confident this will go down a storm - and with extra money we are designing her a moonpig card from us all (typically sarcastic and depicting us all in our varying lights!!!) and also ‘one’ of the crew is her neighbour - so she is putting together a scrummy ‘foodie’ pack for her with nibbles etc so she can induldge at her lesiure.
THANKYOU all so much for taking the time to reply - I trust that you are all ‘well’ and send you all many virtual hugs for the tough times past, presnet & future.
KIndles are brilliant. Heavy books, might tomes reduced to something easy to hold. If there’s money to spare a cover that opens like a book is brilliant. It protects the kindle and gives you that reading a book feeling.
When I was diagnosed a good friend called round with a ‘comfort pack’.
Everything was in a nice basket like a small hamper so sealable.
There was a DVD, Book, Pack of Nuts, some smiley stickers, love hearts & Chewitts, pot pouri, Radox Shower Cream, 4 miniature bottles of wine, Lipsalve, small packs of chocolates. Just a mix of random items.
I’ve used some of these, enjoyed the chocs, nuts and sweets, the DVD is awaiting a quiet sofa moment along with the book, had the wine with my daughter during a bonding night, the shower cream is gentle and I can even wash my wounds with care.
Post surgery, The basket is now beside the sofa with new items I feel essential, the Paracetomol, Codeine, Dressings etc.
For Chemo I will rearrange the basket for the new items I will need.
It keeps everything at hand, but tidy.
(I like the Kindle Idea mind, might drop some more hints in OH’s ears)
Ladies - she has not received the kindle (complete with leather cover as someone suggested) - a lovely foodie set with all her fave things in including a rather expensive bottle of chablis, all presented in a beautiful wicker basket with ribbons ect - which she can use for keeping said ‘handy’ items of pain relief in next to her fave chair - she was a little ‘overcome’ with emotion at receiving her ‘new baby’ - and has said we couldnt have picked a better gift for her - so again many thanks for the suggestion - she has already utilised an amazon voucher given to her by others to download books - so looks like there aint gonna be ANY moving her off her butt for the next few days - which is GOOD - as will give her the PROPER chance to recover form surgery she needs!!!
And Gypsylady - keep on nagging the OH for the kindle - sure he will cave in soon enough!!!
Another benefit of a Kindle is that you CAN access the internet (in other words you can come on the BCC site!) without having to do so through your phone. Very handy for lying in bed with, or sitting in the hospital waiting room, or…
Itsonlyme, I’m so glad your friend liked her gifts, and you and your friends are brilliant for being so very thoughtful.
Don’t forget to give your friend a ring to talk about all the good books she’s read.
Just downoaded The Crimson Petal and the White. Pretty good so far. Saw a few episodes on tv but didn’t see all of it, especially the end so my head will be firmly stuck in my kindle for a few days. I love my kindle. Didn’t know about accessing the internet so will have a go at that.
My mum has just come out of hospital following a substantial lumpectomy and we’re going over to Spain to see her at the weekend. I just wanted to thank Marli and others for the idea of the bean-bag cushion to help her get comfortable. It might not work for her, but we’ve bought one so she can at least try it out. We’re also taking across lots of DVD box sets.
(The make we found was called “Cushtie” and there’s nice bright pink ones available. Other bean-bag cushions are probably also available.)