go into denial

after being diagnosed on leaving the hospital i was in a zombie state {went on my on through choice } came home and my first thought was …well if this is it and i,m going to die …i must clean out my cuboards !! and thats exactly what i did …so when my husband came home there i was on my hands and knees surrounded by the entire contence of the kitchen units !! Am i mad ??

Sorry you are joining us here, but you will get great support Dynamite.

No you are not mad,one gets this sudden urge to put the house and private affairs in order, just in case. You are very normal ! When this feeling wears off I then got the why should I feeling…like why should I do this or that, I might not be around. Dont worry it gradually wears off.

Good luck for your treatments and the days ahead



No you are not mad you are just like the rest of us ‘Normal’ whatever that is. It will get better, I know you just can’t think of anything else at the moment but you really will, You have to just come to terms with things thats all and then you have to listen to how ‘brave’ you are being when all we are really doing is getting on with things, no one would be any different in our situation. I was diagnosed a week or so ago it really does get easier.

Hang on in there!
Deb x

No you’re not mad I did just the same!!
I suppose its something to do with being to control at least one area of our lives.
The food cupboards had tins lined up according to contents, the cutlery drawer was a sight to behold, and as for the spare loo rolls in the airing cupboard.
I blitzed most of the rooms, got rid of bags of stuff to the charity shop and bought a new bed!!!.
The previous one was a 24 year old pine one tied up on my side with garden wire. We hadn’t got around to even looking at new beds but as soon as I was diagnosed that was it. I rather dramatically said to my husband ‘I’m not dying in a bed tied up with garden wire’ and we went out and bought a kingsized bed which I then had to buy new duvet covers for sheets etc but its really lovely.
Enjoy your kitchen cupboards but watch out, you never know where it might lead.

All the best for the weeks ahead


They were my actual words to my surgeon, between her telling me my diagnosis and my fainting! '“ll have to get a cleaner now!”
And, I went home and cleaned the spindles on the staircase, all 3 storeys …

As Debs says, its amazing how much a week makes … Im the same, just diagnosed.

We must be normal!
Lisa x

Hi Dynamite,
when i was diagnosed (8 weeks ago) i came home and had a drink then started planning, who to tell first and what to say and how i’ll have to clean the house and prepare for surgery. i thought i was mad, people couldn’t believe how calm i was. i suppose it’s the shock. i was expecting that news because it’s in my family but never the less i was still shocked. it does knock the feet from under you. i’ve only found this site last week and already feel that i’ve had lots of support. take care.

Hi Everyone,
I was so convinced that there was nothing wrong with me that I told my husband not to take time off work. I drove 25 miles by myself to get the results. Cried hysterically for 1 hour by myself in the hospital cafe, then went to the supermarket for the weeks groceries and drove 25 miles back.
I told myself that the DX was wrong and the hospital had made a mistake and was convinced that I would get a phone call to say the same. I was totally shocked for 2 weeks and went to work as normal not telling anybody .
Anyway here I am 11 months on and fighting fit. So best of luck everyone.
Lots of love Andrea x

Hi Andrea

My experience was a bit like yours. My gp was convinced that my lump was a cyst and I had the mammogram and ultrasound which also suggest a cyst. so when I waited for the results of FNA was very laid back. However, results showed a different story and the rest is history. Like Dynamite, I went home and completely went mad in terms of cleaning. I was like Mr Sheen on speed!! I think I felt that I would never again be able to to do any housework, so I would prepare for the worst. needless to say, I am still here and can still capable of cleaning and all the other jobs, but at least my cupboards are tidy!! I think like Magsi mentioned, doing something physical helps us feel in control rather than sitting doing nothing.

You sound just like me. When I got my results I too went into a cleaning whirlwind - I even defrosted the freezer which is something which does not happen very often in our house. I have been cooking and freezing meals in readiness for my surgery next week. I have found keeping myself busy has helped.

Take care
Claire x

Best of luck with your surgery Claire, You,ll get through it.
Love Andrea x

P.s I was inundated with people making me pies and casseroles etc
So leave some room in the fridge.

My 1st thought when the consultant told me I had BC was ‘Chris (my 18 yr old son) doesn’t know how to program the washing machine’

I got home and got busy getting stuff organised for when I would be in the hospital … not for when I was going to die cos I never had any intention of doing that… come to think of it I never did get round to teaching my son how to program the washing machine.

It’s normal to want to get as much done as you can … it also acts as a distraction and stops you sitting thinking ‘I’ve got BC’

I got my dx on the Thursday morning - told work that afternoon and they instructed me to take the Friday off … they were happy for me to just start sick leave there and then but I insisted on going to work the following week.

It does get better and you will get through this.