Kaz, that sucks. I’d have rammed my hat up his …well, prob. his nose because that would have been easiest.
You take the time you need, screw 'em - they can’t fire you, and there’s no point in going back before you are fighting fit - particularly if it’s a stressful job.
I’m counting my lucky stars - I went in to my day job today to get an insurance form filled in by my line manager, and coincidentally to break the joyous tidings that actually I’m going to be signed off for months yet… not back in the New Year after all! Well, they were brilliant - made me a cup of tea (and I’m the kitchen worker… so no one at work has EVER made ME a cuppa before!!), chatted and laughed about everything, sympathised about the impending hair loss but reminded me that cos I’d been so open about what was going on, it wasn’t like anyone would be shocked - and that I’d better come in before I start chemo so they could all wave goodbye to my hair…!! I’ve only worked there for 18 months, but I get five weeks off on full pay, and they were apologising that it would be SSP after that…I wasn’t expecting ANY time on full pay!
Just goes to show how different work places are - I’m so mad on behalf of all of you who have uncaring bosses that I think I’ll start an underground movement to take revenge… Not quite sure what it could achieve… maybe sneaking in to their houses and shaving their heads… or putting hair remover in the sprinkler system in their office…hmmm, that sounds good!
Perhaps we could send this thread off in a slightly different, but relevant, direction - suitable ways to punish people who come out with crass comments? These can either be physical, such as Buzzy’s suggestion of lamping the culprit, or verbal put-downs which leave the culprit wanting to crawl under a stone.
Hi there,
Everyone was absolutely brilliant to me when I went back and I work with literally hundreds of people. There wasn’t one man or woman who was uncaring, or unkind and my phased return was very smooth indeed. It does depend on your work, however, but I defy anyone to be unkind to those with this dreadful disease. Phased return is better as you lose confidence throughout your treatment - but it does get better. It’s a battle and it takes courage to face and deal with. Well done on getting through it and I wish you good health in the future. Susie x
Like Like Like!!! How about “I’ve spent the last xx months battling a critical illness so if you really think I’m going to be intimidated by a little sh*t like you…”
Love your suggestion! I’ve still got all my hair (no chemo) and therefore unfortunately can’t use that one. I’ll have to think of something along those lines - it was a paraphrase of Winston Churchill wasn’t it? Must be able to think of something about the other person being a big tit whereas mine have got smaller
You are right it was Winston Churchill. Sounds like Oscar Wilde but I googled it…
Like the big tit remark just as much… Except that mine were pretty small to start with
My work have been great, encouraged me to take the whole of the treatment period off, even though I expected to be working on and off, but in fact have only managed to go in for the odd day. Almost everybody has wanted to talk to me about how it is going when i have gone in, details and all, but actually could do without the fuss, the same conversation over and over. They even took me out to lunch, the first time I went in after surgery and my first chemo.
I’m not expecting to be able to work during rads either as it is a 75 mile round trip in the middle of the day (and I only work till 1.30!). So I am hoping to go back sometime round the end of January, after being signed off on 28th June last year.
I am looking forward to it, getting back to normal. But going to ask for fewer days to start with. I think it is better to start slowly than take on too much and need more time off sick when you overdo it. It is going to be a shock to the system after all this time being a lady of leisure!!
As for the phased return, I think it means that your employers have to work with you and you ask them for whatever hours you need in order to get back into your normal working pattern gradually. Think about going in late or leaving early, doing shorter days or fewer days in a week. And put it to them that it is in their best interests too if you avoid overdoing it and setting yourself back.
Hi loved some of your comments esp the paraphrase of Winnie and Sophie’s.Might try the latter on a witch from HR. Unlike most of you I chose not to tell very many people and although I am due to go back to work in the New Year I do not want to discuss it then either.Not sure why I feel so strongly about this but feel it is private and I am neither embarrassed nor ashamed about my BC I worked through chemo and cold cap worked for me so my going off sick was unexpected to a lot of people I think.So only went off sick when I had WLE and ANC. Have had a dreadful time with the bunch of numpties aka HR. One was very rude and discriminatory to me when I took the days off for the 4th,5th and 6th chemos at my managers insistence. Then despite loads of reminders in writing and by phone they put me prematurely on 1/2 pay and gave me the runaround saaying it was payrolls fault.To say it really undermined my health is an understatement.
Unfortunately I have to apply to them to arrange an appt with Occ.Health before I go back and have asked my manager to do this for me.I really feel that with a consultant Onc and surgeon and a GP an advisor from ATOS is an irrelevance.Feel really p***d off with them as I was Dx last Nov and only went off sick in June no I do not want Brownie points but nor did I need a b****** from HR either.Oh sorry see this has turned into a rant but thanks for letting me get this off my chest.I am aiming to do a phased return when I do go back. Thanks for listening Jackie
Loving the comments too - might need to borrow them!
I have been appalled at the lack of knowledge & understanding of breast cancer, it’s treatments & SE by members of the HR team I have dealt with.
Just one example … At 9.00am on the morning after my discharge from hospital someone from HR rang to ask when I’d be back at work. I asked if she was aware I’d had a bilateral mastectomy, she said yes she was but I’d already had 3 weeks off! (2 of those weeks were the school holidays!)
Oh and another … it was suggested that I didn’t go back to work too soon after rads in case I was radioactive!
On the other hand when I eventually got to speak to someone from Occupational Health they were brilliant - I dealt with someone who was a registered nurse with a specialism in oncology so she was able to explain to HR, in no uncertain terms, the debilitating effects of the treatment.
I cant wait to go back to work???..I will be a stronger person…everyone in my work know I have BC…I have worked there 3yrs …I visit when I have treatment…and inform them how I have been progressing…and catch up on things to…and they are supportive…though 1 keeps telling me the “ROAD TO RECOVERY” is a nightmare and very painful for me ahead…hmm…dont I know that myself. Thanks.
Bosses have SO LET ME DOWN…NO SUPPORT…NO PHONE CALLS TO ASK HOW I AM…am not asking them, to be on the phone to me all the time…but once in a blue moon, it would be nice to speak to them…they are asking the staff I stay in touch with,how I AM!!!
Got told by a boss that I was on 6mths full pay…then 2mths later through ongoing treatment…no word.no phone call nothing from them… to inform me, that I was not ENTITLED to 6mths, or half pay after early December!!! I found out when I PICKED UP THE PHONE TO PAYROLL MYSELF!!! And they told me my salary was stoping NOW!! No boss had checked with HR what I was suppose to get…they dont care…I have never felt like a “just a number” through my Dx…but my work has…and it has hit a sore spot…bosses, I think, that there is lots of “money trees” I can go and pick off…for the 1st time in 25yrs… have had to borrow money off family…so humiliating…I told my boss, when I visited, and they didnt even listen…they kept themselfs occupied, with other things in the room,(and the door was left open)when I made the effort “to go to see them”…
I think I deserve an apology…it will never come…!
I love my job…but…I now, dont want to go back…I have to though…and it will be difficult.
The “gossipmonger” is talking about me to every tom, dick, and harry…about the “trouble” I have caused…but…am to vulnerable to deal with it… I will…am determined to not let it pass by…years ago someone done this to me…and I came out so strong…and still AM. We have to be having BC…
but I am so shocked at the way I have been treated…I work damn hard at my job.
Sorry for going on…but I have lost all FAITH in the work hierarchy…and has made me think I DONT WANT TO RETURN…((
But, I need to… I can deal with it…I HOPE…
Also,men in my work phone me and ask how I am!! brought a tear to my eye…
Px
I can so identify with you all - I returned to work after exactly 9 months. I had been working remotely and from home during treatment but couldnt go into the office as it was a very crowded environment with lots of chance for infection! I found my return very emotional, even though my colleagues were really supportive. That was back in July. Now in December I am doing well, but struggling to communicate that i am not quite back to full strength and need just a bit more time on some things. The expectation is that if i am not sick then I am completely fit! Funnily enough I have just blogged about this today and then saw this thread (feistybluegeckofightsback.wordpress.com/2010/12/03/middle-ground/)
It is an emotional minefield - I sometimes feel that my needs are actually almost contradictory.
It’s so good that we have the support and understanding of each other on this forum.
Thanks
Philippa
Oh the joys of work! ‘The scourge of the drinking class’ Wilde
The way some of you have been treated makes me want to scream. Though I am day 9 post chemo moody anyway.
Once you are diagnosed with cancer you have disability rights.
They will tell you what to ask for in writing and remind your employer that they have a duty to consider making ‘ reasonable adjustments. ’ They were very, very helpful to me. You do need to ask for things in writing however. Any issues log them to take up at a tribunal.
You must have time off for appointments – end of story.
Sorry about that little rant.
I have been really looked after at work, I do work in the public sector however. I think it depends on how human your boss is. Having this really sorts out the stars from the ****s doesn’t it.
I have continued to work because it helps. I let people know when I am going to be off and then take the time, return with my sick note: usually a week at a time. So far so good. But team is quite small, mostly women who have been brilliant since I was told to prepare for bad news.
Now though my job is being deleted. I have to go through a competitive assimilation process (job interview) if I want to stay. Good news: Because of the cancer they will look into retaining me from April when my job goes so now interview for me . Not sure how long this would be for but I’m not complaining. Joys of public sector work.
Take care ,
Glad to say that after all my worries I returned to work yesterday, doing half days this week and next, and everyone has been so welcoming that it felt great to be back at work! There have been one or two who have avoided me, obviously don’t know what to say, but that’s OK it’s better than coming out with stupid comments. The rest of them have been lovely, lots of New Year handshakes, kisses or hugs, depending on the individual.
I’ve also been impressed that the “management” have been great as well, since that’s the area where a lot of people seem to get the most grief. I’ve been told I’m in control of what hours I can cope with, and when I mentioned the prospect of a full day out of the office to do some training, was told that it was too soon for that and I could do it later.
So far so good, I hope they continue to be so considerate.
Sarah x
Now I’ve been back at work for a week and a half (doing mornings only) the only two aspects I’ve found tricky are (a) as I feared, people assuming I’ve had a mastectomy, but I haven’t and (b) people who say “I’ve not seen you around for a while, have you been away somewhere”. My natural inclination is to be straightforward and tell them I’ve been off being treated for BC but I don’t like to make them feel uncomfortable.
Not sure how best to deal with either of these. Any advice?
Sarah x
Norberte, what brilliant replies, and all of them would be appropriate with different people.
Hi Cheesie. As for how to deal with it, look through norberte’s suggestions and see which one is closest to how you feel you want to respond. Personally, I like the “brief direct response followed by a complete change of subject” idea. If someone has asked, they might be shocked by the reply but by you changing the subject you give them a way out of feeling uncomfortable. On top of that, the direct response takes the wind out of any gossips, as if it’s generally known why you’ve been off, the gossip no longer has it as a tasty titbit (forgive the choice of word!) to spread while at the coffee machine. If the direct response + change of subject doesn’t quite do the trick, the “it’s none of your business, you’ve overstepped the bounds of decency so can you please now shut the **** up!” reply might be necessary, or if you’re really feeling mischievous, you could ask them (loudly, and preferably when there are lots of people around) how their haemmarroids operation/treatment for syphillis went and did they enjoy having people rootling round in their nether regions… Sorry, I know that last one is probably a bit too much for most people to use, but you can keep the idea in your head when people get annoying and imagine to yourself what their response would be - that will leave others wondering what you’re grinning to yourself about! ;-D
A few years ago when my then-partner died suddenly (suicide, silly sod), myself and my family were subjected to the “oh my god she’s got three heads” kind of look, which can be very distressing if it’s everywhere. I found that showing others that you are a normal regular person and that you DON’T have three heads helps to get relationships back on a suitable footing. Best of luck, and well done for getting back into the swing of working life.
